Photo by Suzette Hibble
The other day I was chatting with a friend and she was complaining that whenever she sees her niece all she remembers from the experience is lack of cooperation and a seeming mantra of “No! No! No!” Her sister follows her niece around asking questions like “how about this?” or “what about that?” And the constant refrain is, “no, no, no.”
Wow, can I relate. I do not enjoy hearing “no” so in my work with kids I’ve learned some great strategies to avoid and get around the “no.” And then at other times, I’ve chosen to accept the no by tuning in to the yes behind the no. If you think about it, there’s always something we’re saying yes to, and often it’s related to the thing we’re saying no to. For instance, when I say no to a candy bar, I’m saying yes to my health and well-being.
On the other side of the spectrum I just visited some friends who do their best to say yes as much as possible and refuse to even use the word “no” with their son. I think that’s a fantastic practice since “yes!” often produces much more connection and excitement than “no.” How can you translate your no’s into yeses this week?
When I remember that kids are constantly trying to figure out the rules of life, the boundaries of those around them, and their own sense of autonomy and power I can understand why they would start using a powerful “no” just about as soon as they turn 2 years old. By remembering what kids are up to developmentally, I’m able to connect with those underlying needs, and I immediately have more compassion for the little one crying “NO!” with all her might.
So let’s start with what to do when you have the most capacity for compassion and we’ll move toward situations that are more challenging. Continue reading “Tired of hearing NO!? Help your kids say YES!”
