In my parenting coaching I get a lot of questions from parents about how to discipline effectively and what to do instead of time-outs, spanking, yelling and other common discipline tactics.
When I think about the word “discipline” I think it sets up a disconnecting power dynamic where I’m in charge all of the time and the kids in my life must do what I say, or “behave”, and submit to my dominance.
On the other hand, without any “discipline” I imagine complete chaos and no sense of leadership. So, instead of discipline, I like to talk about setting boundaries.
We all need boundaries whether with ourselves, our parents, children, employers or employees. It’s healthy to have and keep clear boundaries, but somehow, many of us have never learned to recognize, implement, and maintain healthy boundaries.
I just read the novel “The Undomestic Goddess” by Sophie Kinsella. It was a fun read but what struck me the most about it was how few boundaries the main character had at the beginning of the book. Samantha was a high-powered lawyer at a leading Houston lawyer firm. She was going for partner and as a result, she was available to her law firm 24/7. No kidding. The woman couldn’t even put her blackberry down for an hour to get a massage! She was the epitome of someone without any healthy boundaries and without a life of her own. Instead, she was completely owned by her law firm!
Do you ever feel owned by your kids and family? Have you forgotten to set boundaries and maintain a healthy sense of self? Well this week it’s time to turn it around. Continue reading “Setting boundaries with kids”
Have you ever noticed that the way kids are around animals is like a microcosm of the way they are around everyone? When young people are happy, comfortable, and compassionate, they treat animals with kindness and care. And when they’re upset about something or feeling picked on and powerless, they often take out their aggressions on the family pet.
Parenting is a wonderful, but challenging, journey. No instruction manuals, no definitive “right” or “wrong” methods. And, of course, each child is different!
Isn’t it amazing what kids find funny? I’ve been surprised more than once by what seems hilarious to a 2, 4 or 6 year old. And then I remember, their sense of humor is just developing. Kids this age have a challenging time understanding word play and innuendo, but they do know that burps, farts, and poop are some of the funniest things around.
We’ve all been there, it’s time to leave, your child wants to stay and continue to play, you’re tired and ready to go, a conflict is brewing. How we handle these difficult moments can be the difference between a fantastic day and a really rough one. And really, either one is available to us in a given moment, we just have to be able to access enough creativity to create the fun, laughter filled connection we’re wanting, rather than falling into a negativity trap.