Wow, breastfeeding. It’s one of those things I always knew I wanted to do, but until I experienced it myself, I had absolutely NO IDEA how challenging it could be. I thought, “We’re all built for this, so it will just automatically happen and it will be easy.” Unfortunately, that was not the case for me.
Breastfeeding did happen, but it certainly wasn’t easy. For the first two weeks, my milk didn’t come in so I pumped like crazy and gave my daughter syringes filled with milk donated to us by a neighbor. If you’ve ever had to use the syringe method to supplement your breastfeeding then you know that you need about six hands to be able to accomplish it, especially when both mother and baby are new at breastfeeding. But we got through that hurdle and my daughter started gaining weight. Hooray!
The thing is, breastfeeding was extremely painful! No one told me that breastfeeding would hurt. It was so bad that I would often bite myself to keep from screaming out in pain as my daughter latched on. My La Leche League leader told me she likely had a shallow latch. My peers told me that the pain would go away after a couple of weeks. I described my symptoms but no one seemed to know why I was in pain.
As the weeks turned into months, I decided that I was just super sensitive and I would just have to learn to live with the pain. So I began to use self-hypnosis to manage my pain. I had learned how to hypnotize myself for and it worked pretty well to help me relax, even when I was experiencing discomfort. I would lie on my side, take a deep breath, turn off (relaxing every muscle in my body), and after that the pain was bearable.
We nursed like that for 8 more months. And then I wrote a blog post about how I was hypnotizing myself to get through the pain of nursing. One of my readers left a comment about how I shouldn’t be having so much pain and I might want to look into Raynaud’s phenomenon of the nipple. Well, after a quick Google search I finally figured out why I was in so much pain, I was having vasospasms in my nipples that made nursing extremely painful. I was SO RELIEVED to have an explanation for my pain!
Vasospasm can be caused by cold and/or emotional distress, as well as some nutritional deficiencies so the first thing I did was begin to cover up with a warm blanket every time I nursed. I also researched some herbal vasodilators and found that red pepper and cinnamon both help to open and relax blood vessels. I started to put red pepper on my eggs in the morning and I used cinnamon in my oatmeal. I cut out caffeine, took my vitamins, began to get more regular with my aerobic exercise and I got some acupuncture. After several weeks my pain went away!
For the first time since my nine-month-old daughter was born, I nursed pain free. I wish that was the end of the story and for almost a year I did continue to nurse pain free. But a few months ago, the vasospasms returned and the pain was worse than ever. I contemplated weaning because the pain was so intense and my daughter was nearing two years old. But I didn’t like the idea of weaning because of my vasospasm, it seemed too abrupt and when I’m not in pain, I really enjoy nursing my daughter! I had hoped to wean slowly and have her weaned at around 2 ½ yrs old. The herbs weren’t cutting it this time so I went ahead and called my OB/GYN and got a prescription for a very low dose of blood pressure medication that has been shown to work for Raynaud’s of the nipple. It worked!
I’m pain free again! The only problem is, I’m taking medication to stay that way. I tried going off the medication when I thought things were under control, but the pain came back and now I’m back on the meds. It does seem strange to me to be taking medication so that I can slowly wean my daughter.
I thought I would do child-led weaning, but it certainly hasn’t worked out that way for us. I have led the weaning efforts, starting with night weaning and getting down to just three times a day now. My daughter has adjusted beautifully. But she definitely doesn’t want to give up her “milka” any time soon. Has anyone else out there gone through something similar? Any thoughts about how I should proceed? Doesn’t it seem strange to be taking medication so that I can continue to nurse? I would love some support, suggestions, and information. So please leave me a comment!
And have a lovely week, Shelly
Dear Shelly, thanks once again for your openness – I feel it really helps parents (to be) to realise we are not alone. I always enjoy reading your post. And today something weird happened that made me feel very uncomfortable, so allow me to give you open feedback.
I understand your pain and admire your strength to pull through this, explore and find new ways to get through the pain and continue nursing your daughter. There’s only one thing that I’d like to set straight: BREAST FEEDING DOESN’T “HAVE” TO HURT!! I understand in your case it did/does. And I understand that there are a lot of mums out there who go through similar experiences – but there are also a lot of mums out there who don’t or might not…
I’d just love to get the message out there that it doesn’t HURT, but it COULD… Same like giving birth. For some mums it is a traumatic experience and for some it is amazing, beautiful and not suitable to be described with “pain”.
I’d also like to share my experience with you. Yes, I too did experience some pain in the first couple of days – only that my issue was luckily solved quite quickly, because I learned that I just didn’t latch my son on properly. Once I learned how to do this, my pain was gone… It had only come from a little blister that had formed on my left nipple from not latching on properly.
I had planned to breastfeed till at least the age of 12 months, but started to wean him off very slowly at the age of 8 months and stopped when he was over 9 months old. For the reason being that I felt literally drained. I felt I had nothing left to give & would actually have a lot more to give if I had more energy. I found it physically quite draining when my son got to that age where everything around him was sooo interesting & he already had some teeth & started “ripping” off my nipple when something was more interesting than feeding – and believe me, there was a lot (!) at that age…
My second one I planned to feed at least till 9, if not 12 months… And then it “interfered” with my first son’s toilet training… Although I thought I’m well prepared, always do a toilet run with my older one before feeding my little one, I still had to interrupt almost every single breastfeed, with milk squirting out my nipple, my little one crying, my older one being stressed to the toilet… My stress-level was rising, my little one only wanted to be rocked to sleep & my older one needed a lot more attention than I felt I could give him… So, off we went to Tresillian (the sleep clinic for babies) & after 1 week of learning how to let my baby-boy settle himself, spending more quality time with my older son (his primary love language!!) and an unexpected decision to wean him there & then, I felt I had my sanity back…
Long story short: breast-feeding itself was actually quite enjoyable for me… But life doesn’t always happen in the way you plan it to be – and my sons both still feel very loved, I have a very strong bond to both of them, each one on his very individual level and I don’t feel like a bad person for stopping earlier. It was a decision that came from within. And in both cases I felt it made me a more relaxed mum. And even though I wished I could/would have fed them both for a bit longer, I don’t believe it has made a difference in any negative way to how we are together or who they are today. I hope this all makes sense.
Everybody has got their very own and personal stories. And like you Shelly, I chose to share mine. I was blessed with 2 beautiful boys, both with their own amazing birth-story which I would wish for every mum to be…
Some births hurt, some don’t. Sometimes breastfeeding hurts, sometimes it doesn’t.
Follow your heart & set the focus on “what would make me a happier & more relaxed mum for my child?” and I’m sure the answer will be provided. There is no right or wrong – just YOUR way & YOUR experience!Lots of love & blessings XXxx Marie
@MarieAlessi Thank you so much Marie, I really appreciate what you’ve shared here. I agree that for most moms breastfeeding doesn’t hurt and everything I had read said that breastfeeding “shouldn’t” hurt, that’s why I was so confused and bewildered when I had such a painful experience! I didn’t mean to imply that breastfeeding should hurt, or does hurt for everyone. And I have also talked with moms who have had pain free birthing experiences too! Thanks too for what you said about your choices to wean when you did. I think I still want to continue to wean slowly over the next few months, but I enjoyed hearing your story and I feel encouraged to follow my own path. I’m so grateful for other mums like you! Hugs, Shelly
Dear Shelly, thanks once again for your openness – I feel it really helps parents (to be) to realise we are not alone. I always enjoy reading your post. And today something weird happened that made me feel very uncomfortable, so allow me to give you open feedback.
I understand your pain and admire your strength to pull through this, explore and find new ways to get through the pain and continue nursing your daughter. There’s only one thing that I’d like to set straight: BREAST FEEDING DOESN’T “HAVE” TO HURT!! I understand in your case it did/does. And I understand that there are a lot of mums out there who go through similar experiences – but there are also a lot of mums out there who don’t or might not…
I’d just love to get the message out there that it doesn’t HURT, but it COULD… Same like giving birth. For some mums it is a traumatic experience and for some it is amazing, beautiful and not suitable to be described with “pain”.
I’d also like to share my experience with you. Yes, I too did experience some pain in the first couple of days – only that my issue was luckily solved quite quickly, because I learned that I just didn’t latch my son on properly. Once I learned how to do this, my pain was gone… It had only come from a little blister that had formed on my left nipple from not latching on properly.
I had planned to breastfeed till at least the age of 12 months, but started to wean him off very slowly at the age of 8 months and stopped when he was over 9 months old. For the reason being that I felt literally drained. I felt I had nothing left to give & would actually have a lot more to give if I had more energy. I found it physically quite draining when my son got to that age where everything around him was sooo interesting & he already had some teeth & started “ripping” off my nipple when something was more interesting than feeding – and believe me, there was a lot (!) at that age…
My second one I planned to feed at least till 9, if not 12 months… And then it “interfered” with my first son’s toilet training… Although I thought I’m well prepared, always do a toilet run with my older one before feeding my little one, I still had to interrupt almost every single breastfeed, with milk squirting out my nipple, my little one crying, my older one being stressed to the toilet… My stress-level was rising, my little one only wanted to be rocked to sleep & my older one needed a lot more attention than I felt I could give him… So, off we went to Tresillian (the sleep clinic for babies) & after 1 week of learning how to let my baby-boy settle himself, spending more quality time with my older son (his primary love language!!) and an unexpected decision to wean him there & then, I felt I had my sanity back…
Long story short: breast-feeding itself was actually quite enjoyable for me… But life doesn’t always happen in the way you plan it to be – and my sons both still feel very loved, I have a very strong bond to both of them, each one on his very individual level and I don’t feel like a bad person for stopping earlier. It was a decision that came from within. And in both cases I felt it made me a more relaxed mum. And even though I wished I could/would have fed them both for a bit longer, I don’t believe it has made a difference in any negative way to how we are together or who they are today. I hope this all makes sense.
Everybody has got their very own and personal stories. And like you Shelly, I chose to share mine. I was blessed with 2 beautiful boys, both with their own amazing birth-story which I would wish for every mum to be…
Some births hurt, some don’t. Sometimes breastfeeding hurts, sometimes it doesn’t.
Follow your heart & set the focus on “what would make me a happier & more relaxed mum for my child?” and I’m sure the answer will be provided. There is no right or wrong – just YOUR way & YOUR experience!Lots of love & blessings XXxx Marie
@MarieAlessi Thank you so much Marie, I really appreciate what you’ve shared here. I agree that for most moms breastfeeding doesn’t hurt and everything I had read said that breastfeeding “shouldn’t” hurt, that’s why I was so confused and bewildered when I had such a painful experience! I didn’t mean to imply that breastfeeding should hurt, or does hurt for everyone. And I have also talked with moms who have had pain free birthing experiences too! Thanks too for what you said about your choices to wean when you did. I think I still want to continue to wean slowly over the next few months, but I enjoyed hearing your story and I feel encouraged to follow my own path. I’m so grateful for other mums like you! Hugs, Shelly
Hi Shelly, I really liked your testimony, it could give hope and courage for other women who experience difficulty breastfeeding. Like you said breasfeeding is not suppose to hurt, but sometimes, some conditions trigger pain. LLL, other breasfeeding association and doctor should work with mothers until they find out why, before the mother gives up. It’s true breasfeeding is not always easy, it requires a lot of determination and effort, but taking care of a baby too, I think we have to be careful when we accuse breastfeeding of draining our energy, it releases relaxing hormones to both baby and mother, but taking care of a baby can be draining wether it is bottle fed or breastfed.
I wanted a child led weaning too, but it didn’t work out this way. I don’t know if you remember, I breastfed during my second pregnancy and during 1,5 year I breasfed my 2 girls. I wanted my second child and I to be able to have that one and one connection, I felt I was not fair to either of them, I felt some social pressure and after 2 years of having difficulty (pain during pregnancy, and a bad latch after) I was fed up and I also knew that Marianne was able to go through me ledding her weaning. We talked a lot about it, I got a little booklet from LLL about Magy’s weaning, and other books with baby breasfeeding. I let her cry out it when she was sad. I try to make her move on and make her proud of being a little girl, not a baby anymore. She asked about pictures and video about her when she was a baby, she was and still is sometimes, very nostalgic. We played often baby (she was almost always the baby) and mother. I think it wasn’t easy for both of us, but I think it went nicely and gradually and it really worked when I was determined I had to have her stop.
Hope this will help you,
Julie
Thanks @julievalie, You being here and sharing your story helps me so much! Hugs, Shelly
Hi Shelly, I really liked your testimony, it could give hope and courage for other women who experience difficulty breastfeeding. Like you said breasfeeding is not suppose to hurt, but sometimes, some conditions trigger pain. LLL, other breasfeeding association and doctor should work with mothers until they find out why, before the mother gives up. It’s true breasfeeding is not always easy, it requires a lot of determination and effort, but taking care of a baby too, I think we have to be careful when we accuse breastfeeding of draining our energy, it releases relaxing hormones to both baby and mother, but taking care of a baby can be draining wether it is bottle fed or breastfed.
I wanted a child led weaning too, but it didn’t work out this way. I don’t know if you remember, I breastfed during my second pregnancy and during 1,5 year I breasfed my 2 girls. I wanted my second child and I to be able to have that one and one connection, I felt I was not fair to either of them, I felt some social pressure and after 2 years of having difficulty (pain during pregnancy, and a bad latch after) I was fed up and I also knew that Marianne was able to go through me ledding her weaning. We talked a lot about it, I got a little booklet from LLL about Magy’s weaning, and other books with baby breasfeeding. I let her cry out it when she was sad. I try to make her move on and make her proud of being a little girl, not a baby anymore. She asked about pictures and video about her when she was a baby, she was and still is sometimes, very nostalgic. We played often baby (she was almost always the baby) and mother. I think it wasn’t easy for both of us, but I think it went nicely and gradually and it really worked when I was determined I had to have her stop.
Hope this will help you,
Julie
Thanks @julievalie, You being here and sharing your story helps me so much! Hugs, Shelly
With my first son, I had some difficulty with getting a good latch especially on one breast that was considered “flat.” after a week of frustration, tears, and deep breaths, we figured it out. I nursed him comfortably for 23 months. My second son was born only 8 months after weaning my first. I had some difficulty again with the flat nipple but had a better idea of how to compensate and much more confidence. I was readmitted at 8 days postpartum for postpartum preeclampsia. This was an extremely stressful time. All of the family had gone home by this point and my husband had to juggle our 3 year old, newborn, house responsibilities, and me. The baby could not stay with me unless there was another adult present since he was no longer a patient. A few weeks later, I was released. Within another week, I began to deal with excruciating pain. I knew it wasn’t right. Imade an appointment with a lactation consultant even though she had a considerable fee and our health insurance would not help with the cost (though they cover acupuncture??). I felt like we either were going to pay a chunk to the consultant or pay even more to use formula. In the end, I was diagnosed with a yeast infection of the breast, Reynaud’s, and may have had an abcessed duct (though never confirmed or treated by my OB). I was happy to take almost any medication prescribed because my pain had become so great that I would avoid feeding my baby until he was screaming with hunger. I also would bite my lip in pain to avoid screaming and moaning. At night it seemed the worst. When it was just us in the house, i would strip waist up because everything made my nipples burn. Even doing that, just the air hurt. I got to where i would pump to avoid his latch (even though the LC confirmed his latch was correct.) Even with medication, my dosages had to be increased because it simply would not subside. My LC said one patient described yeast infection as though her breast were filled with broken shards of glass and her nipples were on fire. That was my experience. (Mammas-to-be, please know that I was a very extreme case with this second baby.) In the third month, the pain faded. Now we are in the ninth month and nursing is like it was with my first son.
In summary, when breastfeedong hurts, it can be like a torture session every 3 hours for weeks on end. Don’t accept that. Thankfully, I knew it shouldn’t hurt but it was HARD to push through. I’m glad I did. However, if you feel like you are done and can afford the formula, go ahead. I’m not convinced that it really makes any long term difference if a child gets formula or breast milk. What matters is that a person can love on their baby and use that feeding time to bond. If you choose to take medication so it is possible for you to connect with your child (and does not cause your child ill effects) by all means do it. That’s true with choosing not to nurse, too.
Btw, my nipples still turn white after nursing (a visual sign of Reynaud’s), but I do not feel any pain. Even with that, I now enjoy my nursing sessions with my little boy.
MarieAlessi, I know what you mean about the baby turning away to look at something and scratching you with teeth. I have experienced that with both boys now. Luckily, after refusing them to relatch right after that happens, neither boy did it more than a handful of times before they learned to release me. However, I am very lucky to have two very laid back kids.
Wow @Kristinmh, Thank you so much for sharing your story! I’ve heard that many women suffering from Raynaud’s get misdiagnosed with a yeast infection. But it sounds like you might have actually had both! I’m so sorry and I’m SUPER happy to hear that you didn’t accept it and figured out what you needed to do to be comfortable. I agree with you that mama’s must choose whatever works for them. Having a happy Mom is always what’s best for babies 🙂 I hope you’re having a great weekend! Hugs, Shelly
With my first son, I had some difficulty with getting a good latch especially on one breast that was considered “flat.” after a week of frustration, tears, and deep breaths, we figured it out. I nursed him comfortably for 23 months. My second son was born only 8 months after weaning my first. I had some difficulty again with the flat nipple but had a better idea of how to compensate and much more confidence. I was readmitted at 8 days postpartum for postpartum preeclampsia. This was an extremely stressful time. All of the family had gone home by this point and my husband had to juggle our 3 year old, newborn, house responsibilities, and me. The baby could not stay with me unless there was another adult present since he was no longer a patient. A few weeks later, I was released. Within another week, I began to deal with excruciating pain. I knew it wasn’t right. Imade an appointment with a lactation consultant even though she had a considerable fee and our health insurance would not help with the cost (though they cover acupuncture??). I felt like we either were going to pay a chunk to the consultant or pay even more to use formula. In the end, I was diagnosed with a yeast infection of the breast, Reynaud’s, and may have had an abcessed duct (though never confirmed or treated by my OB). I was happy to take almost any medication prescribed because my pain had become so great that I would avoid feeding my baby until he was screaming with hunger. I also would bite my lip in pain to avoid screaming and moaning. At night it seemed the worst. When it was just us in the house, i would strip waist up because everything made my nipples burn. Even doing that, just the air hurt. I got to where i would pump to avoid his latch (even though the LC confirmed his latch was correct.) Even with medication, my dosages had to be increased because it simply would not subside. My LC said one patient described yeast infection as though her breast were filled with broken shards of glass and her nipples were on fire. That was my experience. (Mammas-to-be, please know that I was a very extreme case with this second baby.) In the third month, the pain faded. Now we are in the ninth month and nursing is like it was with my first son.
In summary, when breastfeedong hurts, it can be like a torture session every 3 hours for weeks on end. Don’t accept that. Thankfully, I knew it shouldn’t hurt but it was HARD to push through. I’m glad I did. However, if you feel like you are done and can afford the formula, go ahead. I’m not convinced that it really makes any long term difference if a child gets formula or breast milk. What matters is that a person can love on their baby and use that feeding time to bond. If you choose to take medication so it is possible for you to connect with your child (and does not cause your child ill effects) by all means do it. That’s true with choosing not to nurse, too.
Btw, my nipples still turn white after nursing (a visual sign of Reynaud’s), but I do not feel any pain. Even with that, I now enjoy my nursing sessions with my little boy.
MarieAlessi, I know what you mean about the baby turning away to look at something and scratching you with teeth. I have experienced that with both boys now. Luckily, after refusing them to relatch right after that happens, neither boy did it more than a handful of times before they learned to release me. However, I am very lucky to have two very laid back kids.
Wow @Kristinmh, Thank you so much for sharing your story! I’ve heard that many women suffering from Raynaud’s get misdiagnosed with a yeast infection. But it sounds like you might have actually had both! I’m so sorry and I’m SUPER happy to hear that you didn’t accept it and figured out what you needed to do to be comfortable. I agree with you that mama’s must choose whatever works for them. Having a happy Mom is always what’s best for babies 🙂 I hope you’re having a great weekend! Hugs, Shelly