What’s it like to be a 2-4 year old? (an excerpt from my soon to be released ebook!)
As an infant and young toddler your child saw himself as an extension of you. He had very little sense of distinction between himself and his parents. In fact, if you think about it you can understand why this would be so. Just as we lift our own hand to our mouth if we want to put some food in it- your hand has automatically put food in your baby’s mouth every time he’s been hungry since his birth! When he needs something, you provide it, so in a way, and in his mind, you’re an extension of him.
Now that he’s older he’s developing more complex language. He’s learning to distinguish between “yours” and “mine”. Well if there’s a “yours” and a “mine” there must be a “you” and a “me”. Now your child begins to see himself as a separate entity with desires, hopes, dreams, and thoughts all his own! Wow, what an exciting discovery.
A Stronger Will: Unmet needs for choice
Along with the discovery of self, your child is feeling stronger desires than ever before and she’s discovering her personal power. She’s realizing for the first time that she can affect the outcome of a given situation. Sure, when she was a baby, she realized that she could move a ball from here to there- but now she’s discovered that she can affect your behavior and have some control over the social dynamics in your home. This is a huge step in social development. She’s gone from a helpless being, who is happy to do whatever you want- to a willful child with a mind of her own. And this is ultimately a good thing- although the transition can be extremely difficult for us. Sometimes we just want that sweet little baby back (and that’s completely normal)!
If you consider your job as a parent to be raising a capable, independent, and contributing adult, then you can see this phase as a milestone toward that goal. Now that your child has an ego, strong desires, and a stronger will she can really get things accomplished that she never could before. Now is a wonderful time to help her develop a sense of responsibility by giving her more freedom coupled with, you guessed it, responsibility.
Easier said than done, right? But you can do it, with some support, clear goals, and very rigid consistency (just for now) you’ll have a little helper around the house before you know it. This will end up meeting your own needs for contribution and order while meeting her needs for autonomy and responsibility. (end of excerpt)
As you can imagine, it’s incredibly frustrating for your child to be developing such a strong will at the same time as he is unable to verbalize what’s happening for him. So, as a parent of a child in this age group, your biggest challenge is to meet your child with compassion, understanding, and lots and lots of patience.
Because although your child is understanding a whole new level of complexity of social dynamics, any time we learn any new skill, we can understand lots more than we can effectively express. Hence the tantrums you are bound to experience with this age group. You can see some ideas about how to handle tantrums lovingly at my blog on that topic: http://www.awakeparent.com/Shelly/how-to-handle-tantrums/
Please share a story or comment about your own experiences you’re your child’s development of will and what happened in your family as a result.
Have a fantastic week!
"Clearing my mental and emotional clutter has created 'space' to live and parent more consciously, with greater awareness and focus. My children deserve the best version of me possible."
Catherina Simones, 
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