Conscious Parenting 101What we may think, hear, or believe: Sometimes children are bad and sometimes they are good. Our job is to teach them to be good. What we’ve noticed: All children are good, always. When we approach them with this belief, and treat them as such, their loving cooperative nature tends to emerge of its own accord. Yes, sometimes children’s behavior is more difficult for us than other times. We can let them know this without conveying that they are “bad.” What we may think, hear or believe: It is our job to make our child behave. When our child “misbehaves,” it is a reflection on us as a parent. What we’ve noticed: “Misbehaviors” like crying and tantrums are human ways of recovering from hurts. If assisted to move through those big feelings at their own pace, young people (and all people!) will emerge on the other side more peaceful, loving and cooperative. On the other hand, if interfered with or redirected, those feelings may resurface later in similar or other forms. This can start a cycle that challenges both parent and child. What we may think, hear or believe: Children need to learn to obey adults. What we’ve noticed: A child who obeys may be doing so out of fear. By requesting rather than demanding, we can expect greater cooperation during those times when we choose to enforce our will to meet time commitments, safety needs, etc., because we will have built real trust! Also, children express themselves more freely when they feel sure they are loved and appreciated unconditionally. What we may think, hear or believe: Children must be protected from themselves. What we’ve noticed: Young people have the same instincts for survival we all share and often stop themselves when they feel unsafe. Given more freedom to make choices for themselves than we may be comfortable with, children get proper nutrition, take care of their bodies’ needs, and prevent injury in themselves in others. What we may think, hear or believe: If I let my child jump on me and boss me around, I am reinforcing bad behavior. What we’ve noticed: Giving your child a chance to energetically be “in charge,” (with clear safety and time limits), gives her a chance to feel powerful and safe at the same time, to build confidence and to release some of her pent-up emotions. For once, she gets to tell us what to do! Just as we do, she really can tell that it’s a game. What we may think, hear, or believe: Children are the responsibility of their parents alone. What we’ve noticed: Yes, ultimately. But we beg to differ with the “alone” part! Raising a child is an enormous undertaking that can overwhelm even the most together folks. Families function best when more than one person (ideally a village) commits to a child’s well being, and when each caregiver has lots of support, resources and downtime. Parents can find this support with each other, and with friends and relatives who relish the opportunity to be part of young people’s lives.
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