Conscious Parenting 911—Help—Now!

1. Feeling desperate? Is a meltdown imminent or already upon you? Here are a few ways to get through, from uber-rational to psycho-spiritual and all the way to ultra-silly:
2. Reflect back the young person’s words. “So, you’re saying you really don’t want to go to Aunt Sarah’s.” Ask, “Did I get that right?” If not, keep trying.
3. Guess at a reluctant child’s feelings and needs. “Are you feeling sad because when we left ___’s house, your needs for play and friendship were not met?"
4. Voice your needs: "I'm tired and I need rest…" Then ask, "How can we meet everyone’s needs?" Let your child participate in finding the solution.
5. Make a request rather than a demand. “Would you be willing to…”
6. Make what you’re trying to accomplish a game. “Oh, the shopping train needs a conductor! Choo-choo!” or “How many purple foods can you find?”
7. Breathe deeply and ask for help from whatever or whoever you believe in. Or, reiterate out loud or in your mind a parental affirmation (e.g., I am a calm, relaxed, and joyful parent who has everything he needs).
8. Exaggerate your response. Oh, noooooo, you can’t have the glass, it will break! Noooooooo!!!! A child’s giggles will tell you you’re on the right track.
9. Playfully mirror, without mocking, the young person’s loud or angry response. “Noooooo, I’m not getting in the car, I hate the car seat, nooooooo!
10. Become a bumbling fool: a clown, a monkey, or the farm animal of your choice. Do nonsensical things, like asking the opinion of an inanimate object.
11. Invite your young companion to very noisily beat up the couch with you.
12. Lie down on the floor with your knees up, and pay attention to your breath.
13. Without trying to stop, quiet, or redirect her, pay calm, approving attention to your emoting child until she is done, or as long as possible. Help her stay with the hard feelings by asking "What else?" or reminding her, “I’m listening to you.” Once she’s really done, you’ll get a very happy child!
    
14. Let the conflict become a game, with the young person getting to be the more powerful, dominant one. Cringe and cower as he orders you around.
15. Scream, making as much noise as you want, with a self-mocking edge: Aaarrrghhhhhh, I can’t take it anymore! I need a teddy bearrrrrrr!