Category: Cooperation

Posted on

A new take on discipline

What do you think of when you hear the word “discipline”?  When most people think about parenting and discipline they probably think of punitive discipline like time out, yelling, spanking, or taking away privileges.

I don’t want my daughter to be afraid of me or of the punishment I might hand down.  So I’ve chosen the most peaceful parenting I can possibly muster.  But if punitive discipline is out, does that mean I’m a total softie and my kids walk all over me?  Definitely not.

In fact, setting clear and consistent boundaries is one of the best ways to help your child feel secure.  In the Montessori schools in which I worked, we practiced a logical or natural consequences approach to setting boundaries with kids.  And it really worked!  Children understood why we did things a certain way and they were usually happy to cooperate. read more

Posted on

Playing with power

Well, it has happened.  My sweet baby is already becoming a willful toddler.  The past week or so has been filled with frustrating moments for her and for anyone near her.  She has begun to whine.  She is clinging to us like she thinks we’ll disappear if we’re out of her sight.  And of course, she’s also starting to walk.

Learning to walk and talk are HUGE developmental milestones for a baby and with the new development comes an equally big emotional response.  Tears and frustration abound as we humans learn new skills and reach new levels of development.  And it’s not just babies who experience the emotional ride of learning new skills.  Children and adults of all ages have the same big feelings.  When we reach a goal, there’s often a big emotional high and an accompanying let down. read more

Posted on

Why rough housing is good for kids

I get a lot of questions from concerned parents about rough housing, wrestling, and other physical play. Dads want to know if it’s OK to wrestle with their kids, and moms are concerned that somebody will inevitably get hurt. Often it seems that physical play of this sort does end with the younger or smaller child in tears. But as I was doing research for my thesis in 2007 I ran across some studies that changed my mind about so called “rough housing.”

One study in particular stands out in my mind. It was conducted on a playground where researchers observed boys playing a tackling game. Researchers thought that they would find the game to be violent and detrimental to kids, but they actually found just the opposite. They observed that in playing this seemingly violent game, rarely did anyone get hurt, and when someone did get hurt, the other boys reacted with caring and compassion toward their fallen playmate. read more

Posted on

Five keys to encouraging cooperation

Some of the most challenging moments with young people have got to be the times when you ask for help with something and then you hear a loud and defiant, “No!” in response.  In times like those, you just wish you could force your kids to do your will.  Unfortunately, if you do force them when they’re little, pretty soon they grow too big to force.  So, I recommend starting out by encouraging cooperation at every opportunity, and then when your kids are big, you’ll already have established a routine of helping each other out.  Here are my top five keys to encouraging cooperation. read more

Posted on

The art of receiving

As a parent, we give and give and give to our kids.  And then we turn around and notice our friends, partners or other family members and we give some more.  Then after giving all we can, we collapse into a heap at the end of the day whining about how we never have enough time to ourselves.  I get it.  I’ve been there.  But I think we each create our reality and we’re actually responsible for creating the lives we want.  So then I reach out, ask for help, and create support systems.

The problem is that when someone is willing to help me, I actually have to be able to accept that help.  I’m better at it now, but receiving hasn’t always been easy for me.  Sure, I was good at receiving physical gifts, but I wasn’t so great at receiving compliments or acts of service from my friends and family.  I used to energetically push those gifts away by minimizing, deflecting, or reassuring people that I had everything handled. read more

Proudly powered by WordPress