What’s it like to be a 2-4 year old? (an excerpt from my soon to be released ebook!)

As an infant and young toddler your child saw himself as an extension of you.  He had very little sense of distinction between himself and his parents.  In fact, if you think about it you can understand why this would be so.  Just as we lift our own hand to our mouth if we want to put some food in it- your hand has automatically put food in your baby’s mouth every time he’s been hungry since his birth!  When he needs something, you provide it, so in a way, and in his mind, you’re an extension of him.

Now that he’s older he’s developing more complex language.  He’s learning to distinguish between “yours” and “mine”.  Well if there’s a “yours” and a “mine” there must be a “you” and a “me”.  Now your child begins to see himself as a separate entity with desires, hopes, dreams, and thoughts all his own!  Wow, what an exciting discovery.

A Stronger Will: Unmet needs for choice

Along with the discovery of self, your child is feeling stronger desires than ever before and she’s discovering her personal power.  She’s realizing for the first time that she can affect the outcome of a given situation.  Sure, when she was a baby, she realized that she could move a ball from here to there- but now she’s discovered that she can affect your behavior and have some control over the social dynamics in your home.  This is a huge step in social development.  She’s gone from a helpless being, who is happy to do whatever you want- to a willful child with a mind of her own.  And this is ultimately a good thing- although the transition can be extremely difficult for us.  Sometimes we just want that sweet little baby back (and that’s completely normal)!

If you consider your job as a parent to be raising a capable, independent, and contributing adult, then you can see this phase as a milestone toward that goal.  Now that your child has an ego, strong desires, and a stronger will she can really get things accomplished that she never could before.  Now is a wonderful time to help her develop a sense of responsibility by giving her more freedom coupled with, you guessed it, responsibility.

Easier said than done, right?  But you can do it, with some support, clear goals, and very rigid consistency (just for now) you’ll have a little helper around the house before you know it.  This will end up meeting your own needs for contribution and order while meeting her needs for autonomy and responsibility.  (end of excerpt)

As you can imagine, it’s incredibly frustrating for your child to be developing such a strong will at the same time as he is unable to verbalize what’s happening for him.  So, as a parent of a child in this age group, your biggest challenge is to meet your child with compassion, understanding, and lots and lots of patience.

Because although your child is understanding a whole new level of complexity of social dynamics, any time we learn any new skill, we can understand lots more than we can effectively express.  Hence the tantrums you are bound to experience with this age group.  You can see some ideas about how to handle tantrums lovingly at my blog on that topic: http://www.awakeparent.com/Shelly/how-to-handle-tantrums/

Please share a story or comment about your own experiences you’re your child’s development of will and what happened in your family as a result.

Have a fantastic week!

Learning doesn’t just happen at school. You can stimulate your child’s mind at home with these simple activities:

Sometimes when kids seem to need a lot of extra attention, are bugging you constantly to watch TV and movies, or are generally in your face 24/7, they might actually be asking for more intellectual stimulation.   When kids get bored, they turn to you for help, but they might not know exactly what they’re wanting.

If you think this might be what’s happening in your household, I’ll give you some ideas and examples of simple things you can do to stimulate your child’s mind, support more independence, and encourage self-directed activities.

First, consider your child’s favorite things.  Does she love dinosaurs, dolls, horses, or art?  Does he enjoy cooking or playing in the sandbox?  These preferences can inform which kinds of activities your child will enjoy right now.  Let’s say she’s into dinosaurs.  She loves to play with her dinosaurs and sometimes corrects you when you call them by the wrong name.

So, how can you create an engaging, self-directed activity that will build on your child’s knowledge and encourage her to learn even more about dinosaurs?  If you have a book in which dinosaurs are classified into carnivores and herbivores, you can create a fun activity that she can do on her own.  If you combine her basket of dinosaurs and the book about carnivores/herbivores, add a green piece of construction paper on which you will write “Herbivores” and a red piece of paper on which you will write, “Carnivores” you have a fun game!  Just show her how to set out each piece of paper, choose a dinosaur from the basket, look in the book to check whether this dinosaur is a carnivore or a herbivore, put the dinosaur on the appropriate piece of paper and then choose another dinosaur!

When she has classified all of her dinosaurs she can come get you and you can discuss her reasoning.  Be careful not to correct your child’s work at this point.  The idea is to encourage self directed activity that is intellectually stimulating and if she thinks she’s going to get a “bad grade” at the end, there’s no motivation to do the activity again.  However, if you sit with her and ask questions like, “Wow, I’m confused, I thought a stegosaurus was a carnivore, how did you know it’s an herbivore?” then she gets to teach you, and teaching is an even more stimulating way to learn something.

Another idea for a pre-reader is to make small paper signs that say things like door, mop, sink, book, ball, table.  Put tape on the back of each and then invite your child to find the items and tape the signs on.  Pretty soon, your child will begin to recognize words even before he’s able to read!

You can also adapt this activity by using a basket of miniature items and laminated cards with words on them for beginner readers.  Easy words like dog, cat, and hat can be matched up with a tiny toy dog, cat, or hat.  Kids love these types of matching games and they learn while they play!

To make this game easier for a child who’s not reading yet, create sets of cards.  First, create two matching cards each with a sticker, picture or drawing of a cat and write the word cat below.  Now cut the word off of the second set of cards.  Now you have three sets of cards- a control set with pictures and words, a set with pictures only and a set with words.  Show your child how to match up the control set with the other sets.  Again, remember, it’s not important that they get it right, it’s just important that they’re engaged and having fun with it!  I find that it helps to do this activity at a table or on a small rug on the floor so that their workspace is contained.

I hope that some of these ideas have sparked your creativity and your desire to stimulate your child’s mind.  Please write to me with your thoughts, other ideas, questions, and stories about how these activities work for you!

Big hugs, Shelly

When I worked in Montessori schools I was consistently amazed at how happy, engaged, and capable the kids in my class were.  This got me thinking, “If kids can be this self-sufficient and joyful in a classroom, then why not at home too?!”  I’ve noticed that young people often feel frustration at living in a an adult-centered world. I can remember feeling irritated about not being able to see over the counter, or out the car window (before the advent of booster seats).

Although young people make up a significant portion of our population, they don’t pay the bills, so they usually aren’t catered to in the way that adults are. Most furniture is not built to accommodate them. There are often no stools provided where needed, especially in public.

Even going to the bathroom in a public restroom and washing one’s hands can be quite difficult for a person with a small body. Doors are large and too heavy; tools are too big for their hands… I think you get the idea.

So if there’s a place where a child can find solace from these frustrations, I hope it will be their home.  I would be inspired to live in a world where a child’s home is a place where she can reach the counter top, make herself a snack, and take care of her personal hygiene easily. I’ve found that when young people are given the tools they need to be able to have these freedoms, they are more peaceful and often much more responsible. Trusting young people to care for themselves and giving them the necessary tools to do so, fosters a sense of self-care, self approval and healthy pride.

Consider the daily activities of the child in your home. What does he do and what would make his tasks easy to accomplish without asking for adult intervention? Is there a convenient place for him to hang his coat when he enters his home? (Tip: for very young children, a low hook is the easiest place for a jacket) Can he reach the sink easily for hand washing? Are there art activities, games, puzzles and books that are within easy reach?  Does your child have comfortable furniture that fits his body?

Ask your kids what changes they’d like to see in their home environment. And consider what changes would ultimately make things easier for all family members. For instance, if children’s dishes are where they can reach them and they know where the carrot sticks are and that carrots are an acceptable snack, they can simply let you know what they’re doing (or not, depending on your house rules),  without needing you to stop what you’re doing and fix them a snack. Also, consider asking older children to help younger children. Requesting the help of your older child (without demanding) can foster teamwork and interdependence between siblings.

Ultimately, your children want to feel capable and supported in their home, and although that might require some rearranging and consideration, it’s not much work to provide possibilities for autonomy and it’s almost no work for you once they know how to care for themselves! So, take a look around your home this week to be sure that everyone in your family has access to:

Water (for drinking and washing)
Food
Clean clothing
Warm clothing
Books/toys/art supplies
Towels and cleaning supplies
Art at eye level
Full-length mirror in bedroom
Things to nurture like a plant or a pet

So, I hope you’ll use this list as a guide, and talk with your child about what sort of changes would make life at home easier, more fun, and more equitable.  When we honor children by taking the time and making the effort to accommodate their needs, they feel treasured in ways they can’t even express.  But I’m sure you’ll notice the difference!  I’d love to hear about how simple changes around the house have made a difference in your kids lives.  Please leave us a comment below.

In the Montessori classroom we have a LOT going on. Twenty-four kids are doing individual and group activities, the head teacher is demonstrating activities, and the assistant teacher is available to help kids when they need a hand.

So, when it comes to serving snack, the more the kids can help themselves, the better. This is true at home too. I mean, how many times have you been happily folding a load of laundry when your three year old whines, “Mommy, I’m huuuunnggrryyy.”

Here’s the solution! If you put out the necessary ingredients for a healthy snack on a child-sized table at say 9am every morning (or at 3pm if your kids are more hungry in the afternoon) your children can serve themselves whenever they’re hungry. This promotes independence while ensuring that your kids are eating a nutritious snack AND you don’t have to get up from your own work to serve them.

Here are some snacks that I’ve seen work well for 3, 4, and 5 year olds:

1. Cheese and crackers
2. Peanut or other nut butters with crackers
3. “Ants on a log” Celery with peanut butter and raisins
4. Carrot sticks with dip
5. Apples- you can provide a whole apple with an apple slicer or slice the apple for your child.
6. Granola
7. Rice and beans w/ salsa
8. Rice with soy sauce
9. Cucumber slices
10. Fruit salad
11. Strawberries and shortcake

The trick is to set up the snack in a pleasing way providing everything they’ll need to grab a plate and napkin, serve themselves, sit down an eat, and then clean up after themselves. You may also want to include cups and a small pitcher of water, milk, or juice.

So, for granola for instance, I would put a few cups of granola in a bowl and provide a spoon or measuring cup to scoop the granola into their own bowl. I might even provide a small pitcher of milk and some spoons so they can eat it like cereal.

If you have a few children and you don’t want one kid to eat all of the snack you’ve provided, make a sign with words (for readers) or pictures (for pre-readers) indicating how much to take. So for apple slices you might draw three apple slices and 3 crackers and ask each child to take just three slices and three crackers. This not only ensures that everyone gets their share, it also promotes responsibility and community mindedness. And if anyone takes more than their allotted snack, you’re sure to hear about it.

The other benefit to choosing a single snack for the day and making it accessible is that you don’t have to make a different snack for each child. I know you’ve been there. You’ve just finished cutting a pear for your 18 month old and your 3 year old comes running in saying- “Mommy, can I have pizza for snack?” If there’s just one snack each day, kids can easily fall into the routine of accepting what’s offered.

I would love to hear about how you do snack time at your house and whether you think providing snacks in this way would free you up to do other things. Post your thoughts here.

I used to despise spending time in the kitchen. I didn’t like doing dishes, I didn’t know how to cook, and I preferred microwave meals to home cooked ones. Wow! Have things changed. Now I buy lots of fresh organic produce, free-range meats and eggs, and I enjoy coming up with new interesting creations and cooking traditional foods. And for some reason I want to put cumin on everything.

Thinking back, I can identify a couple of things that produced the shift for me. First, I read “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh. There’s a passage where he talks about enjoying the present moment even in the mundane activities of life like washing dishes. I immediately began to ENJOY doing dishes! I luxuriated in the warm soapy water and felt a deeper sense of accomplishment than I ever could have anticipated from the simple act of doing dishes.

And then I moved in with my husband to be (we’re getting married in 6 weeks!). As soon as I moved in with him I noticed a strong desire to learn to cook welling up in me. I wanted to feed us delicious, nutritious foods.

So, I began to learn the art of cooking. It feels a little funny to be writing about cooking since I’m still so new at it, Jill is the real chef of the two of us. But what I do bring to the table is the ability to modify cooking activities into interesting and age-appropriate activities for kids of all ages.

Think of your child as the apprentice chef in your kitchen.

Finding food preparation activities that are challenging and fun for your child can meet his needs to contribute and learn while meeting your needs for nutrition and teamwork.

Here are some cooking and food preparation activities to try this week.

For 12-18mo. Olds– Mashing! – Give your little one a cool well-cooked potato, carrot, or squash and a potato masher in a medium sized bowl. Set her up in a highchair where she’s secure. And let her mash away!

18mo.-2yrs– Beginning Pouring/Dishwashing– Washing dishes is an integral part of food preparation and kids this age LOVE water play. Fill the sink with 6 inches of tepid soapy water and some plastic dishes. Push a chair, stool, or learning tower up to the sink. Supervise to be sure the water is staying in the sink. Invite your child to put the “clean” dishes in the other side of the sink and rinse with cold water. To get a little more time out of this activity, ask your child to dry the dishes and put them away (if possible).

3 Years Old–Spreading–Provide your child with 4-6 crackers, a small bowl with about 2 tablespoons worth of peanut butter or other spreadable food, and a child-sized spreader (see the link below).

Child-Sized Spreader

4 Years Old–First Cutting/Slicing Activity–Steamed carrots or bananas are excellent beginner’s cutting activities. Use a safety knife like this or butter knife. Help your child wash hands thoroughly. Provide a tray with moist sponge, two saucers, a small cutting board and safe knife. Place full pieces of banana or steamed carrots on one saucer. Show your child how to slice and avoid contact with the “sharp” edge. As you cut slices set them on the second saucer in a pleasing array. Then eat!

There are countless other cooking activities you can do in your home every day. So, get creative and have fun in the kitchen. I’d love to hear about your favorite food prep activities. Please leave your comments in the box below.

Hugs, Shelly