Learning is NOT Linear: The Ebb and Flow of Learning & Growing, Retreating & Regressing

When I first began studying child development I thought things happened in a pretty linear fashion. First you learn to crawl, then you walk, after that you learn to talk and so on. And if you study information about ages and stages, you can come to the same misinformed conclusion.

But after 20 years of experience with young people, I can tell you for certain, learning is not linear. Children might learn and grow in one area and retreat and regress in another and they can do it all at the very same time. When we forget about the non-linear life experience of learning and growing, we set ourselves up for disappointment and we have unrealistic expectations of our children. read more

Encouraging an Expanding Vocabulary

(This post is dedicated to my dad, Bernard B. Birger for always using big words with me and describing complex concepts in great detail, even when I was only three years old.)

Wow, Julia is absorbing language like a sponge on steroids. The other day I casually mentioned to my husband that a friend of ours is “a bit of a boozer” and we both had to avoid eye contact and stifle our laughter when our eighteen month old daughter repeated the word “boozer” about six times in a row. Oy, I really do have to watch what I say around her! read more

New Parent Social Isolation

Wow, I feel like I’ve recently emerged from a long winter’s sleep. My daughter is now 15 months old and suddenly in the past month or two I’ve realized how utterly socially isolated and disconnected I’ve been. I’ve barely talked to my dearest friends, I haven’t been out of the house much at all, and I definitely haven’t been outside of my comfort zone.

And I think all of that is perfectly OK and natural for a new parent. It’s a lot of hard work to nurture an infant and it felt perfectly right for me to throw myself into motherhood so fully and completely. But now that I’m emerging from the haze of my daughter’s infancy I’m reminded that it’s my commitment to my highest values that will most positively impact her life. read more

A new take on discipline

What do you think of when you hear the word “discipline”?  When most people think about parenting and discipline they probably think of punitive discipline like time out, yelling, spanking, or taking away privileges.

I don’t want my daughter to be afraid of me or of the punishment I might hand down.  So I’ve chosen the most peaceful parenting I can possibly muster.  But if punitive discipline is out, does that mean I’m a total softie and my kids walk all over me?  Definitely not.

In fact, setting clear and consistent boundaries is one of the best ways to help your child feel secure.  In the Montessori schools in which I worked, we practiced a logical or natural consequences approach to setting boundaries with kids.  And it really worked!  Children understood why we did things a certain way and they were usually happy to cooperate. read more