Comments on: “Have to?” Are you sure about that? http://www.awakeparent.com/jill/have-to-or-choose-to/ Shelly Phillips offers parenting tips, help and classes Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:47:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jill http://www.awakeparent.com/jill/have-to-or-choose-to/#comment-2398 Jill Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:37:39 +0000 http://www.awakeparent.com/?p=770#comment-2398 Thanks, Patrick. I enjoyed your response. Your "Cash or credit card?" reference reminds me of when I first learned that marketing insights had a lot to offer in the parenting realm. I was wanting a way to contain my then-two-ish-year-old at a campsite, for fear he'd run off into the woods. The big log didn't interest him until I invited him to "ride the choo-choo log." Then we got several minutes of him staying in one place. Thanks, Patrick. I enjoyed your response. Your “Cash or credit card?” reference reminds me of when I first learned that marketing insights had a lot to offer in the parenting realm. I was wanting a way to contain my then-two-ish-year-old at a campsite, for fear he’d run off into the woods. The big log didn’t interest him until I invited him to “ride the choo-choo log.” Then we got several minutes of him staying in one place.

]]> By: Patrick McMillan http://www.awakeparent.com/jill/have-to-or-choose-to/#comment-2291 Patrick McMillan Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:29:24 +0000 http://www.awakeparent.com/?p=770#comment-2291 Dear Jill, I know that what you are saying about re-phrasing works in a wonderful way. I have been a stay at home dad with my two boys for over eight years and have been using this technique for quite some time. Rather than tell my kids what I DON"T WANT them to do, I have practiced speaking in terms of what I WANT them to do, and more importantly, what THEY WANT. I have never enjoyed being told that I "have to" do something and I know my kids don't like it either, and I have found that when I turn it into a "what do you want to do" they feel much better. It's almost like a sales technique I learned years ago. "Do you want to pay cash or put it on a credit card?" When it becomes a "want to" rather than a "have to" we all feel better. Thanks for posting and sharing this! Patrick McMillan Dear Jill,
I know that what you are saying about re-phrasing works in a wonderful way. I have been a stay at home dad with my two boys for over eight years and have been using this technique for quite some time. Rather than tell my kids what I DON”T WANT them to do, I have practiced speaking in terms of what I WANT them to do, and more importantly, what THEY WANT. I have never enjoyed being told that I “have to” do something and I know my kids don’t like it either, and I have found that when I turn it into a “what do you want to do” they feel much better. It’s almost like a sales technique I learned years ago. “Do you want to pay cash or put it on a credit card?” When it becomes a “want to” rather than a “have to” we all feel better.

Thanks for posting and sharing this!

Patrick McMillan

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