Comments on: The taking-it-personally vortex http://www.awakeparent.com/jill/the-taking-it-personally-vortex/ Shelly Phillips offers parenting tips, help and classes Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:47:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Erika http://www.awakeparent.com/jill/the-taking-it-personally-vortex/#comment-3383 Erika Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:28:42 +0000 http://www.awakeparent.com/?p=867#comment-3383 oops...addendum to above comment which got posted before editing by accident... Then when they test you again, you can remind them what happened the last time they tested you. "What happens when you hit your sister?" You can be proactive when you are about to enter a "danger zone" (eg. shopping, restaurant, etc) Before you enter, ask your children to name a rule of conduct in the zone: hands off, inside voices, we are here to buy (blank) and nothing else. What happens if we break a rule? We leave. I have left grocery stores with a basket of food in the middle of the aisle. I have left restaurants with our food in take out containers. Kids remember this and avoid a repeat performance. oops…addendum to above comment which got posted before editing by accident…

Then when they test you again, you can remind them what happened the last time they tested you. “What happens when you hit your sister?” You can be proactive when you are about to enter a “danger zone” (eg. shopping, restaurant, etc) Before you enter, ask your children to name a rule of conduct in the zone: hands off, inside voices, we are here to buy (blank) and nothing else. What happens if we break a rule? We leave. I have left grocery stores with a basket of food in the middle of the aisle. I have left restaurants with our food in take out containers. Kids remember this and avoid a repeat performance.

]]> By: Erika http://www.awakeparent.com/jill/the-taking-it-personally-vortex/#comment-3382 Erika Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:23:49 +0000 http://www.awakeparent.com/?p=867#comment-3382 The greatest parent trap is wanting to be friends with your kids, wanting them to like you. If they are unhappy with a rule you have which is reasonable and limit-setting, then you are doing your job. They are like the raptors in Jurassic Park and you are the electric fence. They will test every inch of your boundaries until they feel safe. Children who don't know where the line is are confused when they cross it and consequences occur without warning. This is why empty threats are so useless. You must be willing and able to follow through. You only have to do it once for them to believe you. Then when you are tested again, you can When they attack you personally, they are really giving you a compliment. "I feel safe enough to express my displeasure without risking the loss of your love. I know you will accept me no matter what. Please help me find a way to express myself without being hurtful." The greatest parent trap is wanting to be friends with your kids, wanting them to like you. If they are unhappy with a rule you have which is reasonable and limit-setting, then you are doing your job. They are like the raptors in Jurassic Park and you are the electric fence. They will test every inch of your boundaries until they feel safe. Children who don’t know where the line is are confused when they cross it and consequences occur without warning. This is why empty threats are so useless. You must be willing and able to follow through. You only have to do it once for them to believe you. Then when you are tested again, you can When they attack you personally, they are really giving you a compliment. “I feel safe enough to express my displeasure without risking the loss of your love. I know you will accept me no matter what. Please help me find a way to express myself without being hurtful.”

]]> By: Christine http://www.awakeparent.com/jill/the-taking-it-personally-vortex/#comment-3348 Christine Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:12:53 +0000 http://www.awakeparent.com/?p=867#comment-3348 Jill, The TIPV is a trap, that despite my efforts to avoid entanglement, that snares me more often than I'd like. I'm a single, adoptive parent to two boys, ages 5 and 2. There isn't another parent out there for my kids. I'm it and often, I find it overwhelming simple to accomplish our everyday routine. I'm definitely part of the problem! When I am firm, I am afraid my sons can't feel my compassion and that they will become hardened people. When I show my compassion, they are on me (verbally, whining, unwilling, etc.) like a fly on a stinky pile! I'm guessing that my firm, yet compassionate communication and actions are the best and yet, I don't feel as connected to my boys as I'd like. Anyway, I have not answers, but a whole lot of compassion! Jill,
The TIPV is a trap, that despite my efforts to avoid entanglement, that snares me more often than I’d like.

I’m a single, adoptive parent to two boys, ages 5 and 2. There isn’t another parent out there for my kids. I’m it and often, I find it overwhelming simple to accomplish our everyday routine.

I’m definitely part of the problem! When I am firm, I am afraid my sons can’t feel my compassion and that they will become hardened people. When I show my compassion, they are on me (verbally, whining, unwilling, etc.) like a fly on a stinky pile!

I’m guessing that my firm, yet compassionate communication and actions are the best and yet, I don’t feel as connected to my boys as I’d like.

Anyway, I have not answers, but a whole lot of compassion!

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