This week’s guest blog is by Kheyala:

“Who, me?”

Right.  Whoever would have the nerve to admit such a thing?  Yet, if we deny our own experience of inner rage or hatred, if we repress it… then guess what?  It comes out anyway.  And it comes out as the unmistakable (especially to our children), hateful undercurrent of whatever we say or do in that moment.  It’s as if we’d told them that we hated them directly, only it’s far more confusing.

Thankfully, there is another way.  It’s called compassion.  For them?  No, not yet.  For us.  You see, the truth is that we don’t ever really hate our kids.  What we are hating is what it’s like to be us in that moment when our children inadvertently step on the inner landmines of our own unfinished business.  What I’m referring to by “unfinished business” is all that subconscious material:  the old wounds, traumas, and other “little lovelies” that our body/minds never forgot but that hadn’t yet had such a magnificent opportunity to reveal and, with enough consciousness, to free.

Herein again lies the beauty of our children.  In being raised with grace, they give us chances every single day to heal what could not have been birthed in any other way.  We get to be for our children essentially what nobody was able to be for us.  Thereby we heal both generations at once.

It’s a marvel to behold, yet it’s certainly no walk for the timid.  It takes great strength and courage to stop perpetuating the incredible emotional and biological momentum from many previous centuries of darkness.

I heard a story once about a Zen master who stops his sword right at the height of its arc, right at the most climactic point of the swing, just one instant before the blade is about to come down and slice through his enemy’s throat.  This is exactly what is required of the awake parent.  “I am Awake!  I will no longer contribute to any kind of suffering!”  And believe me, there is no worse kind of suffering than that which comes from causing harm to our children.  It is indeed a sword that cuts deep in both directions.

So, what causes harm?  You know already what causes harm.  But did you know how much harm we cause by denying what is really real and true for us?  I once wanted to throw my four-year-old through a plate-glass window!  Really.  I wanted to hurl her through it with all of my might.  I was tortured by guilt with this unwanted compulsion until I finally admitted it, along with what I thought was my insanity, to a thoroughly-seasoned mother of four (three of whom were grown).

Do you know what she did?  She laughed!  Here I was, in quiet desperation, telling her my deepest, darkest secret… and she laughed.  In fact, she said, “Yeah.”  That’s one word; one word that told me, “Honey, I have been there and I understand.  And know what else?  It’s NORMAL.”  Oh my gosh, the medicine she gave me in that laugh and that acknowledgment!

Afterwards, with my kids I was no longer afraid of my rage.  It wasn’t being denied anymore, and therefore it didn’t need to build up anymore either.  Once deadset against raising my voice even the slightest bit with them, I could now scream if I wanted to:  “Aaaah!  I feel like I’m going to go crazy!  I’m going to explode!”

Do you know what my kids would do with that?  They’d back off.  They didn’t want me to explode.  And it wasn’t because they were afraid of me either.  It was because they actually loved me.  And they loved themselves.  And I sure loved them for their kindness in backing off also.  Believe it or not, in my commitment to my own radical honesty, we all became closer.

My goal was always to provide a peaceful, safe haven for my children to forever be able to come home to.  There were times when that included a good bit of noise, but still, it was always peaceful and it was always safe.  And they knew it.  Now, THANKS TO GRACE, these kids are free to express what’s alive in them too, without ever causing harm to another living soul.

Have a great week, Kheyala

Writer, Healer, Counselor

kheyala1@gmail.com

Today I want to share something I learned from NLP (otherwise known as neuro-linguistic programming) called a “state change”.  We’re always in some sort of emotional state, whether happy, sad, excited, or frustrated.  And often it feels like we’re at the whim of our emotions.  When I’m frustrated it seems like there is no way to transform the frustration into something else.  But there is!  We can consciously create a “state change” in ourselves and often in others, pretty much any time we want!

Sounds too good to be true doesn’t it?  Well, I assure you, I’ve used this technique countless times with kids and with myself and it really works!  But, how does it work?  Well, here’s the thing, the body and the emotions are directly linked to each other.  When we feel sad, we look down, hunch our shoulders, pout and stay still.  On the other hand, when we feel happy and excited, we throw our shoulders back, look up, smile and move our bodies!

The trick is realizing that the conversation between the body and the emotions is a two way street.  Not only does our body reflect how we’re feeling, but our feelings reflect how we’re holding our bodies!

Try this the next time you’re feeling down.  Find a brightly lit room, look up at the ceiling, smile your biggest smile and think about something you love.  Now how do you feel?  It’s almost impossible to continue feeling sad when your shoulders are back, you’re looking up, smiling and thinking of something you love or enjoy!  You can try the opposite too (although it’s less fun).

Sometime when you’re feeling great, try hunching your shoulders, looking down at the ground, and thinking about something really sad.  You’ll almost immediately start to feel sadness.

So, how can you use this two way street to your advantage?  You can actually tell your emotions what to feel by holding your body in a certain way!  And, you can interrupt your thoughts and feelings by moving your body in a new way!  When I’m feeling anxious at a social event or party, I often go into a back room or hallway and do a couple of summersaults.  By changing my body chemistry, my mood automatically changes and I feel ready to be social!

This also works with kids.  When your baby is upset, you automatically start bouncing, jiggling, rocking, and dancing.  The motion helps your baby change state and become more calm.  Similarly, if your 3or 4 year old is having trouble focusing or is bothering a sibling, sweetly scooping them up and spinning them around a few times can often completely change the situation and your child’s state.

Or, if you’re all annoyed with each other, putting on some music and dancing together can be the key to a state change.  And don’t forget the magic of warm water to induce a state change.  When I’m upset, a warm bath makes everything better and that can also be true for your little one.

So this week, pay attention to your emotions and consider whether you WANT to be feeling this way or whether you’d rather feel something else.  Then take action and practice CREATING the emotional state you would most enjoy.  I would love to hear how it goes, please let me know!

And have a fantastic week.  Warmly, Shelly

When I discovered “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman my world was turned upside down…in a good way.  Chapman’s theory is that there are five primary love languages and that each of us tends to have one language we give and receive love in the most often and the most easily.  He says that often people are trying to express love, but those efforts are not getting received as love by the other person.  This struck a chord for me particularly in my relationship with my dad.

After learning more about these five languages, I began to realize that although I had spent much of my life thinking that my dad didn’t love me as deeply as I wanted him to, in reality, he’d been loving me all along, I just hadn’t recognized his efforts as love!

Because my primary love languages match up well with my Mom’s (physical touch and quality time), it was easy for me to feel loved by her.  We often shared hugs, snuggled on the couch, and hung out talking.  But since my dad’s primary love language is acts of service, I hadn’t been receiving his love as easily.  For me, doing a project together just didn’t feel like love.

When I realized this I began to look back at my relationship with my dad through the years and I started to recognize all the hundreds of times my dad was showing me love and I hadn’t received it.  All the science projects, the rides to dance class, piano lessons, and softball practice, the times he helped out at my school, painted my bedroom, and took me shopping.  In a way, all those things had been my dad’s version of big warm hugs!

So how can you be sure that your loved ones are receiving all the love you’re offering?  I recommend identifying your love languages and those of your family members and then making an effort to give and receive love in the languages of the people you adore.

First, think about yourself, when do you feel most loved?  And, what do you complain about when you’re not feeling loved?  What might your primary love language be?  Now, consider your child, children, or partner (or all!) and see if you can guess what his or her primary love language could be.

The five languages are:

Physical Touch

Gifts

Acts of Service

Quality Time

Words of Affirmation

Finally, make a list of ideas of new ways you can show love to your child or partner that they can easily and naturally receive.  Also, include a few things that especially feel like love to you that you will share with your family members so that they can offer you love in just the way you most enjoy receiving it.  Now watch how all your relationships will flourish!  It’s amazing how a simple act of speaking someone else’s language can bring you all so much closer together.

I’d love to hear about how it goes.  Please share a comment below!

Have a great week, Shelly

Everybody gets upset and angry sometimes and when I was young I thought that having someone near me who was angry was just about the worst thing ever.  But now that I’ve grown up and gotten in touch with my own anger, I actually think there are some really great benefits of anger!  You can check out my blog: The upside of anger for more details about that.

Recently in my coaching, several parents have shared their guilt over getting angry in front of their kids.  I totally get it.  It’s hard to keep our cool when we’re feeling really frustrated, but after we lose it, we feel guilty and concerned that we may have somehow damaged our kids.  For starters let me say, you’re not doing any long term damage to your kids if you lose your temper once in a while.  Kids are very resilient and amazingly able to let things go.  But if this is a challenge you struggle with often, I’ve got some thoughts and ideas to help you manage your anger in a more healthy way.  You can also teach your kids some of these techniques so that everyone in your family is practicing healthy expressions of anger.

The first rule of expressing anger in a healthy way is to stop directing your anger AT people.  When we direct our upset at other people, we’re blaming them for our feelings.  But from the perspective of Compassionate or Nonviolent Communication, we know that our feelings are caused by our own unmet needs, not by the actions of others.  When we can stop blaming others and begin to take responsibility for our own emotional experience, it can be one of the most empowering experiences in life.

And just think, once you’re able to manage your own anger in a more healthy way, you can begin to teach your kids to do the very same thing!  So, what can you do with your anger and frustration without directing it at other people?  Well, for starters you can direct it at an inanimate object like a bed or pillow.  You can yell at your bed and hit it and nobody gets hurt (do be careful with your own body when releasing your anger).  Another of my personal favorite ways to release my anger is to yell while I’m by myself in the car.  I find that I feel safe and comfortable making a loud noise when I’m in the car because I’m pretty sure no one else can hear me.  And I’ve gotta say, it feels really good to let that stuff out in a primal scream.

Other ideas for healthy ways to express anger are to twist a hand towel and growl, punch a punching bag, imagine stomping on the heads of the people you’re angry at when you’re running or working out, or screaming silently.  To scream silently, you simply make the same face and physical gestures you would if you were to scream but instead of letting sound out through your vocal chords, you just let air pass through them.  It sounds like “HAAAAA” but feels almost as good as a really loud scream.

Some friends of mine were going through couples counseling and they began to practice turning their backs on each other, yelling, and then turning around with a greater ability to talk calmly with their partners.  I don’t recommend doing this with kids if you can help it, but if you’re going to yell, turning away from the people in the room is always more kind and respectful than yelling in their faces.  And if you’re trying not to swear in front of the kids, you can simply yell the word “ANGRY!”  or “I feel angry!”

So, I hope this blog has helped you come up with some ideas for how you can express your anger in a healthy way rather than suppressing it or expressing it AT someone.  Please let me know if this was helpful to you and/or if you can relate to how good it feels to let these frustrations out of your body.  Have a wonderful week, Shelly

First of all, I’d like to introduce my newest audio program:

8 Steps to Connected Parenting

For those of you who want a quick, easy guide to some of the most important aspects of creating connection with your kids, I’ve recorded 8 Steps to Connected Parenting, my audio guide to Conscious Parenting 101.  You can check out this audio program (only available in MP3 download) here: http://www.awakeparent.com/8steps/

Although this 45 min. audio program is easily worth $20, I’ve decided to offer it for just $8 because I’m hoping you’ll love it, find it very useful, and tell all your friends about AwakeParent.com.

To give you a taste of what this audio program is about, I’ll share one of the steps with you now…Step 5: Check in and Get Curious

Getting curious is one of the most effective ways to invite people to share their inner worlds with you.  When we’re genuinely curious we ask interested questions and people (including children) are compelled to talk with us about what’s going on inside them.

One question to avoid when you want to start a dialogue is “why”.  “Why” puts children into conceptual thought and doesn’t get to the heart of the matter.  Now besides their initial problem, they’re being asked to figure out the reasons for their discomfort and that only leads to more anxiety and upset.

Instead of asking why, try asking questions about what happened, how she’s feeling, or what sensations she’s noticing in her body.  Repeat back what she tells you and ask her to confirm that you’ve gotten it right.   This reflection allows kids to correct you if you’re off track and lets them know that you’re really listening and understanding what they’re telling you.

After you’ve repeated and gotten confirmation that you’re hearing your child accurately, ask, “what else?”  This phrase is an invitation for whatever else your child wants to share.

Here’s an example of a conversation between John and his mom who is curious and reflective.

M:  “So John, how are you feeling?”

J:  “I don’t know,” looks away.

M:  “Are you feeling upset?”

J:  “Yeah, I guess”

M:  “So, you’re feeling pretty upset, huh?”

J:  “Well, actually, I’m mad at Tom”

M:  “Oh, you’re mad at Tom. Is that right?”

J:  “Yeah.”

M:  “What else?”

J:  “Well, he said he’s not my friend anymore and that hurt my feelings.”

M:  “Oh, so when Tom said he’s not your friend anymore, your feelings were hurt.”

J: “Yeah.”

At this point Mom might acknowledge John’s feelings, letting him know that it’s OK to feel what he feels and she’s glad he’s shared his inner world with her.  This lets John know that his feelings matter and it’s OK to feel exactly what he does. He learns that his mom cares about him and is available to empathize with him.  She may ask more questions about what happened with Tom, but she’s careful not to push John or to be overly invasive. She maintains her genuine curiosity throughout the exchange, but is able to let go when John is finished sharing.

Sometimes it’s challenging to remain curious.  For instance, if we already think we know what happened, we might assume a child is being deceptive if her story doesn’t match up with what we think we know.  But if we can remain curious, and really try to understand her point of view, rather than asserting our own, we become a LOT more available for connection and kids naturally feel more safe, secure, and willing to share.  Letting go of our assumptions is a huge key to getting in touch with genuine curiosity.

I’m super curious about your own experiences with checking in and getting curious and how it has created connection (or not) for you.

Please share some of your experiences, or ask follow up questions below.  I read every single comment and try to respond to most of them.  I really appreciate you being here and hope to see you here week after week.

Have a wonderful day, Shelly

One of my biggest challenges as a parent is trying to find ways not to take it personally when my child blames me for his unhappiness. Sometimes, it’s easier than others. For example, when I  hear, “You’re so mean!”, it’s easy for me me to remember that this is all part of the parenting mix. It’s harder when he does things like vigorously reject my home-cooked food.

I don’t know whether “You’re so mean” rolls off my back because I’ve heard it so many times lately (whenever my son doesn’t get what he wants), and thus am getting used to it but somehow, I’ve been able lately to keep a calm heart in the face of “You’re so mean”,  and offer up empathy guesses into feelings and needs:

“Ah–are you saying you’re angry because you’re not getting what you want?”

“Yeeahhhh.”

Whew. That I can hang with! And it also helps take the edge off his upset. In fact, whenever I can remember to tune in deeply to my son, and help him feel heard and understood, his anger dissipates, and least a bit.

I think if I could remember each and every time I hear something personal, to tune into the feelings and needs underneath, I’d probably be a lot more peaceful.

As it is, what comes up for me sometimes is, well, taking it personally. And then fighting accordingly. This is especially easy to do when I get called a name. For a period of weeks, when my son was unhappy, he’d shout, “Stink!”, which I think was meant to be a noun, as in, You are a “stink,” an unpleasantly-scented thing…like a piece of poop for example.

Often, my feelings get hurt when my son calls me names, especially if it’s a really “mean” tone of voice. When I can be vulnerable and say “Ouch,” I’ve even heard “I don’t care!” sometimes in response. I find that once I start to take something personally, it becomes hard to climb out of that vortex. Similarly, if I can remember to tune into what he’s really feeling and needing, that one step creates a sort of ladder up and out of the taking-it-personally vortex (TIPV).

I think in those moments I am really needing appreciation and support for how hard it is to be a parent, in particular since my divorce, and how vulnerable I can feel, even when things are going well.  I might be smiling, but I’m still am an inch away from the TIPV.

Sometimes, during down times, I have experimented with saying to my son, “It’s hard to do everything myself–I would really like some cooperation.” Even if he chooses not to do what I want during that moment, I feel better about the quality of our connection. I often find that if I wait a few minutes, he jumps up and starts to help of his own accord, rather than if I try to make him do something on my timetable.

The hardest thing for me is when he rejects or gets demanding around food. Maybe it’s being a Jewish mother, but for me, food is love, and when I don’t receive the gratitude I crave, it feels like a sock in the gut, and I’m down in bowels of the vortex.

Hmm.

Maybe next time I’ll go all out and exaggerate that feeling and see what happens, instead of proclaiming loudly, “ALL I want to hear is THANK YOU!” while silently cursing the irony of being a gourmet chef with a son who eats only seven food items, five of them white.

At least if it I still go down the TIPV, I’ll have a nice dinner to nurse while I sulk.

What about you, do you ever have to deal with getting sucked into the TIPV? If so, what are some ways you handle it, or might like to handle it?

Warmly,

Jill

I know it sounds like an outrageous claim, but the truth is that kids always have a positive intention behind EVERY action.  Even when he’s smearing peanut butter all over your computer keyboard, or convincing his little sister to eat dog food he has a positive intention.  And when she’s cutting her hair, coloring on the walls with crayons, or purposely waking up the baby, even then, she has a positive intention.

Kids, just like the rest of us, are just trying to get their needs met.  They may not always have the most effective strategies for getting what they want, but they’re always doing their best and responding to the world around them.

When we can assume a positive intention and even try to discover what that intention might be, suddenly we can move from feeling angry and exasperated, “Why in the WORLD would she DO that?!” to a state of compassion and understanding.  “Oh, I see, she was needing some excitement and stimulation, so she woke up the baby to play with him.”

When we’re aware of the underlying needs behind our children’s seemingly bizarre behavior, we can start to empathize with them and teach them better strategies that will actually get them what they want.  But first we have to learn to breathe and take a moment BEFORE we react.

Right now, imagine the most frustrating thing your child has done in the past week or so.  Remember how you responded.  Now, consider, what might be the positive intention behind your child’s actions?  Imagine yourself in a similar situation in the future.  Is there a way you could have responded that would have created more connection and understanding between you and your child?

Let’s try the “Assume a positive intention” technique:

You see your child doing something that makes your heart race and your mind jump to all sorts of troubling conclusions.  You decide to implement assuming a positive intention behind all actions.  First you breathe, then you think, “What could the positive intention behind this action be?,” then you come up with some idea, you check in with your child, “Sweetie, were you really wanting to see what why I won’t let you have food near the computer?  Are you needing some more information and understanding about that?  Were you enjoying the feeling of the peanut butter on your hands?”

Your child feels heard, understood, and maybe a little bit confused about why you’re not screaming at the top of your lungs yet.  Now’s your chance to calmly let your child know how you feel about the strategy he’s chosen.  Be sure to use the words “I feel” and then an actual emotion.  “I feel worried when I see my computer caked with peanut butter, I’m not sure it will work any more and computers cost a lot of money, so now I might not have a computer any more.  I feel sad about that.”

And finally, assuming you’ve kept your cool, your child should be ready for some learning!  So now you get to share a new strategy for next time.  “What could you do next time instead of putting peanut butter on my computer?  Could you ask me about why I don’t allow food near it?  Could you ask me for a cracker to smear peanut butter on?  What do you think?”

I would love to hear your stories about the wild things your kids have done, how you’ve handled it, and what you think about the idea of assuming a positive intention as a way to practice understanding and compassion with children.  Please leave me a comment!  Hugs, Shelly

Happy holidays everybody!  I hope you’re having a lovely time together as a family and I know that when we get extra time together with our immediate families and especially when we spend time with extended family, tensions can run high.  I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

Almost inevitably when we celebrate with our families, there’s someone whose beliefs are different from our own, or there’s a sibling or parent who treats us in just the same way they treated us when we were five or who treats our children in ways we don’t enjoy.  The holidays can be a time of joy and celebration, and a time that warrants a lot of introspection, conflict resolution skills, and mediation between family members.

Although we all might intend to have a nice Christmas dinner or a beautiful Solstice celebration or (insert your holiday here), there are times when feelings get hurt, alcohol helps remove inhibitions, and we can suddenly find ourselves or other family members in the midst of conflict.  So what can we do when our lovely celebration is about to deteriorate into chaos?  We can practice EMPATHY.  When we tune in to the feelings and needs of the people around us, we can turn a potential argument into an opportunity to connect more deeply.

Imagine the person in your family who is the most challenging for you.  What feelings arise as you think of this person?  What are your underlying unmet needs when you interact with this person?  Can you come up with any strategies to help meet your needs?  Perhaps you need to take some space and time to yourself, or maybe you need stimulation like a game or other organized activity.  Now, consider the other person.  What is he or she likely to be feeling?  What could this person be needing?  And are there any strategies that can actually meet BOTH people’s needs?

There may be times when you’re able to use empathy with your family and there will be other times when you just can’t muster it.  Remember that you’re doing your best and your best is good enough.  If you’re not able to offer empathy to others, at least try to offer it to yourself.  Take time and space to yourself when you need it and tune in to you.   By connecting with your own feelings and needs and offering yourself compassion and understanding, you’re teaching your loved ones by example how to have a healthy loving relationship to themselves.  And that’s a crucial skill!

And most of all, remember that the holidays are temporary, pretty soon you be back in your comfort zone surrounded by people with similar values who love and understand you exactly as you are.  Sending you all huge holiday hugs, Shelly

I’m gearing up for a five-day retreat in which I’ll study Nonviolent Communication Mediation intensively. As many of you know, I work as a mediator and Shelly and I use the insights of Nonviolent Communication, based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg, in our work here at Awake Parent.

One of my favorite insights, or, “reframes,” as my girlfriend likes to call it, is taking the phrase “I have to…” and rephrasing it as, “I choose to…because I want…” So, for example, “I have to go to this stupid job I hate,” might become something like, “I choose to keep this job because the salary affords me things I want and need, like health insurance, and the peace of mind that comes with knowing I have reliable income.”

Wow–what a difference a little phrasing makes! In the first example, I’m a victim of circumstance, and some outside force is “making” me go to work. In the second, I acknowledge a) that I am making a choice (after all, I am), and all the reasons I keep making that choice.

Now what about with the young people in our lives? What might be another way of communicating something we aren’t giving them a choice about?

Let’s try some of these:

You have to clean your room.
You have to brush your teeth every day.
You have to go to bed now.

How do you feel when someone tells you you “have to” do something? My first internal response is, “No, I don’t.” I think  that’s the part of me that loves and needs the joy and beauty of freedom. This need for autonomy is something we all have. And, as convenient as it might be to tell our kids they “have to” do something, I think some different ways of phrasing it can open opportunities for more connection, more understanding, and enabling them to develop a deeper and more nuanced way of engaging with the world.

See what you think of these:

Let’s clean up your room. Or, Do you like your room the way it is? Would you like some help straightening it up? Or, Would you like to clean your room now, or after dinner?

Brushing your teeth every day takes away the bacteria that make plaque that make holes in your teeth. Can you imagine what it would be like to try to chew your food if your teeth had holes in them? Do you know what the dentist does to fix your teeth when you get a cavity?

It’s bedtime. Or, It’s 8:30. Or, I want to make sure you get enough sleep so that you have the energy to do all you want to do tomorrow.

I’m getting tired. Please tell me that by now, I don’t need to explain in great detail why the second options might go farther in creating the connections you want with your children. And above all, don’t tell me that I “have to.”

Seriously, what are you telling yourself or your children you or they “have to” do?  Are you willing to try phrasing it differently so you don’t “have to” do anything?

Please let me know how it goes.

In freedom,

Jill

The goddess Kali

OK, I’ll admit it, I haven’t seen the movie, The Upside of Anger, but I have experienced the benefits of anger for myself.  I know it sounds strange, but hear me out.

As a young child I was terrified of anger.  I was pretty much convinced that anger was the exact opposite of love and I did whatever I could to avoid the wrath of my parents.  My theory about anger was proven right when I saw my parents who were often angry at each other eventually stop loving each other and divorce.  So I resolved never to induce anger in others and also never to express it.  You see, I’m all about the love and since anger was the opposite of love it had to go.

Everything seemed to go smoothly as I grew up, I focused on the positive, shoved my anger down and put on a happy face.  And people seemed to like it.  I was pleasant to be around, made friends easily, and got lots and lots of positive feedback.

Fast-forward twenty years…  At twenty-five years old I was still doing my best to ignore my anger but I began to notice that it had begun to seep out in “passive aggressive” ways.  I didn’t mean to snap at my roommate or huff away and give my friend the silent treatment, yet I found myself doing these things.  I even noticed myself doing petty things like taking the larger piece of cake and offering the smaller one to someone I was irritated with.

Eventually my super close friends called me out on it.  “Shelly, what’s the deal?” they asked.  “You must be frustrated and angry sometimes and yet you never complain or seem irritated.  What’s up with that?”

I realized that my friends really loved me and wanted to know EVERYTHING about my internal experience.  So, after lots of frightened tears and even more loving reassurance I began to trust that they would still be able to love me, even if I shared my anger with them.

At first my anger came out in bursts and explosions of pent up emotion and I worried that I was damaging my relationships.  But my friends were patient and understanding with me and over time I learned to express my upset when it happened.  I even learned how to direct my anger outward or into an inanimate object rather than AT anyone

Now I celebrate my anger!  I see my anger as my protector and my motivator.  When I feel angry, I know that it’s time to find a healthy way to express it and after screaming in the car or hitting a pillow I can take a look at what changes I want to initiate.  Sometimes when I’m feeling angry I remember the Hindu goddess Kali.  She’s the goddess of creation, preservation, and destruction.  She is both fierce and loving.  She destroys and then creates anew.  So, her anger has a purpose and so does yours.

This week, look at your frustration and anger in a new light.  Ask yourself what changes your anger is helping you to initiate.  I’d love to hear all about your own journey with anger.  Please share it here!  Big hugs and love, Shelly