We’ve all been there, it’s time to leave, your child wants to stay and continue to play, you’re tired and ready to go, a conflict is brewing.  How we handle these difficult moments can be the difference between a fantastic day and a really rough one.  And really, either one is available to us in a given moment, we just have to be able to access enough creativity to create the fun, laughter filled connection we’re wanting, rather than falling into a negativity trap.

I know, you’re thinking, but wait, when I’m tired and grumpy, the LAST thing I am is creative.  Well, that’s where I come in.  I can offer you some fun strategies to create more laughter and connection and all you have to do is remember to use them when the time comes.  Sound good?

So here we go, five ways to turn a potential power struggle into a fun, connecting experience for you and your kids.

1)    Turn it into a game- Any time you feel yourself wanting to exert your will, try turning it into a game instead.  Rather than threatening dire consequences, or complaining about how your kids don’t listen, figure out what kind of game you could all play that would get the job done and be fun for them.  Hopping like a bunny to get to the car, strapping on your rocket booster shoes, or finding the keys in a scavenger hunt are all more fun that a grumpy parent frowning and grumbling.  And who knows, if you practice this one enough, you might even fin YOURSELF having more fun and laughter as you move through your day with your kids.

2)    Go for the giggle- What do your kids find hilarious?  Is it peek-a-boo, funny hats, new accents, or physical humor like bumping into things or falling down?  It could be burps and farts or backwards clothing.  But whatever it is that sends your little ones into peels of laughter, do more of it!  Laugher is a wonderful way to connect and release pent up emotions.  Use it to your advantage whenever you feel a power struggle coming on.  After a good laugh, everyone’s more willing to cooperate.

3)    Let the youngest lead- Sometimes it’s exhausting to try to get everyone on the same page and heading in the right direction.  Try assigning that task to the youngest child in your household.  Help her by offering kind ways to ask for what she wants, and by inviting your older children to follow her lead.  Young children have such an incredible imagination, you may even learn a new way to get everyone into the car and on the road (or out of the kitchen while you’re trying to make dinner).  Some of the most fun moments I’ve had as a nanny were times when the youngest one was in charge of a follow the leader game and the rest of us were all down on hands and knees following him around the house.

4)    Physical play-  Jumping on the bed, piling pillows up for hide and seek, rolling, romping and other forms of physical play are a great way to create connection in moments of high tension.  Sometimes all you need is a 10-minute pillow fight to get those tensions out and have fun together. There are times when picking up your baby, or even your two or three year old and spinning him around is the ideal way to press the “reset” button on your interaction.  Of course with any type of physical play, and especially with spinning and tickling, you always want to check in with your child to make sure they’re actually enjoying themselves and having fun.  The idea here is to create connection, not to create laughter at any cost.  Physical play should be a trust BUILDING activity for you and your kids, but if you’re not tuning in to them, it can also damage trust.

5)    Forget yourself- Acting like you can’t remember things or are unable to understand things is a great way to create fun and laughter when you’re about to lose it.  Just try giving in to your desire to turn off your brain, but let your kids revel in the joy of being smarter, having a better memory, and generally being more mentally acute than you are right now.  You’ll be amazed at how willing they’ll be to help YOU into the car, rather than the other way around.

I would love to know if any of these strategies have worked for you.  Please share your experience in the comment box below.

And have a wonderful week!  Warmly, Shelly

Are you tired of tantrums?

Give your kids an alternative

Get more connected by Guessing Feelings

By guessing your child’s feelings, you can help her learn a new way to express herself… verbally!

Even if your guesses are wrong, your child will respond to your efforts to tune into her. When young kids have tantrums, they’re frustrated, low on creativity, and can’t figure out another way to express how strongly they feel.

Remember that tantrums won’t necessarily disappear, just because your little angel is able to say, “Mommy, I’m mad!”

He will have more options, however, and if you can catch him early enough, you might be able to head off some tantrums before they start.

Here are six steps to help you use Guessing Feelings to help create more emotional connectedness for your whole family:

1) Download a Feelings List Here- Feelings List

2) Print it out and use it to expand your own emotional vocabulary. Begin to identify and express your own feelings throughout the day. “Oh! I’m feeling so happy and content right now!”

3) Practice guessing. “Sweetie, are you feeling frustrated?”, or “Wow, it looks like you’re feeling really excited! Are you feeling excited right now?” Be prepared to guess again or be corrected without taking it personally if you don’t get it right the first time.

Remember, it’s not if your guesses are right that counts, it’s the fact that you’re trying to tune in and build emotional vocabulary.

4) Use a wide variety of feeling words with your child every day both by sharing your own feelings and by guessing hers.

5) Next time you’re reading a bed-time story, look for the emotional content and ask your child to guess. “How to you think Thomas is feeling right now?” If you get no response, make your own guesses, “I wonder if he’s feeling lonely because he misses his friends.”

6) Play games with your family in which you each make faces and try to guess feelings, or list feelings and play at exaggerating them.

By expanding the emotional vocabulary you use with your child on a daily basis, you’re setting him up to be able to express his feelings effectively, without completely losing it.

With many repetitions, your child will begin to say things like, “Mommy, I’m feeling frustrated because I need attention!” or “Daddy, I feel sad, can I have a hug?”

If you’d like to learn more about how to increase emotional awareness and connectedness in your family, keep an eye out for our new CD “Perspectives on Feelings”.

Thanks for being here!

Big hugs and love, Shelly

P.S. What did you think of this blog about reflecting feelings? Was it helpful? Clear? Is there anything we could have done better? Please let us know your thoughts and questions in the comment box below. Thanks!