We’ve all been there, it’s time to leave, your child wants to stay and continue to play, you’re tired and ready to go, a conflict is brewing.  How we handle these difficult moments can be the difference between a fantastic day and a really rough one.  And really, either one is available to us in a given moment, we just have to be able to access enough creativity to create the fun, laughter filled connection we’re wanting, rather than falling into a negativity trap.

I know, you’re thinking, but wait, when I’m tired and grumpy, the LAST thing I am is creative.  Well, that’s where I come in.  I can offer you some fun strategies to create more laughter and connection and all you have to do is remember to use them when the time comes.  Sound good?

So here we go, five ways to turn a potential power struggle into a fun, connecting experience for you and your kids.

1)    Turn it into a game- Any time you feel yourself wanting to exert your will, try turning it into a game instead.  Rather than threatening dire consequences, or complaining about how your kids don’t listen, figure out what kind of game you could all play that would get the job done and be fun for them.  Hopping like a bunny to get to the car, strapping on your rocket booster shoes, or finding the keys in a scavenger hunt are all more fun that a grumpy parent frowning and grumbling.  And who knows, if you practice this one enough, you might even fin YOURSELF having more fun and laughter as you move through your day with your kids.

2)    Go for the giggle- What do your kids find hilarious?  Is it peek-a-boo, funny hats, new accents, or physical humor like bumping into things or falling down?  It could be burps and farts or backwards clothing.  But whatever it is that sends your little ones into peels of laughter, do more of it!  Laugher is a wonderful way to connect and release pent up emotions.  Use it to your advantage whenever you feel a power struggle coming on.  After a good laugh, everyone’s more willing to cooperate.

3)    Let the youngest lead- Sometimes it’s exhausting to try to get everyone on the same page and heading in the right direction.  Try assigning that task to the youngest child in your household.  Help her by offering kind ways to ask for what she wants, and by inviting your older children to follow her lead.  Young children have such an incredible imagination, you may even learn a new way to get everyone into the car and on the road (or out of the kitchen while you’re trying to make dinner).  Some of the most fun moments I’ve had as a nanny were times when the youngest one was in charge of a follow the leader game and the rest of us were all down on hands and knees following him around the house.

4)    Physical play-  Jumping on the bed, piling pillows up for hide and seek, rolling, romping and other forms of physical play are a great way to create connection in moments of high tension.  Sometimes all you need is a 10-minute pillow fight to get those tensions out and have fun together. There are times when picking up your baby, or even your two or three year old and spinning him around is the ideal way to press the “reset” button on your interaction.  Of course with any type of physical play, and especially with spinning and tickling, you always want to check in with your child to make sure they’re actually enjoying themselves and having fun.  The idea here is to create connection, not to create laughter at any cost.  Physical play should be a trust BUILDING activity for you and your kids, but if you’re not tuning in to them, it can also damage trust.

5)    Forget yourself- Acting like you can’t remember things or are unable to understand things is a great way to create fun and laughter when you’re about to lose it.  Just try giving in to your desire to turn off your brain, but let your kids revel in the joy of being smarter, having a better memory, and generally being more mentally acute than you are right now.  You’ll be amazed at how willing they’ll be to help YOU into the car, rather than the other way around.

I would love to know if any of these strategies have worked for you.  Please share your experience in the comment box below.

And have a wonderful week!  Warmly, Shelly

I guess I just like watching things grow.  There’s something about planting a seed, watching it grow, bloom and produce fruit that gives me a sense of comfort.  I enjoy watching the progression from cotyledon to true sets of leaves, then pollination, and fruit.  I like tending my plants daily, making sure they’re well watered.  I even like watching the leaves wither and the seeds fall to the ground.  It’s the cycle of life, the ever-turning wheel of almost constant change.

I like to nurture things (and I’m guessing you do too!)  And I’ve found there are quite a few children who, if allowed, can become devoted to growing a bean plant (which will sprout in a wet paper-towel for goodness sake) or daisies, or pumpkins, or all three and more.

By fostering their interest in gardening you can enjoy time together tending the vegetables.  This can meet your needs for peace, nurturing, and beauty while it meets your child’s needs for learning, discovery, and understanding where food comes from.

I’ve seen children hunting and cataloguing insects and birds they find in the garden.  Digging for worms to examine.  And I’ve seen them clamoring over a newly ripe lima bean, deciding among themselves some of the time and coming to me to mediate other times– who gets to eat the delicious bean today?  I’m not kidding you– in our garden, at Berkeley Montessori School, the ripening of the lima beans was Shangri-La.

We grew carrots, lettuce (but sometimes the deer or rabbit ate it), kale, lots and lots of flowers.  Flower arranging was one of the most popular activities in our classroom.

Don’t even get me started about apple season.  We ate apples, cooked with them, watched the squirrels eat them, and used them in art projects.  I wish every child on earth could have an apple tree.

When I was little, we had a cherry tree.  It was my sweet delight, my haven, and a source of some concern, what with cherry trees growing out of people’s ears— or at least that’s what they told me would happen if I swallowed the pit.

I did eat so many cherries I gave myself a stomachache, but then I learned my limits, and just ate a few less. I can never remember anything more than curiosity and gentle suggestions from my mom that perhaps I’d had enough cherries.

Maria Montessori said that all children have an innate desire to learn and grow.  I’ve seen that truth so clearly in my years working with young people.  They’re voracious learners.  The just need some stimulation– something to tend to– you know, a job (or their “great work” as we liked to call it).  Otherwise known as a purpose.  A garden can be just the motivation some kids need to take interest and responsibility.

So, this thing keeps happening in everything I write lately– I start off on one topic- gardening, and I end up on another– a child’s purpose.  But then again, for your child this could be the same thing…  I mean if my purpose is to nurture and support families, couldn’t his just as easily be to grow things?

So, here’s what I’m really saying– grow a garden if you and/or your child would enjoy that.  And whether or not you grow a garden this summer, help your child find a new way to grow into his purpose– whether his purpose is to learn new skills, tend a garden, take care of animals, or whatever!  If it lights him up, encourage him.

In a couple of weeks I’ll write more about how to encourage your child’s desire to cook and prepare food!  You might not be the only one who loves to prepare nutritious and delicious meals for your family.

With love, Shelly

Oh, and I’d love to hear what you think.  Please leave a comment in the box below.  Thanks!

Wanna have more fun with your kids AND keep your heart healthy?

Then try Going for the Giggle!

We’ve all heard the old adage “Laughter is the best medicine.”

Well… guess what?

It’s really true!

Recent heart and blood vessel research shows that laughter may actually help prevent heart disease!  By laughing more with your family, you’ll have more fun and connection while supporting healthy hearts all around.

Here at Awake Parent, we’re big fans of letting kids release their feelings- but that doesn’t mean you’re stuck listening to screaming, crying kids all the time!

Kids can release their feelings through laughter too.  (And it’s usually a LOT more fun for everyone)

There are bunches of ways to bring more humor into our everyday lives.

Here are a few of my favorites:

1) Try something spontaneous or silly.

If it brings a smile to their little faces, keep it up!

You might be surprised at what is funny to your kids.

For young children and babies, something as simple as putting a stuffed animal on your head and pretending you don’t know it’s there can produce peals of laughter — especially if you also do a funny face or goofy voice.

For older kids, fart noises are a sure win. (heehee)

Remember keep on being silly until they stop laughing!  If you’re not all lying on the floor in a cuddle puddle, you’re not done yet.

2) Play the fool.

This brings SO much joy to young people…

Anytime you can’t remember something simple –or you’re acting extra clumsy — you have an opportunity to make them laugh.

Not only do they get to laugh at you, they also get to feel smarter and more powerful than you, (Which is a fun change from the norm.)

Try asking your three year old where things are in your home –or forgetting what sounds certain animals make — and you’ll have hours of playful fun.

3) Play the Feather Touch Game.

Like  playing the fool, the Feather Touch game lets your child be strong while you be the (much) weaker one.

Just pretend you’re going about your business, but when your child gently touches you…

Suddenly fall down!

Then pretend you’re not sure what happened, “Whoa, that must have been a strong wind!  One minute I was standing up, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground!”

4) Allow Your Child to be in charge of all tickling.

In case you’re wondering… tickling is only fun when the person being tickled is in charge.

When I was young and playing with my Mom, I LOVED to be tickled, but only because I trusted that my mom would stop, when I said stop.

Being tickled against my will might have seemed like it was fun to an outsider–I was laughing after all…

But inside I felt hurt and angry because I didn’t have any power over my experience.

Tickling can also be scary, even terrifying for kids.

So, yes, tickle your kids if they like it, and ask for it, and make sure they know that you’ll stop when they say so. It’s another fun way to release feelings safely.

Thanks for reading! 
Love, Shelly

Next Week:  Sometimes nobody’s in the mood to giggle, so next week I’ll share six steps to connect with your child.  Learn why sometimes guessing is even better than knowing.

P.S. What did you think about “Going for the Giggle”?  Do these ideas seem like they’ll work in your family?  Are you ready to try them?  Or do you have questions or thoughts?

As always, we welcome your comments, please leave them in the comment box below…