Isn’t it amazing what kids find funny?  I’ve been surprised more than once by what seems hilarious to a 2, 4 or 6 year old.  And then I remember, their sense of humor is just developing.  Kids this age have a challenging time understanding word play and innuendo, but they do know that burps, farts, and poop are some of the funniest things around.

I’m guessing you’ve especially had an opportunity to witness this phenomena if you have a little boy but some little girls love potty talk too.  Suddenly “poopy butt” or “potty head” is their new favorite nickname for everyone.

So, what to do?  Well, first of all, recognizing that this is a normal stage of development can help you breathe deeply and relax a little when your child says “penis” for the tenth time that day or calls the lady checking you out at the grocery store a “fart face”.  Patience is a huge key to allowing this stage to pass, but patience alone will probably not create the kind of verbal environment you’re wanting.

So, you’ll have to create boundaries, letting your child know what works for you and what doesn’t.  I invite you to give a little here, and recognize that using potty talk is a way that your child is experiencing joy, laughter, and humor.  But clearly it’s not appropriate to call the teacher names or to shout the names of certain body parts across the store.  So the first step is to decide where your boundary is.  And that can vary greatly depending on your own preferences.

Once you’ve determined which words bother you and which ones don’t, and also which words are OK sometimes, I recommend you make a list.  In the first column, words that are silly and fun but OK anytime; in the second column words that are OK some of the time, but not in public, during dinner, or with grandma and grandpa; and in the third column, words that are absolutely off limits at all times.  These should be words you’ve heard your child say, (you don’t want to give them any new ideas) but which you absolutely cannot abide, such as profanity.

Now that you’ve gotten clear which words really bother you, you can let your child know- these are the words that are off limits and will not be tolerated at any time.  You may need to implement a logical consequence if these words continue to show up, for instance some quiet time or a formal apology to anyone who was offended.  And don’t underestimate the power of ignoring.  Sometimes, all your child is looking for is a big reaction from you, so maintaining your composure and either ignoring or dispassionately implementing a consequence won’t give them the excitement they’re wanting, and they’ll soon lose interest.

Now for the really fun part, you get to share the middle list, the list of words that are OK some of the time, but not in public or during dinner. You can let your child know that there are certain times and circumstances when it’s absolutely OK to joke around with those words.  This will be easier for older children and more difficult for kids 2-4yo.  If the use of the words in the middle column gets out of hand, I recommend setting up a time each evening when it’s “potty talk” time.  That way, your child can enjoy saying things like “poopy butt” at a time of your choosing, and at home.

If you can really get into this and join in with your child, you can have a super fun time laughing and joking, and when those words show up at other times you can say, “Let’s save those words for potty talk time” with a wink.  By joining your child in potty talk time, you’re creating connection and using humor that they enjoy and are familiar with.  And kids always think it’s funny when adults use potty talk, so now you’re all laughing together and strengthening your bond.  In addition, you’re demystifying those words, and debunking the taboo, which is likely to help their interest wane over time.

You also want to remind your child of the words in the first column, the words that are silly and fun and OK anytime.  You might even create some new words with your child, and then redirect her to these words if they start to veer into language you’re not enjoying.  Words like, “Rats!”, “fiddle faddle”, or “Oh snap!” might fulfill the need to express something with extra emphasis, without offending you or others around you.  The more you can engage your child in coming up with alternatives, the more likely they are to use them, so really get creative and listen to their suggestions.  And don’t forget to use the alternatives yourself!  Like it or not, we’re often the ones who are the most influential on our children’s choice of language.

I’m hoping these thoughts and ideas will help you with any challenges you might be having with potty talk.  And I would love to hear about what you’ve tried, what has worked, and what you think about this topic.  Please leave me a comment!

Have a great week, Shelly

If you’re noticing that your kids are having a difficult time cooperating or listening or generally following your lead, first let me remind you, you’re not alone.  Lots of parents go through this difficulty every day.  I know it can be super frustrating when you’re just trying to get things done, or get to the store, or follow the rules, and your child is fighting you every step of the way.

One way to encourage cooperation from kids is to designate some time each week (or day) where they get to be in charge.  Somehow by allowing kids to take the lead for even 10 minutes a day, you’ll find that they’re much more willing to allow you to take the lead for the rest of the time.  There are several ways you can do this.

First, let your child know that for the next 10 minutes, they get to be in charge, they’re the boss, the parent, or the king or queen of your home.  Tell them that as long as the activities they choose are safe, you’ll follow their lead.

You can try playing follow the leader and allow the youngest child in your household to be the leader.  Follow along as if you’re completely entranced by the activities your child is doing and encourage any other siblings to play too.  You’ll be amazed at what a difference it can make in the life of a young child when they get this time to be in charge, tell people what to do, and watch them do the silly things they’ve thought up.

If you think about it, young people get so little of this kind of play time, they’re starving for some king or queen time.  Kids are constantly told where to be, what to wear, how to act, and to “hurry up”.  Imagine how good it feels to them when they get to be the ones in charge, bossing us around for a change.  They love it!

For more games you can play that your kids will love and that will encourage their sense of power and control over their lives see my blog “Go for the giggle”.

Now you may wonder why giving kids a sense of power and control helps them follow your lead during the rest of the day.  My theory is that kids naturally want to cooperate with adults, but after denying their needs for power for days and weeks in a row, they simply explode and are unable to continue to cooperate.  When this need gets met, even for a short time each day or a few times a week, kids easily fall back into their natural role as helpers and apprentices.

Another benefit to taking time each day to reverse roles with your child is that you get to model the kind of easy cooperation you’re wanting from them.  When they’re greeted with “Good evening Sire, may I take your shoes?  Is there anything I can get you?” they begin to understand what kind cooperation, generous service, and easy collaboration look like.  So during the rest of the day, you’re much more likely to hear the very phrases you’ve used during your special play time.

Imagine hearing, “Mommy, may I take your shoes?  Is there anything I can get you?”  Ahhh, sounds like heaven.  So, during the times when you offer your child the opportunity to be in charge and to be the more powerful one, really play it up, let them know that you honor and respect them.  Be as helpful and kind as you can be with them and watch their own generosity blossom.

I’d love to hear how this goes in your family.  Please leave me a comment below.

Have a fantastic week, Shelly

Wanna have more fun with your kids AND keep your heart healthy?

Then try Going for the Giggle!

We’ve all heard the old adage “Laughter is the best medicine.”

Well… guess what?

It’s really true!

Recent heart and blood vessel research shows that laughter may actually help prevent heart disease!  By laughing more with your family, you’ll have more fun and connection while supporting healthy hearts all around.

Here at Awake Parent, we’re big fans of letting kids release their feelings- but that doesn’t mean you’re stuck listening to screaming, crying kids all the time!

Kids can release their feelings through laughter too.  (And it’s usually a LOT more fun for everyone)

There are bunches of ways to bring more humor into our everyday lives.

Here are a few of my favorites:

1) Try something spontaneous or silly.

If it brings a smile to their little faces, keep it up!

You might be surprised at what is funny to your kids.

For young children and babies, something as simple as putting a stuffed animal on your head and pretending you don’t know it’s there can produce peals of laughter — especially if you also do a funny face or goofy voice.

For older kids, fart noises are a sure win. (heehee)

Remember keep on being silly until they stop laughing!  If you’re not all lying on the floor in a cuddle puddle, you’re not done yet.

2) Play the fool.

This brings SO much joy to young people…

Anytime you can’t remember something simple –or you’re acting extra clumsy — you have an opportunity to make them laugh.

Not only do they get to laugh at you, they also get to feel smarter and more powerful than you, (Which is a fun change from the norm.)

Try asking your three year old where things are in your home –or forgetting what sounds certain animals make — and you’ll have hours of playful fun.

3) Play the Feather Touch Game.

Like  playing the fool, the Feather Touch game lets your child be strong while you be the (much) weaker one.

Just pretend you’re going about your business, but when your child gently touches you…

Suddenly fall down!

Then pretend you’re not sure what happened, “Whoa, that must have been a strong wind!  One minute I was standing up, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground!”

4) Allow Your Child to be in charge of all tickling.

In case you’re wondering… tickling is only fun when the person being tickled is in charge.

When I was young and playing with my Mom, I LOVED to be tickled, but only because I trusted that my mom would stop, when I said stop.

Being tickled against my will might have seemed like it was fun to an outsider–I was laughing after all…

But inside I felt hurt and angry because I didn’t have any power over my experience.

Tickling can also be scary, even terrifying for kids.

So, yes, tickle your kids if they like it, and ask for it, and make sure they know that you’ll stop when they say so. It’s another fun way to release feelings safely.

Thanks for reading! 
Love, Shelly

Next Week:  Sometimes nobody’s in the mood to giggle, so next week I’ll share six steps to connect with your child.  Learn why sometimes guessing is even better than knowing.

P.S. What did you think about “Going for the Giggle”?  Do these ideas seem like they’ll work in your family?  Are you ready to try them?  Or do you have questions or thoughts?

As always, we welcome your comments, please leave them in the comment box below…