1)     What topic or skill is she most interested in right now?

2)    What action or activity does she seem to enjoy most and like to repeat?

3)    Which items on the shelf are being ignored? (they are probably too easy)

4)   Which items on the shelf are most popular?

5)    When does she get frustrated? (probably too difficult)

These questions help me identify possible new activities, create extensions for activities that are too easy, and remove activities that are too challenging. They also help me identify any sensitive periods of development my child might be in currently.

My daughter is in several sensitive periods right now. She is absorbing language, practicing her verbal skills and memorizing books, asking for multiple repetitions. She is very interested in putting things in and taking things out of boxes, baskets and the like with repetition. And she enjoys using wind instruments like whistles and recorders.

So I often ask myself “How can I provide opportunities for her to further develop her interests and skills?”  And inevitably when I ask myself the question, answers arise. Obviously we’re reading books like crazy, I mean right now she is read at least a dozen books every single day and often she wants each book read multiple times in a sitting.

And then I’m also sensitive to opportunities to hone her skills when we’re out an about. The other day we went to a market near our home where they provide working child-sized grocery carts. We had a handful of items on our list so I asked my daughter to find the items on the list (I helped her locate them) and she delighted in putting four cans of chicken noodle soup into the cart all by her self. We continued through the store searching for what we needed.

When we had everything on our list she was happy to push the cart up to the check out line and talk with the mom and baby in line behind us while we waited for our turn. Then she preceded to hand the checkout guy every item in the cart one by one. All the adults were very impressed but Julia just seemed satisfied with her work and with the social interactions she was having. She wasn’t looking for praise (and honestly she didn’t get much more than a “Thanks honey!”). Instead, she was simply continuing to develop her skills, pushing herself to do more and better than she had ever done before. It was really fun to watch!

So what is your child most interested in right now? How can he further develop an emerging skill? And which activities can you think up that will help foster his love of learning?

Here’s a sampling of activities for Julia right now (she’s 17 months old).

1)     Coloring with large whole hand grasping crayons

2)    Spooning beans from one dish to another

3)    Books, books, and more books

4)   Putting blocks, books, and other toys away

5)    Bean or water bin

If you need some suggestions for your child’s age/developmental stage, leave a comment!

And have a fantastic week, Shelly

In the Montessori classroom we always had an open and close activity that the kids would gravitate toward, so I knew my daughter would enjoy learning to open and close things. But I had no idea just how MUCH she would enjoy it! We currently have an Open/Close activity in my office and every time my office door is open, my daughter makes a bee-line to it, takes the objects out of the box and begins to open and close them again and again and again.

Here’s a video I took last week…

My 13mo. old daughter doing her open/close activity from Shelly on Vimeo.

One of the great things about this activity is that it can grow with your child. Right now I have a couple of small metal tins, a small jar with a lid, and a plastic container with an attached lid in the activity for my 13 month old. But when she’s 3 years old, we’ll have a coin purse with a zipper, a box with a latch, and some other more challenging items.

Even if your child is 7 or 8 years old, you can find fun things to put in an open/close activity. Most 8 year olds I know LOVE figuring out how to lock and unlock padlocks or even the front door of their house. Of course you’ll have to decide what you’re comfortable with.  Learning to open and close plastic baggies and food containers can be a fun challenge too.  Remember diaries with locks?

So, the next time you get annoyed that your little one is emptying your purse out on the floor of the restaurant, remember, he’s just trying to learn about opening, closing, and containment. Oh, and he’s probably also looking for a toy or a treat too and I’m guessing he’ll find one!

Consider creating an open/close activity to keep at home, or a portable one for when you’re out and about. You can offer a lunch box filled with containers or an old purse you’re willing to give to your child. Begin collecting small items that have unique and interesting closures.

Once you have a few items compiled, arrange them in a basket or box and display the activity in an accessible location. When your child shows interest in the new “work,” sit down together and demonstrate opening and closing each item before allowing her to explore the activity on her own.

For added interest for your older child, include a small car, animal, doll, or action figure inside each container. For your reader, label the containers and invite your child to put the appropriate item back into the container when he’s finished playing.

We are having so much fun at our house with our open and close activity. I would love to hear about your experience with this fun work! Please share a comment below. And have a great week! Warmly, Shelly

And then it hit me; maybe I didn’t actually have to install all those latches!  Of course, I realize that I might need to add a few as my daughter grows and gets into things more, but I came up with a solution that is working well and has caused the least work for everyone.  I gave my daughter her very own drawer.

As soon as she opened the bottom drawer in the kitchen for the very first time, I grabbed a bag, threw its original contents inside, and then tossed a few of her toys in the drawer.  I included some kitchen items like a metal spoon, a set of measuring spoons, and a plastic cup.  And voila!  She took to it like a bee to honey.

Now, whenever I’m cooking or we’re hanging out in the kitchen, she crawls right over, opens up her drawer and plays with her “kitchen toys.” She hardly even seems to notice that there are other cabinets and drawers nearby!

Office shelf

But I didn’t stop there, I gave her a drawer in the master bathroom and she occupies herself masterfully while my husband and I take our morning showers.

We have also designated the bottom two shelves of the living room bookcase to the little one, and in true Montessori form, I leave new and exciting toys on those shelves to encourage her exploration. She even has two shelves in my office that will have her “work” on them for years to come.

Sure, we also have a basket of toys in the kitchen, living room, and her bedroom too.  But she seems to enjoy her drawers even more, and I don’t have to look at the stuff inside when she’s finished, I just close the drawer!  Of course, the next step will be to teach her to close the drawers herself.  And after that, we’ll begin putting toys into the drawer and closing it when we’re about to leave the room.

Living room shelf

If you have an older child who doesn’t yet have any designated kid’s activity areas in the common rooms, I highly recommend you clear some space for your younger family members.  Then, stock their shelves and drawers with interesting activities that you’ll rotate when they lose their appeal.  And if you also provide a rug and/or a child sized desk or table that they can work at, you’ll be helping your child set up great work habits and helping yourself get some peace and quiet.  Because, when kids know where to look for an activity that they can explore on their own, they’ll go back to it again and again, and you’ll actually get some adult work done!

I would love to hear about your own solutions to support your child’s freedom and independence at home.  Please leave me a comment!

Have a fantastic week, Shelly

At Montessori school, we used the swings to help kids focus at least several times a week. I even activate my own vestibular system by doing somersaults whenever I’m feeling socially anxious. (So if we’re at a party together and I sneak into a back hallway for a moment, you know what I’m up to.) The thing is, it really works! After a few forward rolls, I feel so much happier and better able to engage and be social. If you don’t believe me, I challenge you to try it for yourself.

But I’m not writing this to help adults with their social anxiety, rather, I want young people who get labeled as “out of control” or informally called “adhd” to have solutions to anxiety, aggressiveness, or lack of focus that are easy, fun, and free of negative side effects. So, the next time you see your kids spinning in circles, remember that they’re self-regulating and it’s really good for their brains. Plus, it’s just fun and it feels good to spin around in circles!

For months now my daughter has enjoyed shaking her head back and forth. She’ll shake her head and then look up and smile. I usually join her just because it’s fun, but now I’m remembering that shaking our heads or moving our heads through space in other ways is actually crucial to brain health and wellbeing. The vestibular system needs input!

And, now that we humans spend less time running through the forest and more time sitting in front of screens, it’s even more important that we consciously choose to activate those systems.

So, your homework this week is to dance, wiggle, spin, jump, cartwheel, and swing with your kids. It’s good for everybody’s brain and it’s a great strategy to teach your child for times when he’s feeling worried, bored, or disconnected.

Have a fabulous week! Warmly, Shelly

You might even already have a rug that will work well.  You want a rag rug, bathmat, or other rug that is about three feet by four feet in size and is easy to roll up.  To keep it out of the way when it’s not being  used, you can store your rug in a clean trash can, large vase, or other container when it’s rolled up.  And when your child is ready to get out her dinosaurs, remind her to get her rug first.

Children often enjoy taking care of their workspace and will take great pleasure in laying out their rug and then setting out their toys or other activities.  And, by keeping the space defined you will notice several benefits.

First, your child will feel his work and play are honored and important when you make it a point to walk around his rug and encourage other family members to respect his space.  Second, you’ll cut down of sibling conflict when each child has his own space and both practice respecting one another’s space.  In the Montessori classroom children are required to ask permission to touch anything on someone else’s rug.

Also, if you need to move your child’s activity, it’s fairly easy to pick up two ends of the rug and drag it over to another spot without disturbing what’s on the rug.  That means that even though she starts a puzzle on the living room floor, you can pull it over to the hallway, or even into her room, when the family needs the floor space again.

And, by keeping their work on a rug, it’s easy to see whether they’ve put away one thing before getting out something else.  “Oh, I see there’s still work on your rug.  Please clean that up first, and then we can bake some muffins.”

For older kids, especially those who like to play with leggos or other small pieces, I recommend you use a folded sheet BEFORE dumping the leggos out.  You can fold the sheet to a size that works for your child (about 5’x5’ works well).

Then, after she’s finished playing, she can set up her finished work on a desk or dresser for display and simply lift all four corners of the sheet to concentrate the small pieces in the center of the sheet.  Then she can either scoop them up into their bin or with your help, the two of you can pour the leggos into the bin!  It’s SO much easier than picking up individual pieces.  Trust me, this cuts leggo clean up time to a fraction of the time it used to take.

I’m curious, have you tried using a rug or sheet in this way?  Has it worked well for you?  I would love to hear about your experiences.  Please leave me a comment!  Warm hugs, Shelly

This sensitive period for order can be challenging, but there’s no fighting against human development, and if you think about it, you wouldn’t want to anyway.  This is actually the perfect time to teach your child how to put away toys, straighten her room, and help out in the kitchen.  But in order to capitalize on your child’s innate desire to learn and this sensitive period for order heed this advice:  Attention to detail is the key to getting the most cooperation from your child during this time.

Let me illustrate further; Paying attention to minute details and showing your child all the tiny steps involved in tidying, cleaning, and putting things away create more interest and better results.  For instance, if you would like to teach your three year old to fold and put away his socks follow these steps slowly, carefully, and methodically (and wait until you have your child’s attention before moving on to the next step):

1)     Take newly dried clothes out of the dryer while they’re still warm

2)    Put them in a pile on the bed and invite your child to feel the warmth and play in the pile a little bit.

3)    Ask your child if he would like to play a sock folding game.  If yes, continue, if no, try another time.

4)   Ask your child to help you find two matching socks.

5)    Put every ounce of your attention on the pair of socks, turning them, feeling them, noticing the details and the way they feel in your hands.

6)    Examine the toe of the socks and show your child the sewn ends of the socks.

7)    Examine the hole of the socks and show your child how you can put your fingers inside the hole.

8)    Determine whether the socks are inside out or not.

9)    Slowly right any sock that is inside out, showing your child exactly what you are doing.

10) Place one sock carefully on the bed in an area clear of other laundry and with the toe to the right.

11)    Place the matching sock on top of the first sock.

12)  Fold the stacked socks in half lifting the cuffs and laying them on top of the toes.

13)  Put your right hand inside the fold with your thumbs inside the top sock

14) Use your left hand to stretch the top of the sock over the top of the other sock.

15)  Regard your work.

16)  Repeat until all socks are folded (remember to remain slow and methodical in your movements).

17)  Place the folded socks in a neat pile.

18)  Carry the folded socks to the dresser and put them on top.

19)  Open the drawer and place the socks inside one pair at a time with care and deliberation.

20)  Carefully close the drawer and smile at a job well done

21)  Let your child try and offer no further guidance, just continue to demonstrate silently.

As you can see, the “simple” act of folding and putting away one’s socks can be a challenging muti-step process for a young person.  But if you are willing to take the time to teach your child these types of skills now, you will undoubtedly reap the rewards later.  Be careful not to expect your child to put away her socks every time from now on though.  The more freedom your child has to express her newfound love of order, the more it will emerge and grow.  On the other hand, if your child feels forced into a greater sense of order than has naturally developed, she is likely to rebel.

I hope this was helpful and I welcome your comments, stories, and questions.  Please leave me a comment!  And have a wonderful week, Shelly

But the unmet need that I notice most in young children is the need for autonomy.  Children desperately need to be able to do things on their own and to choose their own path and luckily for you, there are simple things you can do around the house to support your child’s autonomy.

First, take a tour through your home in your mind.  Starting at the front door, do kids have a place to put their coats and shoes when they get home?  Is the place for coats and shoes easily accessible?  For children under five years (and for older children and even adults) the easiest place to put a coat is on a hook near the front (or back) door.  And to put shoes on and take them off, a child-sized bench to sit on is quite useful.

As you move through your home in your mind, consider whether your child has access to the things she needs.  Can she reach toys and books in the living room?  Art supplies, dishes, water and a snack in the kitchen?  Is there a stool in the bathroom that makes using the toilet and washing hands easy?  Can he reach the towel to dry his hands?

Each room of your home should have an activity for your child available in case he wants to be in the same room with you, and in case he doesn’t!  By putting dishes within reach you’ll cut down drastically on the two year old tantrums that start with a screeching whine, “But I waaant the bluuuue cuuup!”

And, of all rooms of your home, a child’s own room should be the most accessible and easy to navigate.  Your child should be able to access clothes, a hamper for dirty clothes, a full length mirror for self grooming, toys, books, games and other supplies that she enjoys.  And when it comes to toys, small bins with a few items each are much easier to access than huge bins with tons of stuff jammed in.

Also, consider whether it’s easy for your child to make a mess and clean it up without help.  Learning to take care of one’s environment is a skill that can begin as early as 18 months and can last a lifetime.  Check out my blog about how to get kids to help with clean-up if you’re stumped as to how to start.

Here’s an Autonomy check-list that you can use to analyze your home’s accessibility.  This list is intended for children ages 3-5, but you can modify it for other ages:

• Make sure jackets and shoes are easy to put on “all by myself”
• Provide a low hook with easy access for a young child to hang up and remove his own jacket
• Be sure young people have access to water for drinking and hand-washing
• Provide stools where needed at sinks and counters
• Help children learn practical life skills such as pouring, spooning, cutting, and cleaning up
• Provide trays to help contain and easily store activities
• Get a safety knife, and small cutting board for cutting fruits and vegetables, add a moist sponge for clean up.
• Get a comfortable reading chair that fits your child’s body
• Allow children access to their toys, books, thought provoking learning materials and art supplies
• Be sure clothing fits, is within reach, and is easy to remove and put away
• Provide all personal hygiene materials in easy to access drawers or on counters (i.e. tooth and hair brushes, tissues, towels, and washcloths)
• Provide easy access to a hand held mirror and a full length mirror at child height
• Get a child sized broom, brush and dustpan for clean up of dry messes and make them available
• Make sure towels and sponges are easily accessible for wet messes
• Provide breadbox sized baskets for clean up and current projects
• Be sure your child is able to get into and out of bed without assistance
• Consider whether it is possible to safely allow your child unassisted access to the outdoors

I hope these ideas and the list I’ve provided are helpful to you.  Please let me know how your autonomy renovations go!  And if you celebrate Christmas, have a happy one!  Warmly, Shelly

P.S. There’s another blog about autonomy here

What she meant is that for young people, it’s the process of learning that is to be enjoyed and savored.  Too often we put the emphasis on our kid’s paintings, drawings, or little cut out shapes, but we forget that it’s the experience of painting, drawing, and cutting that matter most to our child’s development.

For children, it’s easy to enjoy the process because they haven’t yet been conditioned to value product over process.  You can see evidence of this in that many three or four year olds will spend time creating a piece of artwork only to forget it at school or toss it aside when it’s finished.  We are the ones who teach children to value their art by featuring it on the refrigerator or espousing it’s many wonderful qualities.  But is our value of product over process something we really want to teach our kids?

What if instead we supported their innate experience that the present moment is really all there is?  What if we agreed with them that the feeling of the sand moving through their fingers is just as valuable as an ornate sand castle?  I imagine kids would experience a lot less frustration if we stood behind the idea that the process matters even more than the final product.  After all, it’s often when they “mess up” that kids get frustrated, but if messing up was actually expected and enjoyed for it’s teaching value, it would inevitably be much less painful.

So this week, focus on the process and let go of your attachment to the final product.  Remember, the more fun kids have as they learn new things, the more likely they are to continue to develop a lifelong love of learning.  Consider activities you can do with your kids that are process oriented such as water play and shaving cream finger painting.  And if you do something that is more product oriented, focus on the process!  See how much fun you can have working on a puzzle together, playing a game, or building something.  And when it’s all finished, don’t make a big deal about the finished product.  Instead, remind your child how much fun it was to work together on it.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences with this concept.  Does it speak to you?  Are there times when you’ve seen the benefit of focusing on the process and letting go of the final product?  Please share a thought or story in the comment box below.

And have a wonderful week, Shelly

My daughter has Erb’s palsy brought on by her shoulder dystocia during birth.  At first I didn’t notice anything wrong, and since most babies heal on their own without any intervention, I just assumed she would too.   She did seem to prefer to use her right arm and hand, but I didn’t know that wasn’t normal.

We have a wonderful pediatric physical therapist who is teaching me all about arm, shoulder and hand development in infants.  She’s taught me that at three months old, Julia shouldn’t have a handedness or preference for one side over the other.  So, I started paying closer attention to the specific movements we’re looking for and truly comparing her arm and hand development on the left with the development of the right.  Much to my amazement there are differences that had gone unnoticed by me in the past.  Although she’s starting to use her left arm more and more, she does raise her right arm above her head more often than she does with her left.

So, what does this have to do with you and with parenting in general?  My point is that if we’re not paying close attention to the physical, emotional, and social development of our kids, things can slip through the cracks unnoticed.  We have to take the time to actually pay attention to where kids are developmentally in order to know that they’re on track and, more importantly, in order to know how to challenge and encourage them to develop further.

Luckily, children are born with an innate desire to learn and grow, so even if we’re not paying attention, most kids will continue to develop.  But if you’re reading this, then you want to help your child in every way you can so that he can reach his full potential.  In order to do that, you’ve got to know where your child is at and what the next steps of development are.

If your child is acting out with tantrums, biting, hitting, or in some other way, observation is a key to making a change.  When you know exactly how she looks just before she bites, or you notice him getting more and more agitated as the day goes on and every evening he has a tantrum, you can start to head these things off at the pass.

And if you’re not having those kinds of challenges, but just want to support your child to achieve the next developmental milestone or learn the next thing that interests her, again observation will give you new information that will let you know how to intervene or what you might introduce next.

So, what exactly to I mean by “observation”?  I mean watching your child, noticing his preferences and interests, being aware of his abilities, knowing what’s easy for him and what’s difficult for him.  When we observe a child, we’re not intervening or interrupting, we’re simply watching quietly and taking note (or maybe literally taking notes) about the areas of learning or development that interest us.

We’re also not making judgments or evaluations; we’re just noticing what’s so.  Rather than thinking something like, “Joey hates to use his spoon.” A true observation might be more like, “Joey seems to prefer using his fingers to eat, he gets frustrated when he tries to use his spoon and often throws it down.”  Try to make your observations as scientific, accurate, and free of judgment as possible.  This can be tricky, judgments seem to sneak in when we least expect them.  So, be patient with yourself as you learn this new skill.

As an assistant teacher in a Montessori classroom a huge part of my job was to observe the children and report to the head teacher what I had noticed.  Together, the head teacher and I would come up with strategies to introduce the next opportunity for growth and development.  Sometimes it was a new lesson with a Montessori learning material, but other times it was a social milestone we wanted to encourage, so we would come up with strategies to help kids learn to share, or work as a team, or resolve their conflicts.

At home with your family you might notice things like conflict between family members, or a child’s desire to learn to cook.  You might suddenly realize that the baby is hungry or tired at a time when you didn’t expect it.  When you notice these things you can address them proactively by coming up with a plan and implementing it.  But if you never noticed, then there’s nothing you can do to help foster the rest, peace, or new skill you might want to support.

This week take some time to sit and quietly watch your kids.  Take notes about what you’re observing.  What’s happening?  What are your child’s strengths and challenges?  And consider what opportunities you might have to help your child in a new way, now that you’ve taken the time to observe exactly where she’s at right now.

Please leave any questions or share a story in the comment box below.  Thanks!

Have a fantastic week, Shelly