12 Ways to Encourage Failure and Why You Definitely Want to Do it

Now why in the world would I suggest that you’d want to encourage your child to fail? Well, current research is telling us interesting things about which character traits are associated with lifelong achievement and success. It’s also showing us that these “traits” are not simply inborn, but can be actively taught.

Character traits like grit, perseverance, and tenacity turn out to be much higher predictors of accomplishment than test scores, grades, or even IQ. It turns out that even smart kids who lack these skills often end up leaving college without a degree or have a difficult time holding down a job. On the flip side, even children who aren’t academically gifted can achieve great things if they have the drive and tenacity to keep reaching toward their goals. read more

Want to Instantly Turn Defiance Into Cooperation? Try This!

Some of the most frustrating moments I’ve experienced while being with young people are those times when I really need their cooperation and instead I get met with defiance. I’m trying to get out the door and they refuse to put on their shoes. I want to sit down for dinner and they’re running around the house screaming. I’d like to brush their teeth and get them ready for bed, and they just want to keep playing. Ugh!

I’ve tried lots of strategies to transform those moments, and now that my daughter is approaching 3, I’ve been getting even more opportunities to help her move from defiance to cooperation. Granted, we’ve done a LOT of work to develop ongoing cooperation already, but there are times when I can see, she’s just not interested in going along with what I’m wanting. She wants to assert herself, choose her own path, and often in those moments what’s most fun is to choose the exact opposite of what I want. read more

Terrified of the Terrible Twos? How About Terrific Twos Instead!

Yes, it is true that two-year-old children don’t have much impulse control or emotion regulation skills and that coupled with their very strong preferences has given them a bad reputation as irrational and explosive. I’ve been told all sorts of things about “the terrible twos,” especially when I was a nanny and again as I prepared for motherhood. But it really doesn’t have to be this way. Tantrums and other toddler behaviors that are difficult for us are actually just a signal that a child’s needs aren’t fully being met. Luckily, we CAN meet those needs and enjoy far less of those pesky behaviors. read more

Do You Recognize the 7 Warning Signs of a Toddler About to Hit or Bite?

It seems to come out of nowhere. One second your toddler is playing peacefully near a friend, and the next moment the other child is running to you screaming, “He bit me!” or “She hit me!” You feel embarrassed, confused, and unsure how to proceed. Meanwhile the other child’s mom is staring at you like, “Aren’t you going to DO something about this?!”

You’re sure your friend or family member is expecting you to put your child in time out, but you’ve heard that punishment undermines your connection with your child, so what to do? read more

Helping Kids Eat Healthy Foods

Here’s a question I hear a lot from parents of toddlers (and older children too): “How do I get them to eat nutritious foods?” Well, I’m going to give it to you straight, but you might not like what I have to say on the subject.

The current research is clear about two things:

1) Eating meals together as a family produces healthier eating

2) Your kids will eat what you eat

So, if you don’t want your children to drink sugary soda, guess what? You’re going to have to give it up.

Of course, we’ve found a temporary way around that one, we just tell our daughter that we’re having an “adult drink” and so far, she accepts that. But we know it won’t last forever, and truly, sugary drinks are quickly becoming the next national health crisis. We have got to get over our addiction to them. read more