Today I want to share something I learned from NLP (otherwise known as neuro-linguistic programming) called a “state change”.  We’re always in some sort of emotional state, whether happy, sad, excited, or frustrated.  And often it feels like we’re at the whim of our emotions.  When I’m frustrated it seems like there is no way to transform the frustration into something else.  But there is!  We can consciously create a “state change” in ourselves and often in others, pretty much any time we want!

Sounds too good to be true doesn’t it?  Well, I assure you, I’ve used this technique countless times with kids and with myself and it really works!  But, how does it work?  Well, here’s the thing, the body and the emotions are directly linked to each other.  When we feel sad, we look down, hunch our shoulders, pout and stay still.  On the other hand, when we feel happy and excited, we throw our shoulders back, look up, smile and move our bodies!

The trick is realizing that the conversation between the body and the emotions is a two way street.  Not only does our body reflect how we’re feeling, but our feelings reflect how we’re holding our bodies!

Try this the next time you’re feeling down.  Find a brightly lit room, look up at the ceiling, smile your biggest smile and think about something you love.  Now how do you feel?  It’s almost impossible to continue feeling sad when your shoulders are back, you’re looking up, smiling and thinking of something you love or enjoy!  You can try the opposite too (although it’s less fun).

Sometime when you’re feeling great, try hunching your shoulders, looking down at the ground, and thinking about something really sad.  You’ll almost immediately start to feel sadness.

So, how can you use this two way street to your advantage?  You can actually tell your emotions what to feel by holding your body in a certain way!  And, you can interrupt your thoughts and feelings by moving your body in a new way!  When I’m feeling anxious at a social event or party, I often go into a back room or hallway and do a couple of summersaults.  By changing my body chemistry, my mood automatically changes and I feel ready to be social!

This also works with kids.  When your baby is upset, you automatically start bouncing, jiggling, rocking, and dancing.  The motion helps your baby change state and become more calm.  Similarly, if your 3or 4 year old is having trouble focusing or is bothering a sibling, sweetly scooping them up and spinning them around a few times can often completely change the situation and your child’s state.

Or, if you’re all annoyed with each other, putting on some music and dancing together can be the key to a state change.  And don’t forget the magic of warm water to induce a state change.  When I’m upset, a warm bath makes everything better and that can also be true for your little one.

So this week, pay attention to your emotions and consider whether you WANT to be feeling this way or whether you’d rather feel something else.  Then take action and practice CREATING the emotional state you would most enjoy.  I would love to hear how it goes, please let me know!

And have a fantastic week.  Warmly, Shelly

This week I watched a fascinating video about baby led breastfeeding.  It showed newborn, days old, and months old infants maneuvering themselves into a good nursing position with very little help from their mothers.  Babies were deliberate in their movements bobbing and clearly searching for the nipple.  And, when they found it on their own, many mothers reported that the latch was more comfortable than it had been when they had tried to help their babies find the nipple.  What an incredible innate ability babies have!

Watching newborn infants lead the way at breastfeeding reminded me of one of the foundations of Maria Montessori’s groundbreaking educational philosophies; follow the child.  Montessori asserted that children have an innate desire to learn and if we follow their lead, they will enjoy learning, retain more information, and continue to seek out even more knowledge.

But following the child doesn’t just work to help kids develop their intellect, it also helps them to find their power and leadership skills.  When we allow children to be in charge and take the lead, they will often surprise us with their creativity and take us in directions we never expected.

For instance, kids who are feeling powerless and frustrated about it will often make up games than involve enslaving their brothers, sisters, parents, or other adults.  It’s how they work out their frustrations about being a kid and how they learn to understand what it’s like to be in charge.

I’ve found that by allowing children to lead the way during some specifically designated child led play-time, kids become better able to cooperate and connect for the rest of the day.

I’ve even had experiences where I wasn’t sure why a child was grumpy or defiant and when I allowed the child to lead the play, I soon discovered what was really bothering them.  Kids have an amazing ability to work out their emotional challenges through play, but they have to be allowed the time, space, and attention to do so effectively.

Have you ever walked by your child’s room and heard him in pretend play with his dinosaurs, “Now Danny, you have to eat your broccoli, green vegetables are good for your body.”  “But Daaaad, I don’t waaant to eat it, it’s yucky!”  “If you don’t eat your veggies you won’t grow up to be big and strong like me.”  “OK, I’ll eat them, but can I have some cheese on them?”  Or you may have noticed your daughter bossing around her dolls, “Get in your stroller right this minute young lady or I will have to take away your candy.”

Your challenge this week is to observe and play along with your child in activities or games that he or she has created.  See what you can notice about what kind of play your child is most drawn to and reflect on how that might be an indication of what she’s experiencing in every day life.   Is your child free, creative and lighthearted or angry and destructive?  Consider how you can support your child in working out emotional challenges through child-led play on a daily or weekly basis.

And if you have one, please share a story below about your own experiences of child-led play.  I would love to know what it’s been like for you!

Warmly, Shelly

We’ve all been there, it’s time to leave, your child wants to stay and continue to play, you’re tired and ready to go, a conflict is brewing.  How we handle these difficult moments can be the difference between a fantastic day and a really rough one.  And really, either one is available to us in a given moment, we just have to be able to access enough creativity to create the fun, laughter filled connection we’re wanting, rather than falling into a negativity trap.

I know, you’re thinking, but wait, when I’m tired and grumpy, the LAST thing I am is creative.  Well, that’s where I come in.  I can offer you some fun strategies to create more laughter and connection and all you have to do is remember to use them when the time comes.  Sound good?

So here we go, five ways to turn a potential power struggle into a fun, connecting experience for you and your kids.

1)    Turn it into a game- Any time you feel yourself wanting to exert your will, try turning it into a game instead.  Rather than threatening dire consequences, or complaining about how your kids don’t listen, figure out what kind of game you could all play that would get the job done and be fun for them.  Hopping like a bunny to get to the car, strapping on your rocket booster shoes, or finding the keys in a scavenger hunt are all more fun that a grumpy parent frowning and grumbling.  And who knows, if you practice this one enough, you might even fin YOURSELF having more fun and laughter as you move through your day with your kids.

2)    Go for the giggle- What do your kids find hilarious?  Is it peek-a-boo, funny hats, new accents, or physical humor like bumping into things or falling down?  It could be burps and farts or backwards clothing.  But whatever it is that sends your little ones into peels of laughter, do more of it!  Laugher is a wonderful way to connect and release pent up emotions.  Use it to your advantage whenever you feel a power struggle coming on.  After a good laugh, everyone’s more willing to cooperate.

3)    Let the youngest lead- Sometimes it’s exhausting to try to get everyone on the same page and heading in the right direction.  Try assigning that task to the youngest child in your household.  Help her by offering kind ways to ask for what she wants, and by inviting your older children to follow her lead.  Young children have such an incredible imagination, you may even learn a new way to get everyone into the car and on the road (or out of the kitchen while you’re trying to make dinner).  Some of the most fun moments I’ve had as a nanny were times when the youngest one was in charge of a follow the leader game and the rest of us were all down on hands and knees following him around the house.

4)    Physical play-  Jumping on the bed, piling pillows up for hide and seek, rolling, romping and other forms of physical play are a great way to create connection in moments of high tension.  Sometimes all you need is a 10-minute pillow fight to get those tensions out and have fun together. There are times when picking up your baby, or even your two or three year old and spinning him around is the ideal way to press the “reset” button on your interaction.  Of course with any type of physical play, and especially with spinning and tickling, you always want to check in with your child to make sure they’re actually enjoying themselves and having fun.  The idea here is to create connection, not to create laughter at any cost.  Physical play should be a trust BUILDING activity for you and your kids, but if you’re not tuning in to them, it can also damage trust.

5)    Forget yourself- Acting like you can’t remember things or are unable to understand things is a great way to create fun and laughter when you’re about to lose it.  Just try giving in to your desire to turn off your brain, but let your kids revel in the joy of being smarter, having a better memory, and generally being more mentally acute than you are right now.  You’ll be amazed at how willing they’ll be to help YOU into the car, rather than the other way around.

I would love to know if any of these strategies have worked for you.  Please share your experience in the comment box below.

And have a wonderful week!  Warmly, Shelly

If you’re noticing that your kids are having a difficult time cooperating or listening or generally following your lead, first let me remind you, you’re not alone.  Lots of parents go through this difficulty every day.  I know it can be super frustrating when you’re just trying to get things done, or get to the store, or follow the rules, and your child is fighting you every step of the way.

One way to encourage cooperation from kids is to designate some time each week (or day) where they get to be in charge.  Somehow by allowing kids to take the lead for even 10 minutes a day, you’ll find that they’re much more willing to allow you to take the lead for the rest of the time.  There are several ways you can do this.

First, let your child know that for the next 10 minutes, they get to be in charge, they’re the boss, the parent, or the king or queen of your home.  Tell them that as long as the activities they choose are safe, you’ll follow their lead.

You can try playing follow the leader and allow the youngest child in your household to be the leader.  Follow along as if you’re completely entranced by the activities your child is doing and encourage any other siblings to play too.  You’ll be amazed at what a difference it can make in the life of a young child when they get this time to be in charge, tell people what to do, and watch them do the silly things they’ve thought up.

If you think about it, young people get so little of this kind of play time, they’re starving for some king or queen time.  Kids are constantly told where to be, what to wear, how to act, and to “hurry up”.  Imagine how good it feels to them when they get to be the ones in charge, bossing us around for a change.  They love it!

For more games you can play that your kids will love and that will encourage their sense of power and control over their lives see my blog “Go for the giggle”.

Now you may wonder why giving kids a sense of power and control helps them follow your lead during the rest of the day.  My theory is that kids naturally want to cooperate with adults, but after denying their needs for power for days and weeks in a row, they simply explode and are unable to continue to cooperate.  When this need gets met, even for a short time each day or a few times a week, kids easily fall back into their natural role as helpers and apprentices.

Another benefit to taking time each day to reverse roles with your child is that you get to model the kind of easy cooperation you’re wanting from them.  When they’re greeted with “Good evening Sire, may I take your shoes?  Is there anything I can get you?” they begin to understand what kind cooperation, generous service, and easy collaboration look like.  So during the rest of the day, you’re much more likely to hear the very phrases you’ve used during your special play time.

Imagine hearing, “Mommy, may I take your shoes?  Is there anything I can get you?”  Ahhh, sounds like heaven.  So, during the times when you offer your child the opportunity to be in charge and to be the more powerful one, really play it up, let them know that you honor and respect them.  Be as helpful and kind as you can be with them and watch their own generosity blossom.

I’d love to hear how this goes in your family.  Please leave me a comment below.

Have a fantastic week, Shelly

The “find it” game is a fun game for times when you don’t have a lot of attention to give but you want to help stimulate your child’s mind and have fun together even while you’re busy at other tasks.

This game can be modified for ages 1-7.  For the youngest kids you can ask your child to find something familiar like his favorite stuffed animal or blanket.  Then, you can ask your child to put it in an unusual place (like in the dry bathtub) and then go find it again.  The ability to remember where something is and go retrieve it even when it’s out of sight is a useful skill for young children as it requires memory and visualization.

As your child grows older and needs a more complex “find it” game, you can ask her to find a blue crayon, a red triangle, or a specific item from a specific drawer.

So let’s say you’re busy cooking and your child seems bored.  You can offer, “Hey, do you want to play the ‘find it’ game?”  You’ll usually hear an enthusiastic yes from your child.  “Great!  Can you go into the bathroom and look in the far right drawer and find me a brown hair tie?”  When they’ve brought it, “Thanks!  Now let’s see, can you find your baby brother’s favorite book?  The one about the white mitten?”

Another tack is to ask something like, “Can you find something on the living room floor that doesn’t belong there?” and when they bring it, “I wonder where that belongs…”

If you have letter or number magnets on the refrigerator, “Do you see a blue letter R?” and if you don’t, “Can you find a butterfly magnet?”

When your kids are even older, “Can you find the ¾” wrench? I think it’s in the tool box in the garage” or “Can you help me find the oregano?” or even, “Can you find a toy mammal with hooves?”

When kids play the “find it” game, they feel joyful because they’re able to contribute in some way.  They also often feel proud because they were able to find the specific object you’ve asked for or because they figured out a puzzle (in the case of “find an orange circle” or a similar task).

I would love to hear about the find it games at your house.  Is this something you already play with your child or is it a new idea for you?  Please share your thoughts below.

Have a fantastic day, Shelly

Have you been lamenting your lack of exercise? Thinking back on the days when you used to get to go to the gym, or run around your neighborhood or swim laps at the pool? Kid time is sometimes almost all our time—and the kind of “running around” we do with them doesn’t always feed our body’s need for vigorous (or gentle) and sustained exercise.

Here are some of the ways I’ve found to bring exercise back in, with activities that you and your kids both enjoy, and that give you the added benefit of that exercise you’ve been craving to round out your life, keep you physically fit, and elevate your mood. You can adapt these suggestions to your mobility level.

1. Go for a long walk outdoors. People who walk in nature report that they feel happier after a walk in the woods than they did when they started. Find a trail where you can both walk, or where you can walk and push a stroller, or where your child can run, or scoot on a scooter (a great way for them to develop coordination). A brisk walk can revitalize your and your child’s circulatory system, and a controlled dose of sunshine will do you both some good. If it’s cold, bundle up. If it’s raining, throw on ponchos.  

2. Play chase. Pretend you can’t catch your child, so they can feel powerful. Then run away from them and let them “catch” you. Before you do, you might be able to run several laps around them. Depending on how long their energy lasts, you might be able to get in a good aerobic workout.

3. Go for an actual dedicated run with your child around a local track.  If you have an infant or very young child, you might be able to run pushing a stroller.  Or, if your older child runs slower, you can run circles around them, and make a game out of it. In this case, your goal will be to keep up your own pace. You can talk with them beforehand about your goals, for example, “I want to run for twenty minutes. You can run with me, let me run around you, follow on your scooter, or stay on the side where I can see you and play with your toys and books.” Did I mention it helps to bring toys and books almost anywhere?

4. “Fly” your child. If you lie on your back, you can “fly” your child on the bottoms of your feet, on your hands, or both. With your back supported on the ground, or on a mat, you can work on your core abdominal strength as you delight your child. If you feel comfortable, you can experiment with many variations on this “flight.” My son likes to put his feet in my hands and his hands on my feet and support himself. He also likes to sit on my feet and be lifted into the air.

5. Go to a local dance jam and play. Many cities host open free-form dance spaces that are kid-friendly. Check with your local dance studios, and ask around until you find free-form dance enthusiasts. If none exist, you might be able to persuade one of the local dance studios to start one, or host your own. Basically, all you need is a large open space (some churches or synagogues might have rooms you could use), and some upbeat music. It also helps to have props like physio balls, scarves, hula hoops, costumes, stuff to crawl into and on, or anything your imagination dictates. Grownups and kids then get to play, jump, fly, roll around, or whatever moves them. And you get to have some exercise!

6. Get into some water. Even if you can’t leave your child long enough to swim some laps, you can “run” in the water while you play with your child. The resistance of the water provides a great workout.  Kids love to play “shark” too, another chasing game, this time in the water! If you have another adult along, you can take turns watching the kids and swimming laps.

7. Check out your local Y. The large ones provide subsidized child care, and often have a play space. You can do a workout, then play with your child in the play space. Or vice versa.

8. Exercise here and there. If you are standing in a line wearing your baby, do some toe raises and knee bends. When you lean down to pick up something off the florr, bend from your knees with a straight back to use your gluteus maximus (AKA your butt muscles) instead of straining your lower back. Do some stretches at the park. If you feel self-conscious, just remember, you might be inspiring other parents! It might seem like a small measure, but if you multiply several minutes of these over many weeks, your body will thank you in the form of greater strength, flexibility and endurance. 

9. Use the playground equipment along with your child. Many play structures contain opportunities for chin-ups, inversions, stair ascension, and more. Try to keep up with your child. You’ll delight and connect with her as you burn calories and strengthen your muscles!

Note: As with any new physical undertaking, consult your doctor before beginning these types of exercises to make sure they’re compatible with your constitution. 

We’d love to hear how it’s going—please tell us in the space below how you manage (or not) to integrate exercise with parenting, or include it alongside.

In upcoming blogs, we’ll talk about getting to have parties, gardening, keeping old friendships alive, and creating and nurturing the village it takes to raise your child, all so you can have most whole life possible.

You can see the concentration!

Create new exciting activities your kids will love and read a novel for a change!

Remember how you used to love to read for pleasure?  You’d spend hours in a well-lit room with a book and at the end of it, you didn’t know a new recipe, have another way to spice things up in the bedroom, or learn how to install blinds.  Instead, you had memories of far away landscapes and intimate relationships with imaginary characters

Ahh, the joy of fiction.

But now, you have kids.  You don’t have time to read for pleasure– right?  WRONG!!!  In fact, it’s more important than EVER that you do WHATEVER brings you joy and pleasure.

You are your child’s most important influence and, along with any other caregivers, the people she’s most likely to emulate.  Don’t you want your child to ENJOY life?!

Of course you do, so please, take extra time today and every day to take good care of yourself and enjoy your own process of living and growing.

Your homework for this week:  Take good of yourself, give yourself things you enjoy, and become your kids’ example of how to enjoy your life.

For extra credit, practice taking care of yourself FIRST and inviting your spouse (or other adults) and child to be patient and wait for your help.  I know, crazy, huh?

So, how are you going to go about eking out the, quiet alone time you crave the most?  Here’s the secret: Create activities for your kids ahead of time!

Wait a minute, you’re thinking, didn’t you JUST say I should be taking care of myself first?

Well, yes, yes I did.

But please let me share what I’ve learned from being responsible for 12–24 three, four and five year olds for 40 hours a week (of awake time, mind you) over three school years and from being a nanny for several years.

When the room and activities are well prepared, well organized, and easy to access, kids are more self-sufficient and focused– and I get more time to take care of what’s on my plate, or just take a break and make myself some tea.

So, when I can think ahead about what kids might need to keep themselves busy learning for half an hour or more, I get whole chunks of time when everybody in the  classroom or house is quietly learning, playing, taking care of the environment, or producing new work.

This all really meets my needs for peace, learning, and freedom to do my own thing.

You might be wondering, what could possibly keep my little one engaged for half an hour of independent play?  Well, here’s a list of some engaging activities you might offer based on ages. These activities will benefit your child just as much at home as they would in a classroom setting, as long as you provide the kind of quiet, calm environment that’s most conducive to learning.

One year old —Large Motor Activity:  Putting the ball down the chute—First find a large cardboard tube.  You can use a wrapping paper tube, but bigger would be better.  Prop the tube up so that one end is about eye level on your child.  Leave the other end in an open area.  Find several balls that fit easily through the tube.  Show your one year old how to put the ball in one end and watch it come out the other end.  They’ll be delighted and want to repeat the experience again and again.  Now’s your chance to get back to that novel.

Two year old—Small Motor Activity: Putting things in and taking things out– you can use a box, a bag, or anything with a hole.  Kids this age are fascinated with putting things into other things and taking things out of hidden locations.

Three year old—Practical Life Activity: Pouring– three year olds are often determined to do the things adults can do.  Pouring is an especially challenging and fun activity.  Start with something easy, like beans that are easy to pick up.  Watch to be sure no one’s eating beans.  When your child can consistently pour without spilling, graduate to rice, and finally to thick and then thin liquids.  Coloring the liquid can re–invigorate interest well into age 4 or 5.

Four year old—Sorting Activity: Determining differences and similarities is the basis for all science.  Give your little one a head start by encouraging sorting activities.  Try to find items with distinct differences in either shape or color, and graduate to more subtle differences.  Provide a bowl for each group of items (if color sorting, finding a bowl the same color seems to help).  Sorting a bag of mixed beans by type of bean can take an hour– and it’s ever so satisfying!

Five year old —Scavenger Hunt Activity:  Following a list of instructions is wonderful skill to begin to develop with five year olds.  Make a list of clues or instructions.  For pre-readers use picture clues and/or read them aloud.  See how well you can hone in on your child’s abilities and help them if they get frustrated or lost.  At the end, be sure that the last clue leads your child to something she really enjoys- otherwise scavenger hunts are no fun.

Six year old—Hospitality Activity:  Making a tray with drinks or snacks or both for a guest or family. This one does require supervision especially for the first few times.  But after a while, when their skills and your confidence reach a certain level, children delight in doing these preparations themselves. I have even seen children in this age group be able to make and serve tea with hot water!  Provide a pitcher, cups, beverage, small bowls, and several snack choices.  Invite your child to ask you or guest their preferences.  Pour liquids on a low surface like a chair for ease.  Place items on a tray and serve.  Provide a towel for spills. 

Seven year old—Geography Activity: Laminate a U.S .or world map, and get some stickers.  Create a list of the locations of recent vacations, relatives, locations from stories, or major cities—ask your child to place a sticker at each location.

There is no substitute for your time and attention. And—your child also can benefit from learning to play independently. Plus, you need a break. With the activities above, you can meet all those needs.

I’d love to hear how these, or your own ideas work. Please share your thoughts in the box below.

Thanks for being here!  Hugs, Shelly

After I learned to Go for the Giggle, I had an experience with a child in which I could see two distinct choices before me of how to handle a potential power struggle.

It was another afternoon with Kyle, six, and Neil, two. I was sitting in the playroom folding the family laundry.

Just as I had almost finished, and was stacking some of the folded laundry into the basket, Kyle ran over and knocked the basket over, spilling the newly folded laundry on to the floor.

I felt a flash of anger and tensely asked him to pick it up. He refused and ran out of the room with a grin. I continued to fold the last of the laundry but left the basked toppled and waited for him to return.

I considered my options… “This could easily escalate and become a huge power struggle,” I thought, envisioning that scenario unfolding (pun intended).

I knew I didn’t want to pick up the laundry myself, but I also couldn’t force him to do it.

Suddenly, Kyle entered the room wearing his dress-up armor, carrying a sword and a shield.

He pointed the sword at me.

I asked again if he would pick up the basket. He said, “I didn’t knock over the basket.”

We all knew he was lying–we’d seen him knock the laundry over.

But I had an idea. I decided to play along with his game and see if I could spin this so that he’d actually WANT to pick up the basket.

“Oh Great Knight!” I exclaimed, “I’m so glad you’ve come! A laundry monster has knocked over my basket of laundry! Please, Great Knight, will you help me?!”

Kyle flashed me a smile and ran over to the basket.

After he picked everything up he pointed the sword at me again.

I glanced over and pointed at a stuffed dragon on the floor nearby “There it is Great Knight! The Laundry Monster! Slay it!” Kyle quickly directed his sword at the stuffed dragon–and away from me.

I felt triumphant. Not only had I averted a potential power struggle, we had actually remained connected, and had fun together in the midst of a potential disaster.

I got my laundry fixed, and he got to play and save face. In fact, as soon as I was able to take his lead and really play with him, he was able to cooperate.

In this instance, not only was I able to remain grounded in my own needs for safety and peace, but also I was able to make a clear request, to which Kyle could agree without feeling overpowered, forced, or coerced.

So, the next time it seems like he’s just out to get you, see what you can do to turn the tables to avoid the power struggle.

I feel so grateful that this time, I chose the path of ease, fun, and connection. I hope by sharing this story, I can offer you more options for avoiding a power struggle and staying connected with your child.

Thanks for being here!
Warmest hugs, Shelly Birger

P.S. What did you think about this topic ? Have you ever had similar experiences? We welcome your comments in the box below.

Wanna have more fun with your kids AND keep your heart healthy?

Then try Going for the Giggle!

We’ve all heard the old adage “Laughter is the best medicine.”

Well… guess what?

It’s really true!

Recent heart and blood vessel research shows that laughter may actually help prevent heart disease!  By laughing more with your family, you’ll have more fun and connection while supporting healthy hearts all around.

Here at Awake Parent, we’re big fans of letting kids release their feelings- but that doesn’t mean you’re stuck listening to screaming, crying kids all the time!

Kids can release their feelings through laughter too.  (And it’s usually a LOT more fun for everyone)

There are bunches of ways to bring more humor into our everyday lives.

Here are a few of my favorites:

1) Try something spontaneous or silly.

If it brings a smile to their little faces, keep it up!

You might be surprised at what is funny to your kids.

For young children and babies, something as simple as putting a stuffed animal on your head and pretending you don’t know it’s there can produce peals of laughter — especially if you also do a funny face or goofy voice.

For older kids, fart noises are a sure win. (heehee)

Remember keep on being silly until they stop laughing!  If you’re not all lying on the floor in a cuddle puddle, you’re not done yet.

2) Play the fool.

This brings SO much joy to young people…

Anytime you can’t remember something simple –or you’re acting extra clumsy — you have an opportunity to make them laugh.

Not only do they get to laugh at you, they also get to feel smarter and more powerful than you, (Which is a fun change from the norm.)

Try asking your three year old where things are in your home –or forgetting what sounds certain animals make — and you’ll have hours of playful fun.

3) Play the Feather Touch Game.

Like  playing the fool, the Feather Touch game lets your child be strong while you be the (much) weaker one.

Just pretend you’re going about your business, but when your child gently touches you…

Suddenly fall down!

Then pretend you’re not sure what happened, “Whoa, that must have been a strong wind!  One minute I was standing up, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground!”

4) Allow Your Child to be in charge of all tickling.

In case you’re wondering… tickling is only fun when the person being tickled is in charge.

When I was young and playing with my Mom, I LOVED to be tickled, but only because I trusted that my mom would stop, when I said stop.

Being tickled against my will might have seemed like it was fun to an outsider–I was laughing after all…

But inside I felt hurt and angry because I didn’t have any power over my experience.

Tickling can also be scary, even terrifying for kids.

So, yes, tickle your kids if they like it, and ask for it, and make sure they know that you’ll stop when they say so. It’s another fun way to release feelings safely.

Thanks for reading! 
Love, Shelly

Next Week:  Sometimes nobody’s in the mood to giggle, so next week I’ll share six steps to connect with your child.  Learn why sometimes guessing is even better than knowing.

P.S. What did you think about “Going for the Giggle”?  Do these ideas seem like they’ll work in your family?  Are you ready to try them?  Or do you have questions or thoughts?

As always, we welcome your comments, please leave them in the comment box below…