Author: Shelly

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My Screen-Free Airplane Adventure (with my 21 month old Daughter)

I took my very first solo airplane ride with my daughter last week and at first I was not sure how it would go. As I began to pack, I realized that I was really nervous about being stuck on an airplane alone with a toddler and for a couple of days I considered nixing my previous commitment to screen free living for my little one. I thought it might be easier to manage the trip if I brought along my husband’s iPad and chocked it full of children’s books and fun drawing apps.

But after some consideration, I decided that I just didn’t feel good about introducing my daughter to the iPad because I was scared she wouldn’t be able to entertain herself on the airplane. Instead, I came up with a solid plan to entertain and engage her with books, rhymes, toys, finger puppets, a small doll, crayons, and stickers. And it worked!

The photo at the top is only part of my airplane kit, but as you can see it contains some small animals (my daughter LOVES her toy animals), some finger puppets (yes I did use funny voices), a pad of paper, and some stickers all in a beautiful box. I took her interests into consideration when I created the kit. So if you were to do something similar, you might include toy cars, tractors, or dinosaurs. Or you’d add books about insects, birds, a small music box or whatever else interests your child. I included a list of our favorite rhymes, songs, and the story books that I have memorized due to sheer repetition. That list definitely came in handy.

We also packed a very first chapter book, “Charlotte’s Web” because I thought J was ready to listen and talk about the characters. And I had a book of Shel Silverstein’s poetry, a current favorite bedtime book. I took a couple of board books with lots of animal photographs and vocabulary to learn as well.

Essentially, I figured out what would engage us BOTH in long hours of conversation and exploration and I packed it all into our carry-on. The highlight of the trip for me was when I set her up with her toy animals and a couple of board books, strapped her into the unoccupied seat next to me, and then sat back and actually took a nap! She entertained herself for about thirty minutes, always keeping one hand on my arm to check in, and then she fell asleep too. I was shocked.

We used different items and various strategies to ensure that the entire trip was enjoyable. And if you’re thinking that this only works on a short flight, let me tell you, we missed our first connection due to weather conditions and ended up on a five airport, 20 hour long, overnight airplane adventure. She didn’t shed a tear the entire time.

I certainly can’t take all the credit for our success. I will be the first to admit that my daughter is exceptionally amiable and easy going, but I do think that we avoided a lot of potential upset when we came utterly prepared to entertain ourselves for hours and hours. Oh, and I also brought a BUNCH of yummy snacks.

So if you’re dreading air travel with a little one, let me reassure you, you CAN have a nice easy flight (or four) by engaging your child in his interests and providing opportunities for exploration and play.  One more highlight: on the flight home she was playing with her tiny baby doll while I was gazing out the window and I heard her pretending that her doll was at the park going down the slide and riding on the swings. I love her imagination!

Have you had a successful flight with a young person? What were the keys to your easy and fun air travel? Please share your story with us in the comments below.

And have a lovely week, Shelly

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Three Simple Activities Young Children Absolutely Love

Creating complex activities to entertain and educate your child can be time consuming, expensive, and disappointing, especially when they don’t like what you’ve created. But there are a few activities that I’ve used with children over the years that are always a big hit, cost very little, take almost no preparation, and consume young children in hours of play and exploration.

Too good to be true? No way! We’re talking about the magic of water play here, and when it comes to activities like these, simpler really is better. So here are my top three activities with zero prep time, minimal or no clean up, and an enormous capacity to engage the creative mind of a child.

#1 Bathroom sink water play

Just stop up the sink, put a stool under it, turn on the water to a very light trickle, throw in a bath toy and a cup, make sure there’s a towel nearby, and you’re done! Sure your child might soak themselves, so you might want to give them a smock, but playing in water is SO MUCH FUN for young children, you are sure to get at least 10 minutes, if not 30 from this activity. I especially like this one because it doesn’t matter what the weather is like, and children can ask for it or set it up themselves as they get a little bit older.

#2 A home made water table aka a plastic bin, some water and a few rocks

With minimal supervision, a plastic bin filled with an inch of water and a handful of rocks can entertain a young person for an hour, easy. The picture at the top of this post is ours. Who needs an expensive water table when an $8 plastic bin does the trick?! My 20 month old daughter played for about 40 minutes walking back and forth and adding one rock at a time, playing for a while in the water, and then going back to the bucket (on the other side of the yard) for another rock. Do keep in mind that young children can drown in about an inch of water if they fall into it head first, so you want to be sure you’re using a bin with shallow sides, and you do need to be nearby.

#3 Painting with water

Even after all these years of working with kids, I am still shocked at how popular this activity really is. With just a cup filled half way with water and a paintbrush, children can spend quite a bit of uninterrupted independent play-time painting the patio or sidewalk. This activity is so great because it requires absolutely NO clean up. Their “paintings” simply dry over time, creating a clean slate for the next creation! Children enjoy writing their letters and numbers, drawing elaborate pictures, playing tic tac toe, making shapes, and even creating water drawn obstacle courses. And somehow, even though they love doing the painting, young people are rarely upset by the temporary nature of their water paintings. In fact, in all the years I’ve used this activity, I’ve never seen a child cry over a dried up water painting.

I’m curious, do you already use these activities or are they new to you? Does this spark any new ideas about how you can engage your child in independent play? I would love to know YOUR ideas for similar activities. Please leave me a comment!

And have a wonderful week, Shelly

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Three Keys to Transforming Whining

Photo by Suzette Hibble www.thebayareaphotographer.com

Oh boy, my daughter was sick with a week-long stomach flu, and as a result, whining has emerged. Here we go on the whining toddler ride! I find whining to be one of the most annoying and challenging things young children do to express their needs. Tantrums are easier for me than whining. That’s probably because I’ve done so much whining myself! In fact, if I’m really honest, I STILL whine when I’m exceptionally tired, sick, or otherwise infirmed.

Despite my own whining, I do know how to help a child stop whining! There are three keys to transforming whining. The first is changing the way we perceive the whiner. When we have thoughts like, “She is just doing this to manipulate me,” or “He ALWAYS does this in front of my friends, he must be trying to embarrass me,” we behave toward our children as if our thoughts are true.

The trick is to transform our thoughts to create a situation in which we have space and empathy for the smaller people in our lives, rather than resentment toward them. When we blame children for our own uncomfortable feelings, no one wins. However, when we can learn to identify the internal root causes of our own feelings, we no longer need to pin the blame on a whining child. Instead we can realize, “I’m feeling exhausted right now and THAT is why I’m so annoyed. My child is only trying to meet her needs and she’s doing her best to communicate with me.”

The second key is to offer your child some heartfelt empathy. Empathy is like your parenting super-power! You’ll be shocked at how a little bit of true empathy can completely change the situation and the behavior and affect of your child.

Sometimes all it takes is a simple statement like, “Huh, it seems like you’re feeling sad right now, is that true?” At other times it might just be eye contact and a hug. And at still other times you might speak for your child about his emotions, “You’re feeling really mad about that! Grrrr! That is NOT okay with you, is it?” It can even be something as simple as joining your child in her tirade of “No, no, no, no, no, no!” The real key here is to FEEL empathy for your child. If you’re just using empathy as a way to get a child to stop whining, they will sense that and it won’t work.

The third key is to model the tone of voice and wording that we’d most like to hear from our kids. “Wow sweetie, I can tell you’re really upset and frustrated right now, but when you talk in a whiney voice, it bothers me and then I don’t want to help you. So let’s figure out a way you can ask that I WILL want to help. How about, ‘Mommy, may I please have a snack?’ and then I’ll say, ‘Sure!’ Want to try it right now?”

By sharing my own feelings and working with her to help her successfully argue her point, she knows that I’m on her side and I really do want to help. And, by inviting her to try a new strategy right then, I’m offering her an opportunity to be successful. However, watch out for a desire to push a child to share or try something they’re not interested in. If my daughter says no, I simply speak both sides of the conversation for her and then give her the snack she was whining for. It isn’t important to me that she actually repeat what I’ve said…yet. When she’s closer to five years old, I will definitely require that she ask in a more palatable tone of voice. But for now (she’s not even two years old yet) I’m just laying the foundation and showing her what works for me.

Depending on how you’ve communicated with your child about whining in the past, you may have some clean-up to do or some repetition to make your way through before your child will be willing to try “the new way.”

I use modeling for all sorts of things with my daughter, but as a preschool teacher I found it so effective at transforming whining that it’s my #1 favorite strategy for turning a whine into a respectful request.

How do you deal with whining at your house? I would love to add your strategies to my arsenal! Please share a story or strategy in the comments below. Thanks!

And have a wonderful week, Shelly

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Your Work/My Work

In the Montessori classrooms I’ve worked in, there are usually twenty-four children between three and six years old and just two adults. Each child has free choice of hundreds of possible activities in the classroom, and in order to maintain peace and order, we HAVE to create some rules and boundaries.

One of the rules is that we respect one another’s work. We don’t touch each other’s work, we don’t walk on someone else’s work rug, and we don’t clean up after each other. Each person is responsible for getting out, completing, and putting away their own work.

Several months ago I taught a class to parents of Montessori students and when I described the reverence and care we have for our work, a mother perked up. “Oh!” she said, “So THAT’S why my son gets so upset when I clean up his toys, he’s always complaining that I’m not respecting his work, but I didn’t understand why until now!”

I believe strongly in Montessori philosophies and use many of them as guidelines in my home with my daughter and now that she’s approaching two years old I’m beginning to understand what a huge difference this has made in the peace and order of our home.

First, I do my best to respect her work and often ask her to clean up after herself, before offering any help. So when she leaves something out, she can reasonably expect it to be there when she gets back. This provides stability in her mind and encourages her sense of order. She knows where she can find her things and she knows that there is no magical clean up fairy.

As an aside, I actually did think that something like a clean-up fairy existed when I was a young child. I had no concept of my preschool teachers staying after school to clean up, or of my mom and dad picking up after I was in bed. I just thought things magically reappeared in their original locations!

Of course, I’m happy to help my daughter clean up if she needs support, but I don’t make a habit of going around behind her and cleaning up after her.  As a result, I overheard her with her books yesterday. She was looking at the pages and talking about the content of the book and when she got to the end of the book she said, “Back” and put the book back on the shelf!

But here’s the real kicker. I also ask her to respect MY work. That means that she understands that my work is important and I’m committed to its completion. So when my daughter asks me to play with her I will often respond with, “Sure! I would love to play farm with you, but I’d like to finish my dishes work first, so you can go get started without me, or you can watch me finish my work, and then I’ll join you!”

One of the things I love about this is that she’s learning that life is filled with “work” that people enjoy and want to complete before moving on to new tasks. This promotes the concept of follow through while it also helps her to delay gratification while she waits for me to join her in her chosen activity.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that my daughter understands that her wellbeing is my top priority. And, I also want her to know that my own wellbeing is hugely important to me as well. The order of my environment helps me to feel peaceful and relaxed so that when I do sit down to play with her I can completely focus on her, rather than constantly thinking about my enormous to do list and only giving her my partial attention.

I’m sure I’ll write another post about organization and it’s psychological impact on us, but for now I’ll just say, it’s OK to let your child know that you have work to do when you’re at home. If we model respect for their work, they’re bound to learn to respect ours too. And when we honor and respect one another’s work, peace and love have plenty of room to thrive.

So, how do you balance playtime with work time at your house? I would love to learn some of your secrets to success in this area! Please share a comment below.

And have a fantastic week, Shelly

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