Author: Shelly

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Appreciating our bodies

Years ago a friend told me about a daily practice of self-love she had.  During her shower in the morning she would honor, thank, and appreciate each body part as she washed it.

My friend would touch the body part, clean it with care and think to herself, “Thank you hands, for everything you help me hold and manipulate.  Arms, I appreciate you for all the things you’ll help me carry today and all the things you helped me carry yesterday.  Ears, you are so incredibly useful and enjoyable.  Thank you for allowing me to hear music.  Feet!  You help me balance so beautifully…”  Sometimes she would give extra special care to a body part that was hurting or ailing her in some way.

When I first heard my friend talk about this practice I thought it sounded like way too much work first thing in the morning, but over the years I find myself doing this very thing more and more.  And the more I acknowledge my various body parts the more I enjoy and appreciate them.

I recently got a Tom Chapin CD from the library and my daughter and I listen to it throughout the day.  One song is called “My face” and the lyrics are all about why he likes the various parts of his face.   He likes his eyes, they’re like his spies, etc.  When we listen to the song, I notice the contrast of all the times during my childhood, adolescence and adulthood that I have failed to appreciate my body.

What frightens me is the thought that my own daughter could (and likely will) experience some of the same disdain for her wonderful body that I did as a young person.  Our culture seems to value only one body type for women and if girls only see supermodels in magazines and compare themselves to the one percent of women who are tall, thin, and busty, they are sure to find fault in their own bodies.  And it’s not just girls who are at risk for low self-esteem due to poor body image.  Boys also see the ultra muscular guys in catalogs and think that they can’t possibly measure up.

Luckily for us, by honoring, appreciating, and celebrating our bodies we can subvert the pop culture idea of beauty and teach our children about real and lasting beauty.  Continue reading “Appreciating our bodies”

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The trouble with texting

Last night as I was mindlessly flipping through television channels trying to find something interesting I happened upon a show in which young children were being interviewed by a journalist while their parents watched from a room nearby.  The kids were between the ages of three years old and six years old and the journalist was asking them about cell phones and texting.

“Do your parents ever text?” she asked.  The children nodded wildly and raised their hands to speak.  One little boy talked about how his mom was “always texting, texting, texting.”  Another child shared how she hates it when her mom takes phone calls instead of playing with her.  One child shouted, “I wish phones were never invented!” And another little girl talked about how she sometimes plays with six or seven toys at once because she likes to “multi-task” just like her Daddy.  Whoa.

The parents in the next room were a little bit shocked at how strongly the kids felt and ultimately shared that they felt embarrassed that they had prioritized their phones above their children in many instances.  One of the parents was perplexed though, because apparently her job requires that she be available and on call.  She wondered how she could be on call and still let her child know that he’s important to her.

I don’t have any answers for that particular parent, but the show got me thinking.  How much do we really NEED to be at the beck and call of our electronic devices, and how much have we unconsciously fallen into the trap of our shiny, fun toys?  And, considering that our children learn by imitating us, how much do we want our kids staring at screens and pushing buttons to communicate with friends, co-workers, and family members that are hundreds or thousands of miles away? Continue reading “The trouble with texting”

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What we can learn from Chinese mothers

Have you heard about the new book out that purports that Chinese mothers are better than western mothers?  I haven’t read the book, but I did read an article about it and I was horrified to say the least.  In the article I read there was a story of the author berating, cajoling, threatening, and punishing her child in order to get her to learn a piano piece.  The child did in fact master the piece, so the author says that her parenting was effective.  I disagree.  I think it’s wonderful that her child overcame a challenge and learned a difficult piano piece, but I disagree with HOW the mother went about the lesson.  I don’t think it’s ever OK to mock your child or call him names, even if your intent is to motivate.

But there was something in the article that I did agree with. The author said that overcoming a challenge provides a boost in confidence for young people.  I agree entirely.  She also wrote about the fact that Chinese mothers are willing to spend hours and hours tutoring, drilling, and helping their children with challenging lessons.  And I began to wonder, are we western mothers willing to do the same?  Would I sit down with my daughter for as long as it took her to learn her multiplication tables?  To be perfectly honest, I had to answer “maybe.”

As I considered the subject further I realized that I do know lots of parents who I think rely too heavily on computers and television to teach their children.   What if we were to take our American ingenuity and work ethic and apply it to the job of teaching our kids?

Your challenge this week is to get down in the trenches with your child and really support him in the skill or ability he’s most struggling with.  Continue reading “What we can learn from Chinese mothers”

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How to foster an emerging sense of order

Between 2 and 4 years old most young people begin to develop their sense of order.  This is the time when your child will become exasperated if you say the wrong word during story time or if you move her artwork or put away his toy before he was finished playing with it.  It can be a difficult time for parents and caregivers alike, because in the past your little one didn’t even notice when you put away his toys.  Now everything starts to become a negotiation because along with a sense of order, a stronger will and resulting tantrums also mark this stage of development.

This sensitive period for order can be challenging, but there’s no fighting against human development, and if you think about it, you wouldn’t want to anyway.  This is actually the perfect time to teach your child how to put away toys, straighten her room, and help out in the kitchen.  But in order to capitalize on your child’s innate desire to learn and this sensitive period for order heed this advice:  Attention to detail is the key to getting the most cooperation from your child during this time.

Let me illustrate further; Paying attention to minute details and showing your child all the tiny steps involved in tidying, cleaning, and putting things away create more interest and better results.  For instance, if you would like to teach your three year old to fold and put away his socks follow these steps slowly, carefully, and methodically (and wait until you have your child’s attention before moving on to the next step):

1)     Take newly dried clothes out of the dryer while they’re still warm

2)    Put them in a pile on the bed and invite your child to feel the warmth and play in the pile a little bit.

3)    Ask your child if he would like to play a sock folding game.  If yes, continue, if no, try another time.

4)   Ask your child to help you find two matching socks. Continue reading “How to foster an emerging sense of order”

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Loving our kids no matter what gets thrown at us

This morning as I hugged my baby to me, she squeezed me and I reveled in the moment of closeness and connection, until I realized she had wiped her booger on my shirt.  I’m not sure there’s much in life that’s more humbling than realizing that to my child, one of my roles is to be her human tissue and wastebasket.

At first I felt offended and wondered if snot removal was all she thought I was good for.  And then I settled in to a deeper realization that motherhood is millions of acts of service, some enormous (like giving birth) and some small (like taking a slobbery apple core) but essentially, I will give of myself to the best of my ability for as long as my child needs me.  I also realized that I should enjoy this time when my child is small and needs me so much, because I know that one of the most challenging acts of service lies ahead–letting go.

So for now, I’ll try to enjoy being a human tissue and later I’ll do my best to be a wastebasket with a smile so that eventually when my child no longer needs me as fiercely, I’ll be able to let go with the fond memories of a time when she couldn’t even sit up or tie her shoes.

As I thought about it more I realized that I could be my child’s wastebasket in more than one way.  Sure, like every mother, I will have a plastic baggie full of garbage in my purse at all times.  But I can also be a receptacle for her emotional boogers and garbage too. Continue reading “Loving our kids no matter what gets thrown at us”

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