Author: Shelly

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Holiday family time

Ahh, the joys of the holidays, we get to travel far distances and celebrate with people we may or may not like very much, all in the name of family togetherness.  Luckily for me, I adore pretty much everyone in my family, but I know that’s not the case for everyone.  And even though I love my family, the stresses of traveling with a baby are not something I’m looking forward to.

I’ve heard from my clients that the holidays are often more stressful than fun and tend to disrupt children’s routines and rhythms, making it difficult to get back into the groove once they return home.  I’m not sure what there is to do about that except to try your best to stick to the routine as much as possible even when you’re in a different time zone.

I do, however, have some great tips for how to handle potential conflicts that may arise after everyone has a few drinks under their belts, and how to deal with the “suggestions” you’ll inevitably encounter as your family members observe your parenting style.

For starters, get clear about why you’re doing the things you’re doing BEFORE aunt Margie tells you about how when she was raising her kids she swatted them with switches and they never “back talked” again.  Here are some ways to maintain your own parenting style and share it with your family compassionately. Continue reading “Holiday family time”

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The importance of observation

When it comes to babies, at my core, I am a scientist.  The process children go through as they transform from a fetus into a walking talking human child in just the first 2 years of life fascinates me.  It’s absolutely incredible really.  As a scientist, I want to understand all I can about this amazing process.  And if there’s one thing I’ve learned that is the same in both my scientific and my Montessori backgrounds, it’s that observation is the key to understanding child development.

My daughter has Erb’s palsy brought on by her shoulder dystocia during birth.  At first I didn’t notice anything wrong, and since most babies heal on their own without any intervention, I just assumed she would too.   She did seem to prefer to use her right arm and hand, but I didn’t know that wasn’t normal.

We have a wonderful pediatric physical therapist who is teaching me all about arm, shoulder and hand development in infants.  She’s taught me that at three months old, Julia shouldn’t have a handedness or preference for one side over the other.  So, I started paying closer attention to the specific movements we’re looking for and truly comparing her arm and hand development on the left with the development of the right.  Much to my amazement there are differences that had gone unnoticed by me in the past.  Although she’s starting to use her left arm more and more, she does raise her right arm above her head more often than she does with her left.

So, what does this have to do with you and with parenting in general?  My point is that if we’re not paying close attention to the physical, emotional, and social development of our kids, things can slip through the cracks unnoticed.  We have to take the time to actually pay attention to where kids are developmentally in order to know that they’re on track and, more importantly, in order to know how to challenge and encourage them to develop further. Continue reading “The importance of observation”

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The magic question

Are you wanting more ease and cooperation from your kids this week?  I have a magic question that will get you exactly that.  One great thing about this question is that it also works well with other adults.   Another wonder of this magic question is that when people ask you this question you feel honored, cared for, and free to say yes or no.

This question empowers you and your loved ones to communicate openly, honestly, and freely.  It can even help you learn more about your children and their motivations.  OK, are you ready for it?  The magic question is, “Would you be willing to ____?”  Variations on this question might be “Would you?” “Could you?” or “Will you please?”

But a huge part of the magic of the question is that it’s a true request.  When you ask, “Would you be willing to help me carry in the groceries?” you’re actually asking for help, not demanding it.  So be careful with the variations unless you’re sure you’re truly asking.  Sometimes our demands can be subtle and veiled, but they’re demands none-the-less.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of demanding and ordering kids around, especially when they’re resistant and uncooperative.  “Brush your teeth” “Put on your shoes, we’re leaving” and “Stop hitting your sister” are the kinds of demands most kids experience daily.  If you’ve fallen into the habit of making lots of demands of your kids, you’re not alone.  The problem is that the more we demand, the less kids want to cooperate.  And the less kids cooperate, the more we demand.  It’s a vicious cycle, but you have the power to change the dynamics substantially, just by asking the magic question and being OK with whatever the answer is. Continue reading “The magic question”

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Moving toward sustainability

Considering our environmental impact and moving toward sustainability is something that every modern day aware parent is faced with, but sometimes the task can seem daunting and it can be difficult to tell whether we’re really making a difference.

Finding out what your carbon footprint is can be a great jumping off point.  There is a list of 15 carbon calculators here http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/climate-change/stories/the-15-best-carbon-calculators# You’ll find that car travel, air travel, and household power are often the largest contributors to your family’s carbon footprint.  You can do things like wash clothes in cold, change your light-bulbs to the new more efficient compact fluorescent bulbs, and lower your household heat by 5 degrees.

But there are a few other ideas which don’t appear in many of these calculators that I want to share with you.   By living consciously in our relationship to the environment, we can teach kids to consider their impact on the Earth and maybe get them to turn off the water when they’re brushing their teeth or compost their apple cores.  Before we know it, these kids will be all grown up and dealing with the biggest environmental challenges humans have ever seen.  So let’s do what we can to start them off on the right foot. Continue reading “Moving toward sustainability”

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Happiness is contagious

We are all inexplicably connected to one another by virtue of our deeply social nature as humans.  But recently, studies have shown exactly how those connections can actually affect our well-being.  This week I saw a show called “This Emotional Life” on Oregon Public Broadcasting (OPB).  The highlight of this particular episode was the fact that happiness is contagious.

You’re probably wondering how they know that, right?  Well, researchers created a hugely complex map of the interactions between specific people and those they’re connected with.  It was a jumble of names and arrows of different colors indicating the types of relationships.  Some people were related, others were friends or co-workers.

Out of all the data they collected, the most statistically significant finding was that happiness spreads through the map faster than the common cold.  So it looks like when you’re happy, your happiness spreads to those you come into contact with, who then share it with other people you may not have even met.  Your happiness can have a positive effect on people up to four degrees of separation from you!

With that in mind, consider the impact your happiness has on your family, and the impact theirs has on you.  This week, put some special focus on doing the things that bring you joy so that you can not only experience happiness but you can also spread it to the people you love.  And begin to notice how your child’s laughter can spread through your household like wildfire.  What can you do this week to foster joy and laughter in your home? Continue reading “Happiness is contagious”

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