Author: Shelly

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Mother worry

This week I discovered why every client I’ve ever had cries when I tell her she’s a good mother. There’s something about motherhood that taps into a deep-seated fear that we are not good enough. The truth is, everyone reading this blog right now is a caring and involved parent, so why is it that we all think we might be doing something wrong?

There’s something about our culture, and I’m guessing it has to do with media, that perpetuates the idea that there must be something wrong. But is there really? Maybe the very idea that there’s something wrong is the problem.  What if we could all see ourselves as the wonderful parents we really are – even in the moment when the pediatrician tells us our child is not developing properly, or in the moment when our friends don’t like the way we discipline, or how about when we read a scary article online about the dangers of modern life.

I once heard a description of motherhood that it was like having your heart walking around outside of your body. Now I finally understand what they meant. My own anxiety about being a good mom has surfaced this week through several disturbing dreams. Continue reading “Mother worry”

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Finding joy in the mundane

Being with a newborn can often be super fun and rewarding and at other times it can be incredibly boring.  There’s not a whole lot of interaction happening yet but there is a lot of extra laundry and additional housework because we’re home more often.  But in the moments when I’m thinking I might go crazy if I have to wash the poop out of one more diaper, I remember something I learned from Thich Nhat Hanh’s book “Peace is Every Step”.  Every mundane moment of our lives is an opportunity to be present and enjoy life.

I want to say that again, because I think it bears repeating.  Every moment of our lives is an opportunity to be present and enjoy life.  That means that at every stop-light, every time we’re waiting in line at the store, and during every load of laundry we are given a gift.  The opportunity to enjoy the moment is always there.

As I was reading Peace is Every Step, I read a particular passage about dishes.  At the time I HATED doing dishes.  I avoided them, pushed them off on my boyfriend or housemate, and if I was forced to do dishes I grumbled and cursed my way through the experience.  I was definitely NOT enjoying any part of the experience.

But then I read Thich Nhat Hanh’s words about enjoying the warm soapy water and mindfully washing each dish with care and a switch flipped inside me.  Continue reading “Finding joy in the mundane”

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Three ways to stop yelling and still be heard

Although we’re all aware, caring, conscious parents, you know as well as I do that there are times when we lose control and we find ourselves saying the very words we swore we’d never say to our kids. I’m sure there have even been times when you *gasp* yelled at your kids. So, what can you do instead of yelling when you want to be heard and your little ones seem completely oblivious to your existence? I’ve got three great strategies, new things you can do in moments when you’re about to yell or scream. So, try these and let me know how it goes!

Strategy #1 Whisper

I know it’s counter-intuitive, but it’s also like using reverse psychology. When you walk up and whisper in your child’s ear, they will be compelled to listen and become quiet themselves (so they can hear you). I’ve been shocked by how well this has worked in the classroom and in a house full of kids. I think it’s because Continue reading “Three ways to stop yelling and still be heard”

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The simpler the better

Hey Everybody, I’m back!  My beautiful daughter is nearly 2 months old and I’m excited to be back in touch with you all.Before I go on, a special thanks to all my guest bloggers. You all really helped me out and provided great content for our awakeparent
community!

OK, so you know the principle of Occam’s razor?  It’s the one that states that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.  Well, so far, it’s been showing up in my world as a new parent.  Here are some examples:  1) Which is simpler, that my husband purposely hid my fork from me or that I inadvertently tossed it into the sink and forgot about it? 2) Which is simpler, using a host of stain fighting concoctions to get the poop stains out of my cloth diapers or just putting them out in the sun for an hour? 3) Which is simpler, applying lots of special creams to my baby’s butt to get rid of diaper rash or just letting her little toosh get some air a few times a day?

I’m finding it absolutely amazing how time and again, the simpler solution is the better one!  It reminds me of a book I read years ago called “The Simple Living Guide” that offered lots of simple, easy solutions to all aspects of our ever more complicated lives.  If I recall correctly the author even wrote about things like getting rid of stuff so that you’d have less to organize and keep track of.

I love the principle of simplifying on many levels.  Continue reading “The simpler the better”

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Having friends could save your life!

The New York Times published an article this week (July 2010) about the importance of having a social network http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/28/a-new-risk-factor-your-social-life/ Apparently, the study shows that having strong social ties decreases your risk of dying by 50%!  Researches concluded that not having a social network can be as dangerous to your health as smoking a pack a day or being an alcoholic.

In the study, strong family ties counted as a social network, but I suspect that the social experiences we get to have with our peers and elders are hugely important.  So, if your only family ties are with your partner and kids, take a moment this week to consider how you can expand your social network to include some fun peer connections.   According to this study, it really could be a matter of life and death.

In my parenting coaching practice, I often work with moms who tell me they just don’t have time to connect with their friends anymore.  They struggle to get in some alone time or a workout here and there or a date with their husband, but they seem to forget that having a conversation with a girlfriend or going to lunch with an old college buddy can be just as important.

I know it’s not easy to connect with friends when your kids are around, but as a nanny, I managed to meet up with a girlfriend who also had a charge a couple of times a week.  We would chat at the park while we watched the kids play, or meet up for lunch and have a very disjointed, many times interrupted, conversation while we somehow got ourselves and the kids fed.  Or we’d walk to the library together and have a whispered adult conversation during toddler story time. Continue reading “Having friends could save your life!”

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