Author: Shelly

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Cooking with kids: How preparing food for ourselves and our families contributes to everyone’s well-being.

I used to despise spending time in the kitchen. I didn’t like doing dishes, I didn’t know how to cook, and I preferred microwave meals to home cooked ones. Wow! Have things changed. Now I buy lots of fresh organic produce, free-range meats and eggs, and I enjoy coming up with new interesting creations and cooking traditional foods. And for some reason I want to put cumin on everything.

Thinking back, I can identify a couple of things that produced the shift for me. First, I read “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh. There’s a passage where he talks about enjoying the present moment even in the mundane activities of life like washing dishes. I immediately began to ENJOY doing dishes! I luxuriated in the warm soapy water and felt a deeper sense of accomplishment than I ever could have anticipated from the simple act of doing dishes.

And then I moved in with my husband to be (we’re getting married in 6 weeks!). As soon as I moved in with him I noticed a strong desire to learn to cook welling up in me. I wanted to feed us delicious, nutritious foods.

So, I began to learn the art of cooking. It feels a little funny to be writing about cooking since I’m still so new at it, Jill is the real chef of the two of us. But what I do bring to the table is the ability to modify cooking activities into interesting and age-appropriate activities for kids of all ages.

Think of your child as the apprentice chef in your kitchen. Continue reading “Cooking with kids: How preparing food for ourselves and our families contributes to everyone’s well-being.”

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I had kids eating lima beans like they were candy.

I guess I just like watching things grow.  There’s something about planting a seed, watching it grow, bloom and produce fruit that gives me a sense of comfort.  I enjoy watching the progression from cotyledon to true sets of leaves, then pollination, and fruit.  I like tending my plants daily, making sure they’re well watered.  I even like watching the leaves wither and the seeds fall to the ground.  It’s the cycle of life, the ever-turning wheel of almost constant change.

I like to nurture things (and I’m guessing you do too!)  And I’ve found there are quite a few children who, if allowed, can become devoted to growing a bean plant (which will sprout in a wet paper-towel for goodness sake) or daisies, or pumpkins, or all three and more.

By fostering their interest in gardening you can enjoy time together tending the vegetables.  This can meet your needs for peace, nurturing, and beauty while it meets your child’s needs for learning, discovery, and understanding where food comes from.

I’ve seen children hunting and cataloguing insects and birds they find in the garden.  Digging for worms to examine.  And I’ve seen them clamoring over a newly ripe lima bean, deciding among themselves some of the time and coming to me to mediate other times– who gets to eat the delicious bean today?  I’m not kidding you– in our garden, at Berkeley Montessori School, the ripening of the lima beans was Shangri-La.

We grew carrots, lettuce (but sometimes the deer or rabbit ate it), kale, lots and lots of flowers.  Flower arranging was one of the most popular activities in our classroom.

Don’t even get me started about apple season.  We ate apples, cooked with them, watched the squirrels eat them, and used them in art projects.  I wish every child on earth could have an apple tree.

When I was little, we had a cherry tree.  It was my sweet delight, my haven, and a source of some concern, what with cherry trees growing out of people’s ears— or at least that’s what they told me would happen if I swallowed the pit.

I did eat so many cherries I gave myself a stomachache, but then I learned my limits, and just ate a few less. I can never remember anything more than curiosity and gentle suggestions from my mom that perhaps I’d had enough cherries.

Maria Montessori said that all children have an innate desire to learn and grow.  I’ve seen that truth so clearly in my years working with young people.  They’re voracious learners.  The just need some stimulation– something to tend to– you know, a job (or their “great work” as we liked to call it).  Otherwise known as a purpose.  A garden can be just the motivation some kids need to take interest and responsibility.

So, this thing keeps happening in everything I write lately– I start off on one topic- gardening, and I end up on another– a child’s purpose.  But then again, for your child this could be the same thing…  I mean if my purpose is to nurture and support families, couldn’t his just as easily be to grow things?

So, here’s what I’m really saying– grow a garden if you and/or your child would enjoy that.  And whether or not you grow a garden this summer, help your child find a new way to grow into his purpose– whether his purpose is to learn new skills, tend a garden, take care of animals, or whatever!  If it lights him up, encourage him.

In a couple of weeks I’ll write more about how to encourage your child’s desire to cook and prepare food!  You might not be the only one who loves to prepare nutritious and delicious meals for your family.

With love, Shelly

Oh, and I’d love to hear what you think.  Please leave a comment in the box below.  Thanks!

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How to get time for yourself: Set your kids up for independent play

Create new exciting activities your kids will love and read a novel for a change!

Remember how you used to love to read for pleasure?  You’d spend hours in a well-lit room with a book and at the end of it, you didn’t know a new recipe, have another way to spice things up in the bedroom, or learn how to install blinds.  Instead, you had memories of far away landscapes and intimate relationships with imaginary characters

Ahh, the joy of fiction.

But now, you have kids.  You don’t have time to read for pleasure– right?  WRONG!!!  In fact, it’s more important than EVER that you do WHATEVER brings you joy and pleasure.

You are your child’s most important influence and, along with any other caregivers, the people she’s most likely to emulate.  Don’t you want your child to ENJOY life?!

Of course you do, so please, take extra time today and every day to take good care of yourself and enjoy your own process of living and growing.

Your homework for this week:  Take good of yourself, give yourself things you enjoy, and become your kids’ example of how to enjoy your life. Continue reading “How to get time for yourself: Set your kids up for independent play”

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Got a wild child? Give ‘em more responsibility!

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but working in preschools has taught me that when kids act out, it’s often because they’re bored and want attention from us. I’ve noticed that when I give these kids MORE responsibility, jobs to do, and tasks to complete (without being too ATTACHED to them actually accomplishing the task) they respond by becoming more driven and successful.

This creates a positive cycle in which:
1) You notice some behaviors you don’t like.
2) Rather than focusing on those behaviors, you offer alternatives in the form of tasks, jobs, or responsibilities (careful here though, these must be tasks that would be nice to have done, but which are true requests- not demands). Continue reading “Got a wild child? Give ‘em more responsibility!”

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How I averted a power struggle and created a game instead

After I learned to Go for the Giggle, I had an experience with a child in which I could see two distinct choices before me of how to handle a potential power struggle.

It was another afternoon with “Kyle”, six years old, and “Neil”, who was two. I was sitting in the playroom folding the family laundry.

Just as I had almost finished, and was stacking some of the folded laundry into the basket, Kyle ran over and knocked the basket over, spilling the newly folded laundry on to the floor.

I felt a flash of anger and tensely asked him to pick it up. He refused and ran out of the room with a grin. I continued to fold the last of the laundry but left the basked toppled and waited for him to return.

I considered my options… “This could easily escalate and become a huge power struggle,” I thought, envisioning that scenario unfolding (pun intended).

I knew I didn’t want to pick up the laundry myself, but I also couldn’t force him to do it.

Suddenly, Kyle entered the room wearing his dress-up armor, carrying a sword and a shield.

He pointed the sword at me.

I asked again if he would pick up the basket. He said, “I didn’t knock over the basket.”

We all knew he was lying–we’d seen him knock the laundry over.

But I had an idea. I decided to play along with his game and see if I could spin this so that he’d actually WANT to pick up the basket.

“Oh Great Knight!” I exclaimed, “I’m so glad you’ve come! A laundry monster has knocked over my basket of laundry! Please, Great Knight, will you help me?!”

Kyle flashed me a smile and ran over to the basket.

After he picked everything up he pointed the sword at me again.

I glanced over and pointed at a stuffed dragon on the floor nearby “There it is Great Knight! The Laundry Monster! Slay it!” Kyle quickly directed his sword at the stuffed dragon–and away from me.

I felt triumphant. Not only had I averted a potential power struggle, we had actually remained connected, and had fun together in the midst of a potential disaster.

I got my laundry fixed, and he got to play and save face. In fact, as soon as I was able to take his lead and really play with him, he was able to cooperate.

In this instance, not only was I able to remain grounded in my own needs for safety and peace, but also I was able to make a clear request, to which Kyle could agree without feeling overpowered, forced, or coerced.

So, the next time it seems like he’s just out to get you, see what you can do to turn the tables to avoid the power struggle.

I feel so grateful that this time, I chose the path of ease, fun, and connection. I hope by sharing this story, I can offer you more options for avoiding a power struggle and staying connected with your child.

Thanks for being here!
Warmest hugs, Shelly Birger

P.S. What did you think about this topic ? Have you ever had similar experiences? We welcome your comments in the box below.

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