Creating connection – Page 4

February 16, 2011April 28, 2011

The art of receiving

As a parent, we give and give and give to our kids. And then we turn around and notice our friends, partners or other family members and we give some more. Then after giving all we can, we collapse into a heap at the end of the day whining about how we never have enough time to ourselves. I get it. I’ve been there. But I think we each create our reality and we’re actually responsible for creating the lives we want. So then I reach out, ask for help, and create support systems.

The problem is that when someone is willing to help me, I actually have to be able to accept that help. I’m better at it now, but receiving hasn’t always been easy for me. Sure, I was good at receiving physical gifts, but I wasn’t so great at receiving compliments or acts of service from my friends and family. I used to energetically push those gifts away by minimizing, deflecting, or reassuring people that I had everything handled.

And then I had an epiphany. I realized that just as I love to help, so do other people. I noticed that when I was able to contribute to someone else’s wellbeing, my heart sang and then my heart immediately sank as I remembered all the times that I had been unwilling to receive help and support from others. Continue reading “The art of receiving”

February 10, 2011

Got giggles?

I’m curious, is there enough laughter in your home? Do you often laugh and smile yourself? Do your kids joke and play happily together? Are there peals of laughter coursing through your hallways daily? If not, then it’s time for a laughter make-over in your home.

Laughter is one of my favorite ways to release pent up emotions. Sure, there are other ways like crying and anger release, but laughter is without a doubt the most fun emotional release for everybody in the household.

But how do you infuse your home with more joy and laughter? I’ve got some ideas I’d like to share with you.

1) Be super silly- A young child’s sense of humor is fairly undeveloped which makes it fairly easy to make them laugh. Doing something unexpectedly silly will often do the trick. I like to put funny hats on, talk in an accent, dance around the room shaking my head and arms wildly or just act a little bit crazy. Kids absolutely love it when we adults let loose and play with them in this way. You’ll know you’re on the right track when they’re looking at you like you’re nuts or they’re smiling and laughing. Continue reading “Got giggles?”

January 26, 2011January 26, 2011

The trouble with texting

Last night as I was mindlessly flipping through television channels trying to find something interesting I happened upon a show in which young children were being interviewed by a journalist while their parents watched from a room nearby. The kids were between the ages of three years old and six years old and the journalist was asking them about cell phones and texting.

“Do your parents ever text?” she asked. The children nodded wildly and raised their hands to speak. One little boy talked about how his mom was “always texting, texting, texting.” Another child shared how she hates it when her mom takes phone calls instead of playing with her. One child shouted, “I wish phones were never invented!” And another little girl talked about how she sometimes plays with six or seven toys at once because she likes to “multi-task” just like her Daddy. Whoa.

The parents in the next room were a little bit shocked at how strongly the kids felt and ultimately shared that they felt embarrassed that they had prioritized their phones above their children in many instances. One of the parents was perplexed though, because apparently her job requires that she be available and on call. She wondered how she could be on call and still let her child know that he’s important to her.

I don’t have any answers for that particular parent, but the show got me thinking. How much do we really NEED to be at the beck and call of our electronic devices, and how much have we unconsciously fallen into the trap of our shiny, fun toys? And, considering that our children learn by imitating us, how much do we want our kids staring at screens and pushing buttons to communicate with friends, co-workers, and family members that are hundreds or thousands of miles away? Continue reading “The trouble with texting”

January 20, 2011January 20, 2011

What we can learn from Chinese mothers

Have you heard about the new book out that purports that Chinese mothers are better than western mothers? I haven’t read the book, but I did read an article about it and I was horrified to say the least. In the article I read there was a story of the author berating, cajoling, threatening, and punishing her child in order to get her to learn a piano piece. The child did in fact master the piece, so the author says that her parenting was effective. I disagree. I think it’s wonderful that her child overcame a challenge and learned a difficult piano piece, but I disagree with HOW the mother went about the lesson. I don’t think it’s ever OK to mock your child or call him names, even if your intent is to motivate.

But there was something in the article that I did agree with. The author said that overcoming a challenge provides a boost in confidence for young people. I agree entirely. She also wrote about the fact that Chinese mothers are willing to spend hours and hours tutoring, drilling, and helping their children with challenging lessons. And I began to wonder, are we western mothers willing to do the same? Would I sit down with my daughter for as long as it took her to learn her multiplication tables? To be perfectly honest, I had to answer “maybe.”

As I considered the subject further I realized that I do know lots of parents who I think rely too heavily on computers and television to teach their children. What if we were to take our American ingenuity and work ethic and apply it to the job of teaching our kids?

Your challenge this week is to get down in the trenches with your child and really support him in the skill or ability he’s most struggling with. Continue reading “What we can learn from Chinese mothers”

January 5, 2011January 5, 2011

Loving our kids no matter what gets thrown at us

This morning as I hugged my baby to me, she squeezed me and I reveled in the moment of closeness and connection, until I realized she had wiped her booger on my shirt. I’m not sure there’s much in life that’s more humbling than realizing that to my child, one of my roles is to be her human tissue and wastebasket.

At first I felt offended and wondered if snot removal was all she thought I was good for. And then I settled in to a deeper realization that motherhood is millions of acts of service, some enormous (like giving birth) and some small (like taking a slobbery apple core) but essentially, I will give of myself to the best of my ability for as long as my child needs me. I also realized that I should enjoy this time when my child is small and needs me so much, because I know that one of the most challenging acts of service lies ahead–letting go.

So for now, I’ll try to enjoy being a human tissue and later I’ll do my best to be a wastebasket with a smile so that eventually when my child no longer needs me as fiercely, I’ll be able to let go with the fond memories of a time when she couldn’t even sit up or tie her shoes.

As I thought about it more I realized that I could be my child’s wastebasket in more than one way. Sure, like every mother, I will have a plastic baggie full of garbage in my purse at all times. But I can also be a receptacle for her emotional boogers and garbage too. Continue reading “Loving our kids no matter what gets thrown at us”