Category: Conscious parenting

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I dream of sustainability

Ever since I saw the blog The Zero Waste Home last week (thanks ShalomMama!), I can’t stop thinking about the idea of living a life with less, if not “zero” waste.  I’ve been hyper aware of every single thing I put into the trash.   And I’ve been asking myself, what would I do with that, if I didn’t throw it away?  Bea Johnson, says “Refuse, refuse, refuse, and then reduce, reuse, recycle.”  And I certainly like the idea of simplifying my life and reducing my carbon footprint.  But I’m just not sure how far I’m willing to go to get there.

I mean, I think I can handle using a hanky instead of tissues, but I’m not so sure I’m willing to give up toilet paper.  And, while I enjoy buying bulk, I also really like some foods that are pre-packaged.  Hmmmm

I feel I’ve been working toward a more sustainable lifestyle for a long time now.  I’ve composted for about seven years and I love watching the soil come alive with organisms when it’s given some nutrients.  Last spring we raised chicks at our house, and now we’re getting three or four eggs a day from our four hens.  The chickens are such sweet pets and the eggs are delicious.

This year we’ve harvested quite a few mature apples from the apple tree in the front yard, and there are still several more on the branch.  I fertilized the tree with bat droppings.  I wonder who collected the bat scat and where it was harvested.   Does anyone know if chicken droppings would work as a flower/fruit fertilizer?

I also shop secondhand a bunch.  I use my local kids resale shop, Kids-n-Style like a rental house for toys, clothes, and baby gear.  I walk in with something to trade and walk out with the thing I’m really wanting that is perfect for my daughter’s current stage of development.  It’s really a win/win.  And then there are the environmental benefits of less manufacturing, less transportation and shipping.  Oh, and I bring my re-usable bags with me everywhere, and I use them.  So I think I’ve made some really positive changes that help me to live a more sustainable life.

One of the choices that I’m most proud of is my choice to cloth diaper my daughter.  In fact, I have NEVER used a single disposable diaper for her, even when we traveled across the country.  I’m really happy to know that we haven’t added any diapers to our landfill.

On the other hand, I LOVE hot water.  In fact, conserving water at all is a BIG challenge for me.  And while I’m thinking of putting up a clothesline, I’m not sure if I’m going to like the stiffness of the line-dried clothes.  Does that make me an irresponsible energy hog?

We also have a hot tub and I do NOT want to give it up just to reduce our energy consumption.  I find the hot water absolutely therapeutic.  My husband and I often spend “date nap” in the hot tub.  It was absolutely wonderful to be in the warm water during the first stages of birth…mmmm.

Oh, and I really enjoy having bananas and other tropical fruits on hand, no matter what time of year it is.  I understand that it would be better for the environment if I ate only locally produced food, but we have a very short growing season here in Bend, Oregon and come on, who can resist the bananas at the grocery store?  I surely can’t, at least not yet…

 

So, what if I had a solar powered home and I set up a very tall grow room for my banana tree?  That’s eating locally and producing the energy to grow my own food, but I guess I didn’t really take into account the production of the solar panels.  OK, I’ll admit that’s a pretty outlandish example, but isn’t it strange to be learning to produce less waste and use less energy while typing away on my laptop?  I wash some of my clothes with an old fashioned washboard, but I also stream movies through my big flat screen TV.  By the way, are the photovoltaic production plants running on solar power yet?

As you can see, sustainability is a VAST topic and at our house we’re no where near achieving it, but I think we’re doing pretty well so far and I know we’ll continue to learn, change, grow, and improve, because, well, that’s just what we do!

Have you made any recent changes at your house to improve your impact on the environment?  I would love to hear about it!  Have a super week, Shelly

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Playing with power

Well, it has happened.  My sweet baby is already becoming a willful toddler.  The past week or so has been filled with frustrating moments for her and for anyone near her.  She has begun to whine.  She is clinging to us like she thinks we’ll disappear if we’re out of her sight.  And of course, she’s also starting to walk.

Learning to walk and talk are HUGE developmental milestones for a baby and with the new development comes an equally big emotional response.  Tears and frustration abound as we humans learn new skills and reach new levels of development.  And it’s not just babies who experience the emotional ride of learning new skills.  Children and adults of all ages have the same big feelings.  When we reach a goal, there’s often a big emotional high and an accompanying let down.

So, what do we do with those feelings of sadness and anger that go along with new accomplishments?  We can try to ignore them or shove them aside, but that sure hasn’t been working at our house.  I’d rather embrace the feelings and provide a safe space for my daughter to fully express all that she’s going through.

Amazingly, just last week, my little one learned how to roar like a lion and wow, it’s a really ferocious roar!  So my mom and I began to play a game with her where we pretend to be frightened by her roar.  She LOVES it!  It’s really one of the first times I’ve seen her expressing and enjoying her power, she completely lights up.  She roars again and again while we cower in mock fear.  “Oh no!  Don’t eat me!  I’m so scared,” can be heard often at our house these days.  Here’s a short video of the game:

Then last night it was bedtime.  And you guessed it, she didn’t want to go to bed.  I could tell she was getting agitated and she started to test my husband by hitting him.  She knows that hitting people isn’t allowed, but she wasn’t sure how else to express the anger and frustration bubbling up inside her.

So I redirected her hitting to the stuffed animals on her bed.  Before we knew it, my husband, daughter, and I were all throwing and hitting and jumping on the stuffed animals yelling, “Take that!” and “Aaarrgghh!”  We all had a blast and each of us got an opportunity to express any unexpressed anger or frustration.  I can’t even tell you how satisfying it was to slam that pink elephant into the wall.  It was truly liberating.  The best part was that after the anger release, she was tired and ready to wind down to sleep.

So the next time anyone at your house is whining or getting agitated, try playing a power game.  Sometimes, just having an appropriate outlet for anger, frustration, or powerlessness is all a child really needs.  And when offered a healthy way to release those feelings, kids can easily return to their usual kind and cooperative selves.

Wish me luck with the rest of toddler-hood, I have a feeling I’m going to need it!

Have a great week, Shelly

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Back to school separation anxiety

School is starting! What an exciting and stressful time. You’re probably rushing around purchasing school supplies and wondering how your child will separate at the door. Or maybe school has already started and your child is in the throws of separation anxiety, completely freaking out when you leave. Be assured, the transition can and will go smoothly, it’s just a matter of time and technique.

Transitions are almost always challenging for young people and that goes for both large and small transitions. Moving from bath time to bed can produce a lot of upset, so it makes sense that starting back to school (or starting school for the first time) would also cause some emotional ripples.

First, know that you are not alone. When I taught preschool there were always a few children in every class who had a difficult time separating at the beginning of the year. But after several weeks, everyone was transitioning joyfully.

Now, I’ll give you the same information and advice I gave the parents in the classroom that helped to resolve the upset quickly and fairly easily.

The most important thing about a morning school separation is that it is QUICK and that the parent is calm, comfortable, and relaxed. The more you can leave your own feelings of sadness, upset, and anxiety at home, the better your child will do.

I don’t mean to imply that you won’t HAVE upsetting feelings, just that you’ll do your best to experience and work through those feelings AWAY from the door of your child’s classroom. So, when you’re at the door, you’re projecting calm confidence, trust, and warmth. This is HUGE.

Why quick? The more time you spend helping your child get his things into his locker, making sure he has his lunch, asking the teacher about the schedule for the day, and giving him multiple hugs and kisses, the more time he has to recognize that you are uncomfortable (or that he is). Also, when your child sees you in and around his classroom, he begins to wonder why you can’t just spend your day at school with him. After all, you are one of his favorite people in the whole world, so why wouldn’t he want you to stick around?

What your child may fail to realize is that school is an opportunity for her to branch out socially and become more independent. It’s a growth opportunity and having a parent present could actually undermine her motivation to reach out to new friends.

But, when new friends and teachers are the only choice available, you’d be surprised how quickly children can acclimate and enjoy the new environment. Often, the kids who have the greatest separation anxiety are the same children who bond to the teachers and other kids quickly. The classroom becomes a new base of operations and they easily rely on their new community for the help and support they need. This is a very important skill.

Do you remember a time from your own childhood when you felt unsure, afraid, and you wanted to cling to someone or something familiar? Giving your child a keepsake, a slap bracelet, a hand stamp, or some other reminder of you can be a great way for your child to remain connected to you, even as she stretches her wings socially. But don’t go too crazy, leaving elaborate notes in her lunch every day. Take your cue from your child, what does she ask for and need?

Acknowledging your child’s feelings can help too, but again, be brief. Something like, “Honey, I know you’re feeling worried and that’s OK. I think some other kids are feeling the same way. If you need help, you can ask your teacher. I bet you’ll have a great day. I love you and I’ll see you at 3:00,” should be sufficient. And you can always talk more after school.

Next, if your child is having a difficult time separating, talk to his teacher and ask about their policy on separation anxiety. Some schools will call you if your child is inconsolable for longer than half an hour or so. Or it may be OK for you to call to check in. I always loved giving worried parents the news that their child was happily playing and working just minutes after they had left the room.

You’ve chosen to put your child in preschool, private, or public school for a host of reasons, so take a moment to ground yourself and feel into those reasons. You know what is best for your child, now it’s time to trust, let go, and enjoy the ride.

Have a wonderful week, Shelly

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Parenting exhaustion

Boy, is it exhausting to be a parent or what?!  You start off with the nighttime wake ups but at least when they’re that little, they’re not moving around too much.  Remember when you’d put them down and they’d just stay put?!  It’s like a distant memory, right?

And, by the time you’re actually getting a good night’s sleep (except for the occasional accident or vomiting in the bed), they’re running around like crazy people and screaming, “Play with me! Play with me!” and wanting to go to the park and the pool and everywhere else they can think of.  Whew!  I feel tired just thinking about it.

I’ve heard some divorced parents admit that they’re actually relieved when they’re kids go to their co-parent’s house.  And now that I’m a parent myself, I can see why!  It really does take a village, doesn’t it?  I think we should all have statues erected in our honor if we survive parenthood long enough to see our adult children become exhausted parents.

As a kid, one of the things I never understood was why my parents didn’t have the energy to play with me all the time or take me wherever I wanted.  The idea that resting would be more fun than constant activity was a completely foreign concept.  I think the only time I was still was when I was mesmerized by the television or forced to sleep.

One of the things I loved about being a nanny for twins was that at least they always had each other to play with.  But the truth is, you can’t always just pawn off the littler kids with the bigger kids.  In fact, sometimes that creates more of a hassle than a help.

So, what do we do when we’re tuckered out and our kids are raring to go?  Well, I like to set them up with a self-directed activity and then sit nearby and read a book or rest while they are engaged in playing and learning at the same time.  Here’s a post I wrote a while back about some things kids can do mostly on their own.

There are tons of things that kids would love to do themselves, but often it feels like more work to let them.  Take cooking for instance.  Everyone I know loves to eat cookies.  And kids love to mix and bake them too.  Sure, they’re likely to make more of a mess than you would, but amazingly, they also often ENJOY cleaning up too!  I wrote a post about how to get kids to help with clean up too.

But, once you have them set up with an activity, the really challenging part begins.  We as parents must choose to take care of ourselves and actually REST, rather than jumping up to do another load of laundry or cleaning up after our kids while they’re still making a mess.  We need to learn to stop and take a break!

So, what can you do to maximize the 5-10min. window you have when the kids are happily engaged?  Here’s a list of some of my favorites:

1)     Close my eyes and take deep breaths (or meditate)

2)    Read a novel

3)    Take a bath

4)   Sit outside and watch the wind blowing through the trees

5)    Yoga

6)    Take a cat nap

7)    Smell the roses (literally)

What are the things that you could do to maximize the few minutes of restful time you can squeeze out of the day?  And how else do you deal with the exhaustion of parenting?  Please let me know, I could really use some help on this one!

Have a great week, Shelly

 

 

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Sleep more, learn more

Wow, this week has been all about sleep research.  I’ve been reading “Nurture Shock” by Po Bronson & Ashley Marryman and whoa, the new sleep research is startling!  I also watched a Nova special on sleep, and then last night my husband and I watched an episode of Star Trek Next Generation where the whole crew suffers from sleep deprivation due to lack of REM sleep.

It’s all pretty interesting stuff, so here’s what I’ve learned so far…

1)     We dream in all stages of sleep, not just REM sleep and scientists think that REM sleep dreams are specifically designed as practice to help us figure out how to handle emotionally difficult situations.

2)    Children today get an hour less sleep per night than children did just 30 years ago.

3)    Just 15 min. of extra sleep at night has been shown to give kids higher cognitive functioning, better test scores and better grades in school.

4)   A LOT of the symptoms of both ADHD and clinical depression are identical to symptoms of long-term sleep deprivation.

5)    A lack of sleep causes chemical changes in the body that may be the underlying cause of the obesity epidemic here in the US.

6)    Sleep is crucial to learning and if allowed to sleep in between lessons, subjects show marked improvements in newly learned skills.

7)    While adults only spend 4% of sleep in the slow wave stage of sleep, Children spend almost 40% of their sleep there.

Clearly, there’s a LOT going on regarding sleep and the optimal functioning of our amazing brain.  From our own experiences we know that sleep is crucial to learning.  Haven’t you ever learned something new and then gone to sleep and dreamed about it all night long?  Well, the research bears out this intuitive knowledge that sleep is crucial to learning.

So, why are kids getting less sleep?  Well, I have some theories.  First, screen time and bright lights at night have been shown to disrupt our circadian rhythms, so kids are having a harder time falling asleep because they’ve recently been exposed to bright lights or screens.  And then there’s the fact that so many working parents are working such long hours that they barely get to see their kids in the evening.  So parents are keeping their kids up later so that they can have some time together during the week.  And children don’t seem to be complaining.  Obviously they will try to stay up as late as we will let them, not realizing the long-term consequences of sleep deprivation.

So, as conscious, aware parents, we have got to put our children’s long-term health and well-being above our momentary desire for fifteen more minutes with them at the end of a long day.  Now that we have this new, proven knowledge of the importance of sleep, it’s our job to take action.

We need to reclaim the “lost hour” and boy will we be glad when we have.  After taking a good hard look at the research, I’m convinced that by putting sleep first, we’ll all end up with happier, more focused, higher functioning, and better adjusted kids.  And what could possibly be more important than that?

Have a restful week, Shelly

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