Category: Conscious parenting

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The importance of observation

When it comes to babies, at my core, I am a scientist.  The process children go through as they transform from a fetus into a walking talking human child in just the first 2 years of life fascinates me.  It’s absolutely incredible really.  As a scientist, I want to understand all I can about this amazing process.  And if there’s one thing I’ve learned that is the same in both my scientific and my Montessori backgrounds, it’s that observation is the key to understanding child development.

My daughter has Erb’s palsy brought on by her shoulder dystocia during birth.  At first I didn’t notice anything wrong, and since most babies heal on their own without any intervention, I just assumed she would too.   She did seem to prefer to use her right arm and hand, but I didn’t know that wasn’t normal.

We have a wonderful pediatric physical therapist who is teaching me all about arm, shoulder and hand development in infants.  She’s taught me that at three months old, Julia shouldn’t have a handedness or preference for one side over the other.  So, I started paying closer attention to the specific movements we’re looking for and truly comparing her arm and hand development on the left with the development of the right.  Much to my amazement there are differences that had gone unnoticed by me in the past.  Although she’s starting to use her left arm more and more, she does raise her right arm above her head more often than she does with her left.

So, what does this have to do with you and with parenting in general?  My point is that if we’re not paying close attention to the physical, emotional, and social development of our kids, things can slip through the cracks unnoticed.  We have to take the time to actually pay attention to where kids are developmentally in order to know that they’re on track and, more importantly, in order to know how to challenge and encourage them to develop further. Continue reading “The importance of observation”

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The magic question

Are you wanting more ease and cooperation from your kids this week?  I have a magic question that will get you exactly that.  One great thing about this question is that it also works well with other adults.   Another wonder of this magic question is that when people ask you this question you feel honored, cared for, and free to say yes or no.

This question empowers you and your loved ones to communicate openly, honestly, and freely.  It can even help you learn more about your children and their motivations.  OK, are you ready for it?  The magic question is, “Would you be willing to ____?”  Variations on this question might be “Would you?” “Could you?” or “Will you please?”

But a huge part of the magic of the question is that it’s a true request.  When you ask, “Would you be willing to help me carry in the groceries?” you’re actually asking for help, not demanding it.  So be careful with the variations unless you’re sure you’re truly asking.  Sometimes our demands can be subtle and veiled, but they’re demands none-the-less.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of demanding and ordering kids around, especially when they’re resistant and uncooperative.  “Brush your teeth” “Put on your shoes, we’re leaving” and “Stop hitting your sister” are the kinds of demands most kids experience daily.  If you’ve fallen into the habit of making lots of demands of your kids, you’re not alone.  The problem is that the more we demand, the less kids want to cooperate.  And the less kids cooperate, the more we demand.  It’s a vicious cycle, but you have the power to change the dynamics substantially, just by asking the magic question and being OK with whatever the answer is. Continue reading “The magic question”

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Moving toward sustainability

Considering our environmental impact and moving toward sustainability is something that every modern day aware parent is faced with, but sometimes the task can seem daunting and it can be difficult to tell whether we’re really making a difference.

Finding out what your carbon footprint is can be a great jumping off point.  There is a list of 15 carbon calculators here http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/climate-change/stories/the-15-best-carbon-calculators# You’ll find that car travel, air travel, and household power are often the largest contributors to your family’s carbon footprint.  You can do things like wash clothes in cold, change your light-bulbs to the new more efficient compact fluorescent bulbs, and lower your household heat by 5 degrees.

But there are a few other ideas which don’t appear in many of these calculators that I want to share with you.   By living consciously in our relationship to the environment, we can teach kids to consider their impact on the Earth and maybe get them to turn off the water when they’re brushing their teeth or compost their apple cores.  Before we know it, these kids will be all grown up and dealing with the biggest environmental challenges humans have ever seen.  So let’s do what we can to start them off on the right foot. Continue reading “Moving toward sustainability”

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Finding joy in the mundane

Being with a newborn can often be super fun and rewarding and at other times it can be incredibly boring.  There’s not a whole lot of interaction happening yet but there is a lot of extra laundry and additional housework because we’re home more often.  But in the moments when I’m thinking I might go crazy if I have to wash the poop out of one more diaper, I remember something I learned from Thich Nhat Hanh’s book “Peace is Every Step”.  Every mundane moment of our lives is an opportunity to be present and enjoy life.

I want to say that again, because I think it bears repeating.  Every moment of our lives is an opportunity to be present and enjoy life.  That means that at every stop-light, every time we’re waiting in line at the store, and during every load of laundry we are given a gift.  The opportunity to enjoy the moment is always there.

As I was reading Peace is Every Step, I read a particular passage about dishes.  At the time I HATED doing dishes.  I avoided them, pushed them off on my boyfriend or housemate, and if I was forced to do dishes I grumbled and cursed my way through the experience.  I was definitely NOT enjoying any part of the experience.

But then I read Thich Nhat Hanh’s words about enjoying the warm soapy water and mindfully washing each dish with care and a switch flipped inside me.  Continue reading “Finding joy in the mundane”

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The simpler the better

Hey Everybody, I’m back!  My beautiful daughter is nearly 2 months old and I’m excited to be back in touch with you all.Before I go on, a special thanks to all my guest bloggers. You all really helped me out and provided great content for our awakeparent
community!

OK, so you know the principle of Occam’s razor?  It’s the one that states that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.  Well, so far, it’s been showing up in my world as a new parent.  Here are some examples:  1) Which is simpler, that my husband purposely hid my fork from me or that I inadvertently tossed it into the sink and forgot about it? 2) Which is simpler, using a host of stain fighting concoctions to get the poop stains out of my cloth diapers or just putting them out in the sun for an hour? 3) Which is simpler, applying lots of special creams to my baby’s butt to get rid of diaper rash or just letting her little toosh get some air a few times a day?

I’m finding it absolutely amazing how time and again, the simpler solution is the better one!  It reminds me of a book I read years ago called “The Simple Living Guide” that offered lots of simple, easy solutions to all aspects of our ever more complicated lives.  If I recall correctly the author even wrote about things like getting rid of stuff so that you’d have less to organize and keep track of.

I love the principle of simplifying on many levels.  Continue reading “The simpler the better”

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