Human Rights for Children

The urge to control our kids can be almost uncontrollably strong at times, can’t it? “I just want her to do what I want right now!” But whenever we’re struggling with a child and we want them to submit to our authority, we’re silently taking away everything we’ve said (or were about to say) to our kids about standing up for themselves against peer pressure. We’re sending the message that we’re the more powerful ones and their ideas, thoughts, and desires don’t even matter.

Well I’ve got news for you. What children want does matter. In fact, I would argue that what they want is just as important as what you want. Yes, you are the parent and you get to make the final decision about what’s happening next, what the rules are, and how you’ll handle it when rules are broken. But if you’re really honest with yourself, is your desire to get out the door really more important than his desire to play with his trains for five more minutes?

As adults, I think we have a tendency to take our power for granted and since we live in a culture that values a power over approach, it can be difficult to get out of that destructive cycle. But I think it’s time for each of us to try.

Wouldn’t it be amazing to raise a child who already feels powerful and capable and knows that his ideas and preferences matter to the people who love him? Sure there are times when he’ll be disappointed, that’s just a part of life. We never get exactly what we want 100% of the time. But instead of engaging in a power struggle, I’d rather work WITH kids to help find a solution that actually works well for all of us.

I’m not talking about giving all of the power to your child, never setting any rules or boundaries, and being at the mercy of a kid who has power over you. That isn’t a healthy scenario for anyone involved.

What I’m talking about is avoiding forcing, coercing, bribing, or threatening and instead reasoning, helping, cooperating, and respecting children as the whole human beings they already are.

I’m talking about coupling increased power and autonomy with real world responsibilities so that our kids can grow up prepared for life both practically speaking and also in terms of their ability to negotiate for what they want and make a place for themselves in the big wide world.

Let’s stop forcing them to do our will, take a step back and watch what they do when we give them the freedom they’re yearning for. Let’s follow their lead more often and encourage them to develop their interests and go for their goals with gusto.

Instead of teaching children to follow the rules, do what adults tell them to do, and submit to our dominance, let’s learn from their wisdom, let them make the rules, and help them use their power wisely.

My bet is that children have a lot more to teach us than we might realize.

OK, end rant! 🙂

I hope you’re having a great week and I always love to hear from you.

Warm hugs, Shelly

OK, now that I’m sure I’ve got your attention, I can’t believe I never realized this before. When we think of genital mutilation, most people think of the African practice of removing a young girl’s external genitalia purportedly to reduce libido.

International organizations have joined together to help end the horrific practice of female genital mutilation. But there is a socially accepted form of genital mutilation that happens to newborn baby boys every day here in America and elsewhere. It’s called circumcision.

In 1975 the American Academy of Pediatrics stated, “there is no absolute medical indication for routine circumcision of the newborn.” They restated their position in 1983, 1999 and again in 2005. But I guess Americans were already accustomed to circumcising their infant boys and so an estimated 60-75% of men in the US are currently circumcised.

On the other hand, more and more parents are beginning to question this unnecessary surgery and Intact America estimates that 60% of baby boys leaving the hospital today remain intact. Hooray for progress!

I even have some Jewish friends who had a ceremonial Bris for their son, doing all the traditional songs and prayers, but leaving out the actual cutting and replacing it with a ceremonial sweep of the knife.

There are lots of reasons I would choose not to circumcise my own child. First of all, I don’t believe in removing a person’s body parts without their consent. So, basic human rights is probably the biggest reason I won’t circumcise a child. An infant cannot consent to such a surgery.

What makes us think we have the right to decide for a child that a part of his body is unnecessary? If my daughter came to me asking me to cut off her finger or toe, I certainly wouldn’t agree so why is the skin protecting the head of a penis somehow expendable?

In fact, I’m quite certain that if I were to ask a doctor to surgically remove any other body part from my child, I would swiftly be reported for attempted child abuse.

Now I know there have been some interesting studies coming out of Africa that have shown that circumcision of adult heterosexual men can reduce the likelihood of HIV infection.

Although some previous studies have been flawed, I do think this new round of studies provides some hope to certain African populations and I have no objection to adult males choosing to become circumcised for HIV prevention.

Although, I would hope that acquiring and using condoms, which is more effective at the prevention of HIV infections, would be considered preferable to circumcision in most cases.

Either way, circumcising infant boys in America is not indicated for HIV prevention or otherwise. The point I’m trying to make here is that circumcising infants is cruel and unnecessary.

If you want to know more details about the procedure of circumcision (which includes strapping an infant to a plastic board to induce immobility) you can learn more here:

The Facts Behind Circumcision

http://www.intactamerica.org/learnmore

I also enjoyed this article from Intact America and found it to be helpful

Ten Reasons Not to Circumcise Your Baby Boy http://www.intactamerica.org/resources/decision

And if you have a baby boy who is intact, Terri’s article on how to care for an uncircumcised penis was very informative. I didn’t know that the foreskin shouldn’t be fully retracted at birth and even at six years old, 80% of boys do not yet have fully retractable foreskin.

Check out her great article here: http://onelovelivity.com/childofnatureblog/leave-de-boy-penis-alone-aka-he-is-intact-do-not-retract/

And please let me know your thoughts and feelings about infant circumcision in the comment section below.

Have a great week! Warmly, Shelly

Category: Human Rights for Children

Let’s Stop Controlling and Start Listening to Children

Circumcision is Genital Mutilation