Parenting tips – Page 2

October 6, 2010October 6, 2010

Three ways to stop yelling and still be heard

Although we’re all aware, caring, conscious parents, you know as well as I do that there are times when we lose control and we find ourselves saying the very words we swore we’d never say to our kids. I’m sure there have even been times when you *gasp* yelled at your kids. So, what can you do instead of yelling when you want to be heard and your little ones seem completely oblivious to your existence? I’ve got three great strategies, new things you can do in moments when you’re about to yell or scream. So, try these and let me know how it goes!

Strategy #1 Whisper

I know it’s counter-intuitive, but it’s also like using reverse psychology. When you walk up and whisper in your child’s ear, they will be compelled to listen and become quiet themselves (so they can hear you). I’ve been shocked by how well this has worked in the classroom and in a house full of kids. I think it’s because Continue reading “Three ways to stop yelling and still be heard”

September 22, 2010June 20, 2018

Guest Blog: Top 10 tips to deal with me now that I’m a grandparent

This week’s blog is from my stepdad Jim:

I realize I’m working against my own interests here but, as someone who’s been a parent, I’ve got some advice for you on how to deal with grandparents now that you’ve just made me one.

1. You’re in charge: You think I’ve been overbearing in the past and maybe a little too free with unsolicited “advice?” Just wait! So remember, it’s your kid and until he starts making decisions for himself you – not me – get to make the decisions for him. That means you should feel free to tell me, “That’s not how we do things,” and to donate inappropriate (or extremely loud) gifts to Goodwill.

2. Ask for the help you want: I’ll be more than happy to hold the baby while you do the dishes or babysit while you go to the store but (and this may come as a shock) I probably won’t think to offer to do the dishes or go to the store for you. However, I (probably) will if you ask.

3. It’s OK to dump the kid occasionally: It’s hard to imagine now but soon you’ll need some time away from the little sprout. Before you drop the kid off you should realize that – in spite of what you may believe – I have a life. On the other hand, I’ve never been a grandparent before and it will take a lot of imposing before I notice.

4. Ignore me: While my opinions and advice are unusually well reasoned and insightful you may – on very rare occasions – not find them useful. In that case you should feel free to ignore them. You should however remember that I did help raise you and look how well you turned out! Continue reading “Guest Blog: Top 10 tips to deal with me now that I’m a grandparent”

August 25, 2010July 29, 2010

Guest Blog: Parenting is my mindfulness practice

mindfulness This week’s guest blog is by Kendra:

My 14-month old son, Trent, has recently developed a new scream so incredibly grating that it defies description. It’s times like these that I am glad I have a mindfulness practice.

When I was in my early 20’s I lived in a Zen monastery for several years. Back then, mindfulness meant hours & hours of seated meditation and spending most of my time in silence & contemplation. Mindfulness meant bowing silently to my fellow monks instead of mindlessly asking, “hey, how you doing?” & raking the courtyard with such precision that every rake mark was parallel.

Once I left the monastery & moved to San Francisco, I meditated occasionally, I did some yoga, I tried to be mindful…but LIFE was always getting in the way: there was a business to build, parties to go to, friends to meet, and email to respond to. Who had the time to sit down and do nothing for an hour?!?!?

My son started re-teaching me mindfulness before he was even born: I had to take the time to make healthy meals, I had to remember to drink water, I had to take daily walks, and I had to get 8 hours of sleep every night – if I didn’t take care of myself, he let me know by way of nausea, headaches, full-body aches, and complete & utter exhaustion, this was not OK. He was teaching me to slow down, to listen, to silently bow to my experience instead of always being off to the next thing.

One of my yoga teachers has a saying, “You can pay me now, or you can pay me later.” And she’s not talking about money. Trent was teaching the value of paying upfront; the beauty of living life in the moment (and not having to worry when my credit would catch up to me).

For parents, the question remains: who has the time to sit still & do nothing for an hour?!?!?

And, so, my son is my mindfulness practice. Continue reading “Guest Blog: Parenting is my mindfulness practice”

August 11, 2010July 29, 2010

Guest Blog: “Vacationing” family style

happy family portrait having fun This week’s guest blog is by Mindy:

After I had my first baby my neighbor told me that I can no longer call it “going on vacation” if kids are involved, and that she refers to it as traveling or taking a trip. It took me a couple years and many attempts at vacationing with kids to fully grasp what she meant.

A vacation implies a break, and traveling with young kids, especially more than one, is anything but that. In fact, in nearly every way it is more difficult, more work, and more exhausting than staying home . Labeling the trip as a vacation is really just setting yourself up for disappointment as it seems even more painful to be up in the middle of the night with a crying baby or time-zone-wacked toddler when you’re paying $200 a night for the “experience” in lodging alone.

Here are some things that have helped add a little vacation to our trips:

Travel with extended family

Of course, this only works if you have family you like enough to be around AND they are good with your kids. But if you really think about it, you probably have at least someone who qualifies. Maybe a niece who likes kids and would love a free place to stay by the beach?

BK (before kids) I never would have considered bringing my mother along for a beach vacation with my husband as it would completely cramp the intimacy and probably drive me crazy, but now she’s the only hope we have of intimacy and I’m making it an annual thing!

If you’re inviting relatives, it’s best to be clear about everyone’s expectations up front (before booking the trip) including the financial side. If you are want help with the kids you need to make a clear request, such as “My husband and I can really use some alone time to reconnect, would you be willing to you watch the kids for two afternoons and one evening while we go out?”

Other Help

If you really can’t fathom the idea of vacationing with ANYONE you have a blood relationship with, seriously consider forking out the money to take along a babysitter or nanny. Some people will be happy to come along and provide a certain number of childcare hours as a trade if you are paying for part or all of their trip, especially if they can bring a friend or significant other. For us, it means we take far less vacations because they are more expensive when we’re paying for additional people, but since it’s so much more of a vacation WITH the help it’s worth it.

The holy grail of help is traveling where there are other kids for your kids to play with, so if there is any way to orchestrate this by traveling with another family (and perhaps bringing and splitting the cost of a nanny) go for it! Continue reading “Guest Blog: “Vacationing” family style”

July 14, 2010July 14, 2010

Sleep deprivation is no joke!

A_Very_Sleepy_Mom_Carrying_Her_Screaming_Baby_and_a_Bottle_Royalty_Free_Clipart_Picture_091013-003989-741053 About a year ago I read an interesting article in a magazine about a rat study that showed that rats that were deprived of sleep died sooner than rats that were deprived of food. Wow, I knew sleep was important, but I had no idea that going without it could actually kill animals faster than going without food would.

Sleep deprivation makes a huge impact on all sorts of brain functions. Recent studies have shown marked negative impacts on mood, cognitive performance and motor function in people who are sleep deprived. One study I read stated that “profound neurocognitive deficits accumulate over time” in people who are deprived of sleep.

If you’re a parent, I know you’ve experienced sleep deprivation on some level. It’s starting for me during the last month of pregnancy. And I know my sleep will be disrupted for many months to come as I breastfeed through the night.

Even when your kids are older, they wake up in the middle of the night vomiting or they wet the bed or they have a nightmare they can’t shake. And although it decreases as your kids get older, you’re likely to have some sleep deprivation when your kids are teenagers too, as you wait up for them or worry about them when they’re out at night.

So the question I propose is, what can we do about it? How can we mitigate some of the effects of sleep deprivation so that we can feel good, keep our wits about us, drive safely, and cook dinner without cutting or burning ourselves?

I have a few ideas. First, take naps. I don’t know about you, but in order to feel good about taking naps I had to work through a lot of beliefs that napping is “lazy” or “unproductive”. Now that I’ve seen the sleep deprivation research, I know that taking naps is neither lazy nor unproductive. And if it keeps me in a good mood and helps me have better motor coordination, I’d say it’s a pretty good solution to missing sleep at night.

So now you’re thinking, “That’s great, but who can find the time?!” Well, I’d say, it’s just like anything else in life, if it’s a high priority, you’ll make the time. And if you’re grumpy with your kids and you’re noticing that you can’t think straight, I think napping could become a high priority pretty quickly. You can nap when your kids nap, or take turns with your partner. Or, you can all nap together as a family. If you have kids who don’t want to nap, set them up with some quiet activities that they can do nearby and get some rest, or call a friend or sitter to come over and hang out with your kids while you nap. Continue reading “Sleep deprivation is no joke!”