Play – Page 2 – Awake Parent

August 3, 2011March 14, 2012

Why rough housing is good for kids

I get a lot of questions from concerned parents about rough housing, wrestling, and other physical play. Dads want to know if it’s OK to wrestle with their kids, and moms are concerned that somebody will inevitably get hurt. Often it seems that physical play of this sort does end with the younger or smaller child in tears. But as I was doing research for my thesis in 2007 I ran across some studies that changed my mind about so called “rough housing.”

One study in particular stands out in my mind. It was conducted on a playground where researchers observed boys playing a tackling game. Researchers thought that they would find the game to be violent and detrimental to kids, but they actually found just the opposite. They observed that in playing this seemingly violent game, rarely did anyone get hurt, and when someone did get hurt, the other boys reacted with caring and compassion toward their fallen playmate.

And, after failing to find what they were looking for, the researchers changed their tack and began to look for behaviors that showed kindness and caring, such as a pat on the back, a hug, or helping one another get up. They quickly realized that the vast majority of the interactions between the kids on the playground were those kind and caring gestures!

In fact, they further realized that it was because of the seemingly violent nature of the tackling game that kids were given more opportunities to offer a helping hand or a hug than they would have otherwise. So that’s when I realized, that with some clear ground rules, wrestling between kids or between kids and adults could actually be a really joyful and beneficial activity for everyone involved.

So the next time your child runs to you crying, “My brother hurt me!” you can see it as an opportunity to nurture and comfort your child (which builds your connection) AND as an opportunity to show an older child how to take even better care of his younger sibling (which will build their connection).

Now, I’m not recommending that you force your older child to offer disingenuous nurturing, rather, that you model for your children how to care for one another. I also think it’s useful to keep in mind that there have likely been lots of other moments when the older sibling did take care of the younger one, that you might not have seen. Of course, the opposite can also be true.

So, if you’re not sure what’s really going on between your kids, take some time to observe them together and keep a tally for yourself. How many times did they touch or hug in a loving way? How many times did they touch in a hurtful way? What was your favorite moment? Why? What kinds of things did they say to each other? Ideally, you would tuck yourself away in a corner and seem to ignore them, so that they can play normally, forgetting that you’re even in the room.

But do be careful not to allow your preconceived notions or biases to show up in your observations. An observation should be completely neutral and without judgment, such as “Carl jumped on the bed and Henrietta fell off,” rather than “Carl viciously knocked Henrietta off the bed.”

I mentioned ground rules earlier and here are the ones I like for wrestling and rough housing at my house:

1) We stop if someone gets hurt and help them

2) We stop when someone says stop

3) We only use our bodies and pillows (no hard objects)

4) We stay on the carpet or bed

I’m so curious, have you found rough housing to be a connecting activity at your house? What are your ground rules? Please share your wisdom with us!

And have a wonderful week, Shelly

June 15, 2011October 7, 2012

Calling all drama queens and comedians

School is out for the summer, which is great fun for the kids and a bunch of extra work and shuffling for you. It’s challenging to make the transition from having the kids in school all day to having them home, or finding enough activities to keep them busy and engaged.

Some children really thrive on a slow paced, relaxed, summer schedule. But other kids go a little bonkers when you take away the social outlet of school. If you’ve got a drama queen or a comedian on your hands, consider sending them to an acting camp.

Through my work with young people I’ve found that lots of kids who seem to be “acting out” or are “too wild” just need an appropriate outlet for their energy and enthusiasm about life. They need an activity that is both intellectually and physically challenging, so that they’re engaging many different parts of their brain. Acting camp could be just the thing these kids are craving.

During an acting camp, kids get to play fun games that teach them the basics of improvisation and acting. With those tools in their back pockets, many young people can redirect their “wild” energy into comedy improv, or putting on a production either by themselves, with friends or siblings, or with a church group or neighborhood group.

And, as their skills develop, you’ll enjoy their antics more and more, and they’ll get the positive attention they’re really craving. It’s really a win-win.

But if acting camp isn’t available in your area or doesn’t fit into your budget well, the internet is filled with information about super fun comedy improv games you can play with your family without any special training.

One of my favorite sites for that kind of information is Improv 4 Kids

Here are a few fun improv games off the top of my head:

1) Yes And- Go around the circle and create something fun like the most fun amusement park, the best sandwich, the ideal playground, or the coolest new invention. Each person adds an idea and then the next person exclaims, “YES!! And…” and adds another dimension to the vision.

2) Making up a silly song- This is easiest with a familiar tune and a list of words that rhyme. You might want to start off with Raffi’s “Down by the Bay” and then branch out when the kids have the hang of it.

3) Using props in interesting ways- Get some stuff from the kitchen and around the house and put it into a box. Set an egg timer and then let your child reach into the box, grab something and pretend it’s something else. Robin Williams is particularly good at this game!

So, I hope you’ll check out all the possibilities in your area for acting and improv classes for kids. Who knows, maybe you’ll spark a life long love of theatre! As always I would love to hear your thoughts and stories. Please leave me a comment! And have a wonderful week, Shelly

Oh, and I was interviewed in Inspired Lady Radio on Monday. If you’d like to listen to the show which features me and Lori Petro, go to BlogTalkRadio “Thanks, but this is my child“.

April 13, 2011April 14, 2012

The positive power of play

Every year here in Bend, OR we have “The week of the young child.” It’s a week of activities centered around child development in the first five years of life. Last night I went to a really great free event with several speakers who shared their passions about supporting child development. We heard a lot about pre-literacy and how to prepare young children for reading. But the speaker that moved me most talked about the importance of play in learning and development.

In humans, as in other animals, play is crucial to learning. When children engage in imaginary play they are acting out possible real life scenarios, practicing skills they’ll need as they mature, and processing experiences they’ve had. So, if we want to support our children’s learning and growth, it’s absolutely necessary that we play with them. I want to repeat that, because it’s not just that we ought to allow our children to play or invite their friends over to play with them. We actually need to get down on the floor and play with them.

Since parents, grandparents, and caregivers are a child’s greatest influence for the first three years of life, it’s critical that we help young people learn how to play. Until they’re three years old, most children will engage in more parallel play with their peers than real, engaged cooperative play. And since our neural pathways are forming beginning in utero, it is our ability to play with our babies and young children that informs their ability to play throughout their lives. And like it or not, their ability to play dramatically impacts their ability to learn other skills.

If you’re gasping for breath right now and thinking about how hard it is for you to play, don’t worry. There are lots of great ways to play that don’t require you to be an expert at comedy improv. Singing songs, reading books, acting out stories from books, rhyming, and dressing up in costumes are a few ideas to get you started.

My husband just created a fun game to play with our daughter last week. He noticed that she laughs when our dog makes a funny coughing sound so he imitated the sound and she laughed. By the next day SHE was making the sound and HE was laughing. Now we all take turns saying “Kack!” and we all giggle. Our daughter has already learned her first joke!

Many of the parents I’ve worked with are concerned about the “violent” play that their young boys engage in. So, I checked in with our resident expert and research psychologist, Amy Howell PhD. She says that children’s so called violent play is often not actually about violence. In imaginary play, killing and death can simply be a way to change the focus or begin a new scene.

She recommends asking your child direct questions about the game or imaginary play if you’re feeling concerned about the content but warns that parents are often too quick to interrupt. You may find that by waiting, it’ll soon become apparent that there’s no cause for concern.

If you’re still worried, try checking in, and you’ll likely learn that a magic potion will bring the character back to life, or that a new theme is about to emerge. She also stresses that we adults far too often see children’s imaginary play through our own adult perspective, and that’s just far too literal and with too little imagination.

You may find that by checking in, you’ll learn that a magic potion will bring the character back to life, or that a new theme is about to emerge. She also stresses that we adults far too often see children’s imaginary play through our own adult perspective.

I’ve found that young people often play at “killing” when they’re working through their feelings about their own power or the lack thereof. So, this week, as you support your child’s imaginary play, try either checking in, or waiting to see, rather than assuming you know what happens next in the story. And for extra credit, let your child be the director and play a part in his story to his exact specifications.

Have a wonderful week, Shelly

February 10, 2011

Got giggles?

I’m curious, is there enough laughter in your home? Do you often laugh and smile yourself? Do your kids joke and play happily together? Are there peals of laughter coursing through your hallways daily? If not, then it’s time for a laughter make-over in your home.

Laughter is one of my favorite ways to release pent up emotions. Sure, there are other ways like crying and anger release, but laughter is without a doubt the most fun emotional release for everybody in the household.

But how do you infuse your home with more joy and laughter? I’ve got some ideas I’d like to share with you.

1) Be super silly- A young child’s sense of humor is fairly undeveloped which makes it fairly easy to make them laugh. Doing something unexpectedly silly will often do the trick. I like to put funny hats on, talk in an accent, dance around the room shaking my head and arms wildly or just act a little bit crazy. Kids absolutely love it when we adults let loose and play with them in this way. You’ll know you’re on the right track when they’re looking at you like you’re nuts or they’re smiling and laughing. Continue reading “Got giggles?”

July 7, 2010

Creating the emotional state you want, it’s easier than you might think!

eva_summersault Today I want to share something I learned from NLP (otherwise known as neuro-linguistic programming) called a “state change”. We’re always in some sort of emotional state, whether happy, sad, excited, or frustrated. And often it feels like we’re at the whim of our emotions. When I’m frustrated it seems like there is no way to transform the frustration into something else. But there is! We can consciously create a “state change” in ourselves and often in others, pretty much any time we want!

Sounds too good to be true doesn’t it? Well, I assure you, I’ve used this technique countless times with kids and with myself and it really works! But, how does it work? Well, here’s the thing, the body and the emotions are directly linked to each other. When we feel sad, we look down, hunch our shoulders, pout and stay still. On the other hand, when we feel happy and excited, we throw our shoulders back, look up, smile and move our bodies!

The trick is realizing that the conversation between the body and the emotions is a two way street. Not only does our body reflect how we’re feeling, but our feelings reflect how we’re holding our bodies!

Try this the next time you’re feeling down. Find a brightly lit room, look up at the ceiling, smile your biggest smile and think about something you love. Now how do you feel? It’s almost impossible to continue feeling sad when your shoulders are back, you’re looking up, smiling and thinking of something you love or enjoy! You can try the opposite too (although it’s less fun).

Sometime when you’re feeling great, try hunching your shoulders, looking down at the ground, and thinking about something really sad. You’ll almost immediately start to feel sadness.

So, how can you use this two way street to your advantage? You can actually tell your emotions what to feel by holding your body in a certain way! Continue reading “Creating the emotional state you want, it’s easier than you might think!”