Awake Parent – Page 35 – with Shelly Birger Phillips

March 24, 2011April 28, 2011

Hypnosis, one of my new favorite tools

Have you ever found yourself ruminating about things, going over and over the experiences of your day, beating yourself up about the way you talked to your child, and not able to relax to sleep at night? Well, I occasionally find that relaxing to sleep is difficult for me, but I have found a wonderful solution! Self-hypnosis helps me turn off my mind and relax my body enough to go to sleep. It has also been helping me handle the pain I experience during nursing.

I first learned self-hypnosis during my pregnancy through my Hypnobabies birthing class. Through the use of guided CDs we created a “switch” that I can now use to turn off the muscles of my body and completely relax. It’s one of the best skills I’ve learned in the past year.

So now, whenever I find myself ruminating or tense when I’d rather be relaxing, I simply “turn off” and instantly relax my entire body. Amazingly, the process of turning off my muscles seems to naturally relax my thoughts too!

I have struggled with pain during my entire nursing experience. For the first 9 weeks of my daughter’s life the pain was so excruciating that I would bite my hand in order to take my attention away from my nipples. And now, more than 7 months into nursing, I still have days when my daughter’s mouth feels like a vice clamp.

It took me a while, but in the past few weeks I suddenly remembered what I learned in my birthing class and have been practicing “turning off” when I begin to nurse. Wow, what a difference! Instead of leaving a nursing session in pain and tension, I actually feel relaxed and refreshed. And I’m certain that my milk is flowing more easily now that I’m more relaxed too.

So, how does this apply to you? Well, you might think that self-hypnosis is difficult, takes lots of training, or wouldn’t be possible for you, but I’ve learned that we are in a state of hypnosis often throughout our day, we just might not recognize it. Continue reading “Hypnosis, one of my new favorite tools”

March 10, 2011April 28, 2011

Embracing special needs

I recently got an email from a mom who enjoys my newsletter but who sometimes feels left out because her child has special needs. While I do tend to offer guidelines about ages and stages of development I hope that every parent can adjust those guidelines to their particular child.

Children learn and develop differently and it’s not a competition, instead, each child is learning and growing at his own rate. Part of our job as parents, caregivers, and educators is to identify where a specific child is capable and comfortable, where he is challenged, and what’s next. You can do this with anyone, not just children, and it certainly applies to children who have special needs and different ways of learning.

In the Montessori schools I’ve worked at in the past we often had children who were diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, and learning disabilities. Luckily, the Montessori classroom is specifically designed to meet the needs of a wide range of abilities and interests. And, as a parent, you have a unique knowledge of who your child is and where her next challenge lies. Just by helping your child identify the next steps and challenges in her development, you’re teaching her skills for how to work with her unique brain and body to grow and learn. Every child has a desire to learn, grow, and contribute.

But if you’re a parent of a child who is on the autism spectrum you may feel confused about how to help your child and overwhelmed by conflicting information. Continue reading “Embracing special needs”

March 2, 2011April 28, 2011

Guest blog: Eating Together- Make it a Priority for Your Family

This guest blog is by Kitty Holman:

Well hello, 21st century. In this day and age, we are lucky if our kids can look up from their iPhones to tell us how their day went. With a constant flux of new inventions and technologies to make our lives “easier,” we are spending more and more time away from our families. But there is at least one time of the day that can be set aside from the hustles, bustles, and stresses that encompass our lives. Meal time is a natural choice. We all have to eat, and as a naturally social species, we like to do so with other people. However, traditional family dinners are dwindling and quickly becoming unconventional. Taking forty five minutes to an hour out of your day to eat as a family has great nutritional and social benefits. Most importantly, it will create a more permanent bond with your children.

Move Over Happy Meal: Good Nutrition is in Town

Many studies have proven that children and adolescents who eat at least one meal together as a family are less likely to be obese or substance abusers in adulthood. Furthermore, those that eat fruits and vegetables as adolescents are more likely to eat them regularly during adulthood. Making healthy decisions for your family’s meals have long lasting impacts. Continue reading “Guest blog: Eating Together- Make it a Priority for Your Family”

February 23, 2011April 28, 2011

Understanding willful toddlers

I’m generally a happy and optimistic person. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had dark moments, but for the most part I enjoy my life and am grateful for it. However, when I’m with a toddler who seems intent on pushing my buttons, I am hating life. It seems like no matter what I do to please the little tyrant, I’m still fending off testing behavior hour after hour.

Here are a few empowering thoughts, assumptions, questions, and some dialogue that have helped me change gears and reconnect with a young person after I’ve felt frustrated or hurt:

Q: My 20 mo. old son is throwing things in clear defiance of my wishes. It seems like he WANTS to upset me.

New interpretation: He’s just asking to play.

Challenge: How can we make it a safe/fun/mutual game?

Inside Shelly’s head:

Oh no, he’s going to throw that. “Stop!”, He throws it anyway and aims at something breakable but misses. “Wow, I’m so glad you aimed away from the flower pot! That flowerpot is fragile and breakable and it would be expensive to replace it. Hmmm, I wonder what would be good to throw something at…Oh! I know! Let’s throw beanbags into the special hole we made! I want the red beanbag, which one do you want? I’m going to throw it into the hole. Can you make it into the hole? C’mon! Let’s go get the beanbags!”

Q: My 18 mo. old daughter uses a blood curdling scream when she wants attention and sometimes for no reason that we know of. Continue reading “Understanding willful toddlers”

February 16, 2011April 28, 2011

The art of receiving

As a parent, we give and give and give to our kids. And then we turn around and notice our friends, partners or other family members and we give some more. Then after giving all we can, we collapse into a heap at the end of the day whining about how we never have enough time to ourselves. I get it. I’ve been there. But I think we each create our reality and we’re actually responsible for creating the lives we want. So then I reach out, ask for help, and create support systems.

The problem is that when someone is willing to help me, I actually have to be able to accept that help. I’m better at it now, but receiving hasn’t always been easy for me. Sure, I was good at receiving physical gifts, but I wasn’t so great at receiving compliments or acts of service from my friends and family. I used to energetically push those gifts away by minimizing, deflecting, or reassuring people that I had everything handled.

And then I had an epiphany. I realized that just as I love to help, so do other people. I noticed that when I was able to contribute to someone else’s wellbeing, my heart sang and then my heart immediately sank as I remembered all the times that I had been unwilling to receive help and support from others. Continue reading “The art of receiving”