The art of conscious ignoring

November 4, 2009March 5, 2012

The art of conscious ignoring

Photo by Juliet Cook

I’ve talked a lot here about giving kids attention but I haven’t yet shared about the art of conscious ignoring. Well, I really do think there’s a time and place for everything and ignoring your kids can sometimes be the best choice in a given moment.

For instance, if you’re about to escalate a conflict, yell at them, curse, or otherwise treat them in ways you don’t want to, try ignoring instead. By ignoring their behavior, you’re sending the message, I don’t like what you’re doing and you won’t get my attention by behaving in that way. read more

September 2, 2009March 2, 2012

One simple trick for hard times: Imagine how you want it to go

Learn how to keep peace of mind and a sense of control during your kids' worst moments.

April 1, 2009March 2, 2012

Got a wild child? Give ‘em more responsibility!

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but working in preschools has taught me that when kids act out, it’s often because they’re bored and want attention from us. I’ve noticed that when I give these kids MORE responsibility, jobs to do, and tasks to complete (without being too ATTACHED to them actually accomplishing the task) they respond by becoming more driven and successful.

This creates a positive cycle in which:
1) You notice some behaviors you don’t like.
2) Rather than focusing on those behaviors, you offer alternatives in the form of tasks, jobs, or responsibilities (careful here though, these must be tasks that would be nice to have done, but which are true requests- not demands).

February 25, 2009March 2, 2012

Conscious television: Four ways to avoid guilt and get more in the groove with the tube

Every household with a TV (and I daresay that's most) gets to make choices about when the TV gets turned on, what gets watched, and what kind (if any) of interactions adults and kids have around the content.

February 4, 2009March 2, 2012

Use your words, Mama! How to be vulnerable AND strong with your kids

I now have great sympathy for whomever said, “Children should be seen and not heard.” Sometimes it feels like the last thing I can manage is to process yet another whine, yell or insult at the end of a long day. It’s times like those I want to reach for an “off” button. Or to borrow Shelly’s patience :-).

While responding to Jasmine’s comment last week, I started thinking about the different ways I handle behaviors that challenge me. While there are probably an infinite number of ways I respond, I can think of two main ways: vulnerable and controlling.

A simple way of breaking it down is, sometimes, when I feel sad, angry or frustrated, I feel myself opening, expanding, and dropping down into the feeling. Sort of an “Ahhhhhh” sense to it. That’s the vulnerable way.

Other times, I feel myself contracting, pushing the feeling aside and trying to control the situation. More of “Spit-spot, let’s go!”-Mary Poppins sort of feel to it. (Well, on a good day.) read more