Conscious Parenting – Page 7

November 17, 2010November 17, 2010

The importance of observation

When it comes to babies, at my core, I am a scientist. The process children go through as they transform from a fetus into a walking talking human child in just the first 2 years of life fascinates me. It’s absolutely incredible really. As a scientist, I want to understand all I can about this amazing process. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned that is the same in both my scientific and my Montessori backgrounds, it’s that observation is the key to understanding child development.

My daughter has Erb’s palsy brought on by her shoulder dystocia during birth. At first I didn’t notice anything wrong, and since most babies heal on their own without any intervention, I just assumed she would too. She did seem to prefer to use her right arm and hand, but I didn’t know that wasn’t normal.

We have a wonderful pediatric physical therapist who is teaching me all about arm, shoulder and hand development in infants. She’s taught me that at three months old, Julia shouldn’t have a handedness or preference for one side over the other. So, I started paying closer attention to the specific movements we’re looking for and truly comparing her arm and hand development on the left with the development of the right. Much to my amazement there are differences that had gone unnoticed by me in the past. Although she’s starting to use her left arm more and more, she does raise her right arm above her head more often than she does with her left.

So, what does this have to do with you and with parenting in general? My point is that if we’re not paying close attention to the physical, emotional, and social development of our kids, things can slip through the cracks unnoticed. We have to take the time to actually pay attention to where kids are developmentally in order to know that they’re on track and, more importantly, in order to know how to challenge and encourage them to develop further. Continue reading “The importance of observation”

November 4, 2010

Moving toward sustainability

Considering our environmental impact and moving toward sustainability is something that every modern day aware parent is faced with, but sometimes the task can seem daunting and it can be difficult to tell whether we’re really making a difference.

Finding out what your carbon footprint is can be a great jumping off point. There is a list of 15 carbon calculators here http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/climate-change/stories/the-15-best-carbon-calculators# You’ll find that car travel, air travel, and household power are often the largest contributors to your family’s carbon footprint. You can do things like wash clothes in cold, change your light-bulbs to the new more efficient compact fluorescent bulbs, and lower your household heat by 5 degrees.

But there are a few other ideas which don’t appear in many of these calculators that I want to share with you. By living consciously in our relationship to the environment, we can teach kids to consider their impact on the Earth and maybe get them to turn off the water when they’re brushing their teeth or compost their apple cores. Before we know it, these kids will be all grown up and dealing with the biggest environmental challenges humans have ever seen. So let’s do what we can to start them off on the right foot. Continue reading “Moving toward sustainability”

September 8, 2010June 20, 2018

Guest Blog: Conscious parenting: A stepparent’s perspective

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This week’s guest blog is from my stepdad Jim:

As a person “of a certain age,” I have to admit to an occasional bit of amusement at Shelly’s parenting tips. Some seem a little odd (as I suppose my ideas about parenting seemed to my parents) and some just seem like old ideas dressed up in new words. But the basic theme of this blog, Conscious Parenting, isn’t a concept I ‘d encountered before and it’s one that has a lot of meaning for me as both a stepparent and a biological one.

I believe that being Shelly’s stepdad helped me be a much better parent when my son came along later. I believe that because, in my experience, becoming a stepparent is a much more conscious decision than becoming a parent the old-fashioned, biological way. It may seem counter-intuitive but think about it.

When you meet someone with a child and decide whether the relationship is worth pursuing, the presence of the kid is a major factor in your decision. And the kid usually isn’t just a cute little, happy paperweight of a baby but a complex, confounding and totally unique individual. The developing relationship isn’t just hugs and kisses; it’s a tricky three-way negotiation of how you will fit into a preexisting family unit. By the time you walk down the aisle you have a pretty good idea of what you’re getting into and you know when you say, “I do” you’re committing to parenting as well as marriage.

Contrast that with the way we become biological parents (and I’m not talking about the mechanics here). We talk about “starting a family” or “having children” but rarely do we ask our spouse or ourselves if we want to become parents. Once we’ve decided to have kids (assuming things work out) we have nine crazy months to plan for the birth, hold showers and decorate the baby’s room. We might even take a “parenting” class but the odds are the class will focus on infants and probably substitute an inanimate doll for the baby.

While we might occasionally lose sleep over the sudden realization that, “OMG, I’m going to be a parent,” we usually get past it without really coming to grips with what that means.

Personally, I didn’t accept the reality of parenting my son until one night when he was a couple of months old and I found myself standing in the parking lot of the local grocery store tossing Pampers (forgive me for I have sinned) into the trunk of my car. As I stood there, staring at the Pampers and wondering, “How the heck did this happen?” I realized I once again had a commitment to make: accept the responsibility to parent my child or run from it (figuratively or literally). I pulled myself together and drove home.

Whether you’re a step, biological, foster, adoptive or some other type of parent, that commitment to parent (rather than just be a parent) is the core of Conscious Parenting. And it’s not a commitment you make once and move on, but one that needs to be continually and consciously renewed as your child grows and changes and offers you the chance to grow and change with her.

Please share your thoughts about your own parenting journey in the comment box below.

And have a good week,

James Cook

Jim is Shelly’s stepfather and a grandparent. When he’s not busy spoiling the kids (or Shelly) he’s running for the Deschutes County Board of Commissioners

James Cook
www.cookfordeschutes.com
cookfordeschutes@gmail.com
facebook.com/cookfordeschutes/

July 21, 2010November 30, 2012

A Special Letter to My Soon to Be Born Baby

Lowres-4-cropped When I was a teenager I was flipping through my baby book and I saw a letter my mom had written to me before I was born. It was sweet and heartfelt and at that moment I knew on a deeper level how very wanted I was and how special I was to my mom even before she met me for the first time. It has always been important to me that I make a conscious choice to become a parent and that I wait until I’m really ready to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. So here I am, just two weeks away from my “guess date” and I’ve decided to write a letter to my baby to welcome him or her.

I notice that the closer I get to giving birth, the more my thoughts are turning inward. I’m beginning to focus on the center of my universe more than ever before. I’m preparing my nest, connecting with my husband, and enjoying the quiet alone times. So, rather than sharing some new parenting tip or technique, this week, I’m just sharing from my own heart. I’m glad to know that I can share so personally here along with all the other ways I share. And I hope you enjoy this special blog. So, here’s my letter to my about to be born baby.

Dear Baby,

Wow, you’re almost here and we are so excited to finally meet you. Your dad and I have been waiting for you for 9 long months and pretty soon we’ll get to see you, touch you, and gaze into your beautiful eyes. I’m especially looking forward to holding you in my arms and nuzzling your sweet smelling head. Let’s spend hours together just cuddling, nursing, sleeping, and enjoying life together.

I can’t wait to be your mama. I’ve been preparing for motherhood since I was a young girl and I feel so ready to welcome you into my life. I’ve studied everything I could about how to be a good parent, how to help you learn and grow, and how to be the best example I can be for you. I’ve even practiced by taking care of lots of other babies and kids, but really it was all for you. Taking care of you and teaching you how to take good care of yourself sounds like the most fun and rewarding thing I could possibly do in my life. Thanks for helping me fulfill my life’s purpose. Continue reading “A Special Letter to My Soon to Be Born Baby”