Tag: creating the life you want

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Guest Post: Making Meal Planning Easy

Everyone says meal planning saves money, and they’re right, it does. But when I began planning meals, I hated it. Yes, I saved a significant amount of both time and money, but it was such a chore. Planning all sorts of different meals for days, weeks, even a month in advance just seemed so daunting. How do you pull that out of thin air?Well, you don’t. You use the pantry principle.The pantry principle entails making a list of every food item I have or would like to have in my home on a regular basis and shopping only to replace those items. Then, I make meal plans based on what I already have on hand.It’s really quite simple, which is just how I like it. Here’s the run-down of how I do it:
Keep it simple

I focus on incorporating a lot of fresh produce. Rather than eating new and exciting adaptogen supplements and veggies every week, I focus on getting more of the same ones into our diet.

My grocery list has less than ten veggies on it. That may not seem like much, but we eat them fresh and we eat them often. They can also be mixed and matched and cooked several different ways.  And I do make a point to rotate in seasonal items.

Stock your pantry

I look at weekly ads stores put out, but I don’t let them determine what I purchase or what meals I make. If I do see one of my staple items at a great price, I stock up.

Is meal planning really necessary then if I’m just stocking my pantry? Yes. Meal planning saves me from buying too much. (I have the tendency to shop for food as if I’m going to feed a dozen people.) I don’t want anything to go bad and it helps save money.

Make a meal list

Write down all of the meals that you enjoy. Now compare the ingredients for those meals with the foods on your pantry list. 

Can you make most of those meals while sticking with the foods on the list? Are there meals you would love to eat more often, but include ingredients you don’t have? Maybe it’s time to add those ingredients so you can enjoy those foods more often. Lastly, what meals can you tweak using ingredients you have on hand?

Don’t forget breakfast, snacks and lunch. Those usually involve less variety or leftovers for us.

Put in on paper

Now that you have a list of meals you love, take a blank calendar page and fill in the blanks. It’s really that simple. Don’t know where to start? Just start filling in random days. Or fill the meals in alphabetically and start over when you get to the last item. This was one of my biggest obstacles because I put too much thought into it.

Be flexible

Write the meals in with pencil. If you change your mind, it’s ok. Maybe your significant other doesn’t like a suggestion or you forgot one of your favorite meals. The plan isn’t set in stone – it’s just there to relieve some stress and free you to do other things that matter more.

It’s ok to eat the same food on a regular basis if you love it. I give you permission to resist any pressure that says you need to eat 30 different meals each month. You can always change it up completely next month.

Do you have a tip for simplifying meal planning? Please share it!

Nina Nelson is a wellness advocate, mama to four and wife to one. She writes regularly at Shalom Mama, helping moms make natural health simple and sustainable. She loves reading, snuggling and giggling at miniature horses. She just released her new book, Simple Natural Health, a resource that simplifies natural wellness.

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New Parent Social Isolation

Wow, I feel like I’ve recently emerged from a long winter’s sleep. My daughter is now 15 months old and suddenly in the past month or two I’ve realized how utterly socially isolated and disconnected I’ve been. I’ve barely talked to my dearest friends, I haven’t been out of the house much at all, and I definitely haven’t been outside of my comfort zone.

And I think all of that is perfectly OK and natural for a new parent. It’s a lot of hard work to nurture an infant and it felt perfectly right for me to throw myself into motherhood so fully and completely. But now that I’m emerging from the haze of my daughter’s infancy I’m reminded that it’s my commitment to my highest values that will most positively impact her life.

So, if I value authentic relating and community, then I’d better step up and start acting like it again! After I gave birth to my daughter I was amazed at how little anything else mattered any more. It was like everything that had mattered the most in my life was reduced to a tiny sliver of importance and my daughter took up 99.9% of everything that mattered to me. I can feel that shifting now.

Sure, my family is HUGELY important to me. And nurturing and supporting my husband and daughter are some of the things that matter most. But there’s a new space opening up in me that still cares about the things that mattered BEFORE parenthood. Community. Authenticity. Honesty. Facing my fears bravely. Showing up BIG in my life. Fiercely supporting my clients to make big changes in their lives.

I’ve been gone for a while. I’ve been doing what I’ve needed to do to lay a strong foundation of love and trust between my child and me. But I’m ready to step out of my comfortable little nest and make an even bigger difference in the world. It’s important to me that I continue to learn, grow, and stretch. Because reaching out and challenging myself gives me a sense of purpose and joy. I also deeply want my daughter to live a passionate and inspired life. And I know that the best way to ensure that is to model it for her, myself.

So, fair warning, I’m about to bust out and share even more of myself with you and with the world. Goodbye ‘New Parent Social Isolation’ and Hello World!

I would love to know if this was your experience of the first year of your child’s life. Did you hibernate? And was there a time when you suddenly felt ready to re-engage socially? I want to hear your story!

Tons of love, Shelly

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Eradicate Sibling Rivalry

I’ve had a few parents asking me about how to transform sibling rivalry so today I want to share an idea of something very specific and powerful that you can do to go from tension, fighting, and frustration to peace, love and happiness between siblings.

The bad news is it’s completely up to you to set the tone of your household and to maintain your commitment to having a peaceful and loving home life.  The good news is, your children WILL follow your lead easily and naturally.

I have a whole curriculum on this topic which is under development and it’s way too much to go into today, but I wanted share the tip that has made the  biggest difference for the parents I’ve worked with.

Conspiring with your family to lavish one another with acts of kindness. 

This one activity can completely change the energy of your home from competition and animosity to collaboration and kindness.   So how do you begin?

First, consider each member of your family and come up with a nice thing you and your child or children can do for them.  At first it’s helpful to make a list so that you can keep track of the kind acts you plan to infuse into your home.  After you’ve gotten some momentum going, these kinds of acts will become second nature and will happen spontaneously and often in your home, even without your direct participation.  Your list might look something like this:

  • Attack Dad with hugs, kisses, and “I love you’s” on Sunday morning
  • Make a crown and magic wand for Rachel and then do her bidding for 15min.
  • Tell Jason 3 things we appreciate about him
  • Cheer for Dad when he gets back from his run
  • Let Connor choose his favorite dinner
  • Pretend to be a magic genie and give Claire three wishes
  • Take out the trash for Jason (or do another chore for him)
  • Read a story to Claire
  • Hide a surprise gift for Connor in his closet
  • Pick flowers and arrange them for Mom
  • Play basketball with Connor and Rachel
  • Send a thank you note to Grandma

Once you have a good-sized list of acts of kindness, breathe and relax and remember that your family will help you do these things.  You are not alone and it’s not your job to DO all of these things.  Your work is to come up with some initial ideas and help your whole family implement them.

Next, choose an item on the list and go to one or more of your children to begin to conspire with them to offer this act of kindness.  This might sound something like this:

“Hey Jason, are you busy right now?  I have an idea of something sweet we can do for Claire.  Would you like to help me pamper her?”  If your child isn’t interested, that’s OK, just go to another family member and ask.

You may want to begin by lavishing the child who is in the most distress or who exhibits the most animosity toward others.  Remember that picking fights or lashing out is an indicator that your child is needing something.  So, by offering your love, kindness, and generosity to the child who seems to deserve it least, you’re doing a couple of things.

First, you’re modeling for your whole family how you’re committed to treating one another, no matter what THEY DO.  You are lavishing your child with love and affection for being his wonderful self even after he has lashed out at his sister because you know that he is innately good and kind, he has just temporarily lost his ability to show it.

Second, you’re nurturing a person who clearly needs your love and attention,  and you’re teaching your whole family to see unkind outbursts as a signal of need, rather than something to be punished for or retaliated against.

This sets up a positive cycle in your home in which negativity and hurtfulness are quickly bombarded with loving attention.  And amazingly, giving love to your reactive child can actually eradicate the underlying unmet needs and allow the child to regain his own sense of kindness and generosity.

I’m curious, have you ever tried anything like this before?  How did it go?  Do you have questions or concerns about implementing this?  Please leave me a comment below.

And have a fantastic day, Shelly

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Nursing, co-sleeping, and having great sex

I’ve been reading a bunch of stuff online lately about nursing and co-sleeping becoming a wedge between parents and negatively affecting their sex lives.  Sure, sleeping with a baby causes us to change the timing and sometimes the location of sex, but my husband and I have found a great way to keep romance alive while I’m nursing and co-sleeping with our daughter.  We like to call it “date nap”.

I had thought that my daughter would be a more sound sleeper than she is.  Both her father and I LOVE to sleep, but she seems more worried about missing out on things than concerned about her beauty sleep and she tends to awaken at least once and sometimes several times in the evening.  Since I often nurse her back to sleep at that time, having a date night and leaving her with a sitter, hasn’t been an option that I’m willing to try.

Honestly, these days I’d really rather be home with my daughter than out on the town, but skipping date night all together sounds like a recipe for disaster in our marriage.  We absolutely love spending time just the two of us.  So, we came up with a solution that works well for us- date nap.  Whether it’s during the day on the weekend or in the evening after she’s in bed, my husband and I watch movies, soak in the hot tub, talk, and have sex, while our daughter peacefully sleeps.

I can see how this would become even more challenging if we had an older child who was no longer napping, but I still think that if we prioritize our romantic relationships, we can enjoy thriving sex lives AND raise confident, self-assured, well attached kids.   That is to say, I can continue to nurse on demand and co-sleep with my daughter without jeopardizing my marriage.

In fact, my husband is just as committed to our nursing and to everyone getting the best possible sleep as I am.  So he’s willing to get creative about our love life in order to ensure the best start for our daughter.  If I’m honest, I think he actually enjoys the fact that we have to sneak around and sometimes end up in unusual locations.  It’s always a good idea to change things up once in a while, we wouldn’t want to get into a rut!

So this week, take stock, is your sex life suffering because of your commitment to your kids?  If so, is there a way you can integrate great sex back into your life even while you remain true to your parenting values?  I would love to hear what you think about “date nap” and would enjoy any other suggestions you have for keeping your sex life alive and vibrant while raising kids.  Please leave me a comment.

Have a wonderful, sensual, fun, and connected week, Shelly

P.S. If you’re in the SF Bay area (or are willing to travel there), my friends Erwan and Alecia have a fantastic live course called the Pleasure Course that will completely transform your sex life and help you experience more connection and pleasure than you ever knew was possible.  Seriously, these guys are the real deal.

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Don’t “should” on me!

Language is a powerful thing.  I’m constantly amazed at how simple word choices can make such a huge difference in my everyday life.  For instance, if I think to myself, “I can’t…” I feel deflated and ineffectual, but when I think, “I choose not to…” I feel inspired and powerful.

We each make choices about which words we’ll use to describe our lives every single day.  Don’t we all have a friend who almost constantly whines and complains?  Or know someone who uses language that is offensive to us?  I do my best to be hyper aware of my language and which words I choose to use.   I want to use words that are empowering and inspiring as much as possible, especially around my daughter.

When I first became aware of my word choices and their power, I noticed that I apologized a LOT.  I said “I’m sorry” dozens of times a day. I also discovered that I was afraid to speak up, worried about taking up too much space, and I rarely expressed myself very powerfully.  In a way, I was apologizing for my very being!  But it didn’t feel very good, so I systematically trained myself to stop apologizing habitually, and now I only apologize when I really mean it.

As I continued to explore consciously choosing my words, I realized there was a very specific word that I actually despise.  The word is “should.”  Every time I heard the word “should” I was reminded of other people’s expectations for me, and all the times I had been externally motivated.  I realized that I had been living my life to please other people, but I wasn’t really enjoying it at all! So I began working to develop a strong internal motivation, a clear inner sense of yes and no,  and I abolished the word “should” from my vocabulary.

My friends and I worked together to remind one another when “should” crept back into our language by stopping and saying, “Did you just ‘should’ on me?!”  Bringing a little bit of humor to our mission to abolish “should” made it a fun game that we could all play together.  And it really helped to have the support of people who were all committed to conscious word choices.  By the way, if you want an easy and empowering word replacement, try “could” instead of “should.”  It works almost all of the time!

Now that I’m a mom, I’m reminded yet again how important it is to be aware of the words we use when we talk to our kids.  Of course tone of voice, affect, and energy are often even more important than word choice.  But I still think it’s worthwhile to pay attention to the words we use.

After all, our kids will surely parrot those words back to us, and who really wants their 4 year old saying, “Mommy, you should eat your vegetables before your chocolate.”  Personally, I would much rather hear someone ask me if I would or could, rather than telling me that I should.  Don’t the young people in our lives deserve that same respect from their elders?  I sure think so!

I would love to know what you think about the word “should” and it’s impact on young people.  Please share your opinion or story below!

Thanks for being here and have a great day, Shelly

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