discipline – Page 3 – Awake Parent

November 23, 2010November 23, 2010

Holiday family time

Ahh, the joys of the holidays, we get to travel far distances and celebrate with people we may or may not like very much, all in the name of family togetherness. Luckily for me, I adore pretty much everyone in my family, but I know that’s not the case for everyone. And even though I love my family, the stresses of traveling with a baby are not something I’m looking forward to.

I’ve heard from my clients that the holidays are often more stressful than fun and tend to disrupt children’s routines and rhythms, making it difficult to get back into the groove once they return home. I’m not sure what there is to do about that except to try your best to stick to the routine as much as possible even when you’re in a different time zone.

I do, however, have some great tips for how to handle potential conflicts that may arise after everyone has a few drinks under their belts, and how to deal with the “suggestions” you’ll inevitably encounter as your family members observe your parenting style.

For starters, get clear about why you’re doing the things you’re doing BEFORE aunt Margie tells you about how when she was raising her kids she swatted them with switches and they never “back talked” again. Here are some ways to maintain your own parenting style and share it with your family compassionately. Continue reading “Holiday family time”

August 4, 2010July 30, 2010

Guest Blog: So, Who’s Calling the Shots? And How?

brar01_kazdin This week’s guest blog is by Kheyala:

I was a kid – a very good kid – who knew what it was like to be raised on a very short leash. For this reason, when I had my own little one, I was more than committed to allowing her the freedom which I had been denied. The trouble was, by the time she’d reached a year and a half, I found myself with a little tyrant running my house. Or should I say her house!

I thought to myself, “Oh my gosh. I cannot imagine what the ‘terrible twos’ will bring, let alone the teenage years, when this is what I’ve got to reckon with now!” That was the moment this insight came to me; a beautiful, timeless insight that remains true to this day (she’s 12 now) and has proved since to be just as extraordinarily effective and beneficial for every other child who as fallen under my care.

I must meet this young person’s energy directly, in equal measure to what is coming at me. Not one ounce more – or I’m the bully and that’s painful to us all – and not one ounce less, or she’s the one running the show, and at 18 months she is not yet qualified to run the show!

If you tune in to your own body as well as to the child’s after having met his or her energy directly and equally, I am certain you will experience the same visceral relief that I do. Whenever the force is met with equal measure, it neutralizes it. The child will actually relax in that neutrality. After all, it’s tough to run the world!

In that moment, the little person will know he or she is safe and that someone else who is wise and capable is now holding down the fort. All is well. And you, too, will relax in your own power-sans-aggression, your own natural place in the universe as the human being in the room with the most life experience. Continue reading “Guest Blog: So, Who’s Calling the Shots? And How?”

May 26, 2010September 27, 2017

Setting boundaries with kids

boy In my parenting coaching I get a lot of questions from parents about how to discipline effectively and what to do instead of time-outs, spanking, yelling and other common discipline tactics.

When I think about the word “discipline” I think it sets up a disconnecting power dynamic where I’m in charge all of the time and the kids in my life must do what I say, or “behave”, and submit to my dominance.

On the other hand, without any “discipline” I imagine complete chaos and no sense of leadership. So, instead of discipline, I like to talk about setting boundaries.

We all need boundaries whether with ourselves, our parents, children, employers or employees. It’s healthy to have and keep clear boundaries, but somehow, many of us have never learned to recognize, implement, and maintain healthy boundaries.

I just read the novel “The Undomestic Goddess” by Sophie Kinsella. It was a fun read but what struck me the most about it was how few boundaries the main character had at the beginning of the book. Samantha was a high-powered lawyer at a leading Houston lawyer firm. She was going for partner and as a result, she was available to her law firm 24/7. No kidding. The woman couldn’t even put her blackberry down for an hour to get a massage! She was the epitome of someone without any healthy boundaries and without a life of her own. Instead, she was completely owned by her law firm!

Do you ever feel owned by your kids and family? Have you forgotten to set boundaries and maintain a healthy sense of self? Well this week it’s time to turn it around. Continue reading “Setting boundaries with kids”