How to handle tantrums lovingly

Confused about how to deal with tantrums? I sure was. I couldn’t figure out why my students or charges would just flip out over seemingly trivial things like the color of their socks. There were times when I changed the color of a child’s cup so many times I had a huge pile of dishes by the end of lunch. Sometimes I felt like I was dealing with a crazy person.

I KNOW you’ve experienced this. One minute, things are fine and the next, your child is screaming, throwing herself on the floor and crying so hard she can hardly even catch her breath to tell you what happened. Then, when you finally discover what set her off, you’re left wondering how that could possibly matter enough to create such a huge reaction.

As a parent or caregiver experiencing a child’s tantrum, we can feel confused, powerless, and overwhelmed. I’ve often thought, “Oh no! What went wrong? And how can I get her to stop?”

But after experiencing more and more tantrums, I began to discover that getting kids to stop isn’t always the most connecting thing we can do. Not only that, but when kids freak out, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Continue reading “How to handle tantrums lovingly”

My child is scared of so many things…

Wow–that was an experience–recording my first video blog! Apparently I have a bunch of technical things to learn. Let’s see how much better my second one gets.

But enough about me. Karin, one of our readers, had a question about responding to her child, who gets scared of lots of different things. I loved thinking out loud about this. Here’s my response:

 

This is just a beginning. You can hear Shelly and I talk at length on a broad range of topics involving feelings, ours and our children’s, in our new audio program, Perspectives on Feelings.

Please let us know what you think!

Warmly,

Jill

What if they only say “I love you” when they get what they want?

Hey Everybody, Jill and I are gearing up for the big launch of the Perspectives on Feelings audio program. So, we thought we’d start by answering some of your specific questions about how to deal with feelings and how kids express their feelings. In this video I describe some things that Marcella can try with her stepson to encourage him to express himself even more authentically.

I hope you enjoyed my short video about how to give kids even more insight into their own feelings. Please let me know what you think! Oh, and keep an eye out for Jill’s first video next week…

“I’m rubber, you’re glue…” Ways of responding to name-calling

Lately my son has been telling me some new things, including…

“I hate you!”, “I hate you both!” (to his dad and me), “You’re making me starve!” (when I won’t cook a second or third dinner) and “You’re a poo-poo head!”

I hadn’t heard these things from him until recently.

Well now, the “poo-poo head” is getting to have her say. Read on.

I have to admit, these new things he’s saying are taking me aback. Mostly I think it’s because there’s a level of directedness toward me that wasn’t there before. It’s hard not to take it personally and react accordingly.

Maybe if he were a real leopard cub, he’d be going “RRAAHHhhrr,” and I’d be extending a big fat mama lion paw in response.

But here in the human world, I found myself stuck. So…
Continue reading ““I’m rubber, you’re glue…” Ways of responding to name-calling”