Laughing – Awake Parent

April 10, 2013April 10, 2013

Want to Instantly Turn Defiance Into Cooperation? Try This!

Some of the most frustrating moments I’ve experienced while being with young people are those times when I really need their cooperation and instead I get met with defiance. I’m trying to get out the door and they refuse to put on their shoes. I want to sit down for dinner and they’re running around the house screaming. I’d like to brush their teeth and get them ready for bed, and they just want to keep playing. Ugh!

I’ve tried lots of strategies to transform those moments, and now that my daughter is approaching 3, I’ve been getting even more opportunities to help her move from defiance to cooperation. Granted, we’ve done a LOT of work to develop ongoing cooperation already, but there are times when I can see, she’s just not interested in going along with what I’m wanting. She wants to assert herself, choose her own path, and often in those moments what’s most fun is to choose the exact opposite of what I want.

So, what do I do? I quickly change my position. “Don’t put on your shoes. I do NOT want to see those shoes on your feet.” This reversal instantly encourages my daughter to continue to “defy” me with a glint in her eye as she deviously puts on her shoes.

I protest loudly, “No, no, no! Stop that right now! Oh no, she’s doing it!” And she begins to giggle as she rushes to do all of the things I “don’t” want her to do. “Well, whatever you do, don’t put on your jacket. Hey! You little rascal! What do you think you’re doing?! Get back here! Don’t you dare climb into your car seat! Oh no!”

My daughter absolutely loves this game because she gets to express her defiance, without actually causing any real conflict. And she gets to be the powerful one while I’m relegated to mock frustration and helplessness as she does all the things I’m so desperate to stop her from doing.

In case you’re wondering, it’s obvious to everyone that we’re playing a game. In fact, after playing this game whenever needed over the past few months, now Julia actually asks to play it when she’s not feeling particularly cooperative.

“Will you tell me NOT to do it?” she’ll ask.

And I’m happy to oblige. This game has turned countless moments of potential conflict and parental frustration into a super fun game full of giggles. And best of all, I get the cooperation I was asking for in the first place. It’s really a win-win.

So right now, consider an area of conflict that you’ve been experiencing with your child. Is there a way to reverse your position so that your kids can defy you by doing exactly what you’re wanting? Can you completely let go of your frustration and upset and play with your child instead? Between your new found playfulness and the reversal of power involved, your child will be helpless to resist the fun to be had.

Just one warning though, you do actually have to be able to drop your attachment to the outcome and have some fun. If kids sense that you’re only playing the game to get them to do what you want, it won’t be nearly as fun or effective. So do your best to fully step into character, be the weak and helpless one, and beg them not to do the thing you’re actually wanting. And if they start giggling, you know you’re on the right track!

I would love to hear about your experiences with this and other similar games. Please share your story with me below!

And have a wonderful week, Shelly

March 13, 2013March 13, 2013

20 Easy Ways to Get Kids to Laugh Without Tickling

People have always known it and now science is beginning to prove that laughter really is the best medicine. After a good laugh we’re more relaxed, our blood vessels function better, we’ve released feel good hormones into our system, reduced our pain levels, boosted our immune system and even reduced blood sugar levels!

And that doesn’t even cover the psychological effects of laughter. People with a good sense of humor have been shown to recover from depression more quickly and they’re less likely to become depressed in the first place. There’s no question that laughter puts us in a better mood. So how can we help our kids release their pent up emotions through laughter?

Tickling is often the go-to method of getting young children to laugh. But when we’re tickling kids, they may or may not be enjoying it, and we have no way of telling whether they’re having fun or are upset. I can remember being tickled as a child and fearing that it would never end. I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t stop laughing, and I couldn’t even tell the person tickling me that I was no longer having fun.

That was until my mom came up with a way for me to control the tickling. We played a game in which I got to tell her when to start and when to stop tickling. And only then, did I feel safe during tickling.

So, if you typically resort to tickling to induce laughter in your child, I hope you’ll consider checking in to see whether it’s something they actually enjoy, and setting up a way for them to control the tickling.

And in case you’re wondering, there are tons of other ways to get young kids to laugh. And you don’t have to become an expert at comedy improv to do it (although it couldn’t hurt!).

Here are a few of my favorites:

1) Surprise them

2) Fall down

3) Put on a silly hat

4) Speak in a funny voice

5) Be forgetful

6) Run away from them

7) Chase after them

8) Pretend to “get” them

9) Use an accent

10) Pretend you’re the baby

11) Dance wildly

12) Pillow fight

13) Potty talk

14) Speak in gibberish

15) Mess up your hair

16) Knock something over

17) Pretend they’re getting into trouble “Don’t do that! Oh no! She did it again!”

18) Beg for something

19) Cling to them

20) Fake laugh or fake cry

The idea here is to make yourself the more vulnerable, forgetful, inept, and clumsy one and allow your child to take a position of power over you. This almost always results in peals of laughter, and don’t worry, kids know that this is a game and that you’re still ultimately in charge.

So, how will you invite and induce more laughter this week? My final tip? If you find something that works and makes your kid laugh, keep doing it!

I hope you’ll have a laughter filled week. Warm hugs, Shelly

February 10, 2011

Got giggles?

I’m curious, is there enough laughter in your home? Do you often laugh and smile yourself? Do your kids joke and play happily together? Are there peals of laughter coursing through your hallways daily? If not, then it’s time for a laughter make-over in your home.

Laughter is one of my favorite ways to release pent up emotions. Sure, there are other ways like crying and anger release, but laughter is without a doubt the most fun emotional release for everybody in the household.

But how do you infuse your home with more joy and laughter? I’ve got some ideas I’d like to share with you.

1) Be super silly- A young child’s sense of humor is fairly undeveloped which makes it fairly easy to make them laugh. Doing something unexpectedly silly will often do the trick. I like to put funny hats on, talk in an accent, dance around the room shaking my head and arms wildly or just act a little bit crazy. Kids absolutely love it when we adults let loose and play with them in this way. You’ll know you’re on the right track when they’re looking at you like you’re nuts or they’re smiling and laughing. Continue reading “Got giggles?”

October 27, 2010

Happiness is contagious

We are all inexplicably connected to one another by virtue of our deeply social nature as humans. But recently, studies have shown exactly how those connections can actually affect our well-being. This week I saw a show called “This Emotional Life” on Oregon Public Broadcasting (OPB). The highlight of this particular episode was the fact that happiness is contagious.

You’re probably wondering how they know that, right? Well, researchers created a hugely complex map of the interactions between specific people and those they’re connected with. It was a jumble of names and arrows of different colors indicating the types of relationships. Some people were related, others were friends or co-workers.

Out of all the data they collected, the most statistically significant finding was that happiness spreads through the map faster than the common cold. So it looks like when you’re happy, your happiness spreads to those you come into contact with, who then share it with other people you may not have even met. Your happiness can have a positive effect on people up to four degrees of separation from you!

With that in mind, consider the impact your happiness has on your family, and the impact theirs has on you. This week, put some special focus on doing the things that bring you joy so that you can not only experience happiness but you can also spread it to the people you love. And begin to notice how your child’s laughter can spread through your household like wildfire. What can you do this week to foster joy and laughter in your home? Continue reading “Happiness is contagious”

May 12, 2010May 12, 2010

What to do about potty talk

Isn’t it amazing what kids find funny? I’ve been surprised more than once by what seems hilarious to a 2, 4 or 6 year old. And then I remember, their sense of humor is just developing. Kids this age have a challenging time understanding word play and innuendo, but they do know that burps, farts, and poop are some of the funniest things around.

I’m guessing you’ve especially had an opportunity to witness this phenomena if you have a little boy but some little girls love potty talk too. Suddenly “poopy butt” or “potty head” is their new favorite nickname for everyone.

So, what to do? Well, first of all, recognizing that this is a normal stage of development can help you breathe deeply and relax a little when your child says “penis” for the tenth time that day or calls the lady checking you out at the grocery store a “fart face”. Patience is a huge key to allowing this stage to pass, but patience alone will probably not create the kind of verbal environment you’re wanting.

So, you’ll have to create boundaries, letting your child know what works for you and what doesn’t. I invite you to give a little here, and recognize that using potty talk is a way that your child is experiencing joy, laughter, and humor. But clearly it’s not appropriate to call the teacher names or to shout the names of certain body parts across the store. So the first step is to decide where your boundary is. And that can vary greatly depending on your own preferences. Continue reading “What to do about potty talk”