Parenting help – Page 4

June 10, 2009March 2, 2012

Parenting outside the box: A happy divorce!?

Shelly and I spend a lot of time talking about how to do this and how to do that. We get feedback that this is helpful.

But lately, I’m getting curious about all the ways I and other parents do things completely off script, out of bounds and with little or no precedent. Outside the box, if you will.

I realize that when enough people do things “differently,” we create new norms and new trends—hence, the phrase “conscious parenting:” let’s choose what we want to create instead of just rehashing what our parents did just because it’s all we know. (We might still choose to do all or most things the same way, but choosing is different than repeating on auto-pilot!)

So, when my partner and I decided to separate, we did things very differently than most other folks I’ve met. In some ways, this came naturally, since we had a marriage that was pretty different, at least in some ways, from most. But that’s another story.
Continue reading “Parenting outside the box: A happy divorce!?”

June 3, 2009March 2, 2012

Sharing Gratitude: Acknowledging each family members’ contributions

It’s amazing what a little appreciation, acknowledgment and gratitude can do. You can go from feeling hum-drum or bummed to feeling completely ecstatic in a few short moments if you only take the time to practice gratitude. Gratitude is like this magic potion that reminds us of all we have to appreciate in life–and there is a LOT to appreciate.

I have some friends who share gratitude with one another every time they sit down to share a meal together. Others use gratitude as a way to connect at the beginning of their monthly family meeting. I even know some parents and kids who say what they’re grateful for each night before bed.

I’ve found that when I feel appreciated and acknowledged, I am more willing to contribute, I feel more engaged in my relationships, and I’m just generally happier. So, do kids feel any different? I don’t think so. I think we all respond well to being appreciated and acknowledged. But it depends on how. For instance, compliments like, “You have pretty hair.” usually don’t impact me in the same way that true acknowledgment does.

Here’s the difference: A compliment is really just a positive judgment which might feel good at the time, but then it also leaves room for negative judgments which we can feel afraid of. An acknowledgment is different. Continue reading “Sharing Gratitude: Acknowledging each family members’ contributions”

May 28, 2009March 2, 2012

Four ways to keep old friendships alive after kids

This post is part of our Whole Life Parenting series.

I was talking with a friend the other day, who marveled at how her whole friendship landscape had changed after having kids. She said, “I have three kinds of friends now: Those who no longer call me, those who treat me exactly the same as before I had kids, and those who now have kids of their own, so they get it.”

Sure, we might find the rare childless friend who actually gets how much support parents need and how little we get, who says, Hey, I was just going to read a good book tonight, why don’t I come over and babysit so you can have a night out? Or, the kid-at-heart who calls and spontaneously suggests you and your family hop on out for a jaunt to the zoo or seaquarium.

But mostly, after we become parents, our old friends keep going on about their business, and we either follow along, or drop out of their consciousness.

How do we keep those friendships alive, and nurture the parts of us old friends remember and reflect back to us? No matter how much we love our families, no one will ever elicit quite the giggles and nostalgia that a friend from ten, fifteen or twenty years ago will.

Here’re some ways to keep breathing life into those precious relationships:

1) Tell your childless friends about the reality of your life. Suggest things to do that you love in ways that now make sense for you.

“I would love to go on that four-day, seven hundred dollar spa retreat two states away, but I can’t afford the money or the time away from my family. How about a pedicure Sunday morning?” Some of my friends have responded by turning their own events into child-friendly ones and inviting other families with children. This makes it so much easier!

Continue reading “Four ways to keep old friendships alive after kids”

May 20, 2009March 2, 2012

Serve-yourself snack gives you more freedom

In the Montessori classroom we have a LOT going on. Twenty-four kids are doing individual and group activities, the head teacher is demonstrating activities, and the assistant teacher is available to help kids when they need a hand.

So, when it comes to serving snack, the more the kids can help themselves, the better. This is true at home too. I mean, how many times have you been happily folding a load of laundry when your three year old whines, “Mommy, I’m huuuunnggrryyy.”

Here’s the solution! If you put out the necessary ingredients for a healthy snack on a child-sized table at say 9am every morning (or at 3pm if your kids are more hungry in the afternoon) your children can serve themselves whenever they’re hungry. This promotes independence while ensuring that your kids are eating a nutritious snack AND you don’t have to get up from your own work to serve them. Continue reading “Serve-yourself snack gives you more freedom”

May 14, 2009March 2, 2012

Cooking with kids: How preparing food for ourselves and our families contributes to everyone’s well-being.

I used to despise spending time in the kitchen. I didn’t like doing dishes, I didn’t know how to cook, and I preferred microwave meals to home cooked ones. Wow! Have things changed. Now I buy lots of fresh organic produce, free-range meats and eggs, and I enjoy coming up with new interesting creations and cooking traditional foods. And for some reason I want to put cumin on everything.

Thinking back, I can identify a couple of things that produced the shift for me. First, I read “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh. There’s a passage where he talks about enjoying the present moment even in the mundane activities of life like washing dishes. I immediately began to ENJOY doing dishes! I luxuriated in the warm soapy water and felt a deeper sense of accomplishment than I ever could have anticipated from the simple act of doing dishes.

And then I moved in with my husband to be (we’re getting married in 6 weeks!). As soon as I moved in with him I noticed a strong desire to learn to cook welling up in me. I wanted to feed us delicious, nutritious foods.

So, I began to learn the art of cooking. It feels a little funny to be writing about cooking since I’m still so new at it, Jill is the real chef of the two of us. But what I do bring to the table is the ability to modify cooking activities into interesting and age-appropriate activities for kids of all ages.

Think of your child as the apprentice chef in your kitchen. Continue reading “Cooking with kids: How preparing food for ourselves and our families contributes to everyone’s well-being.”