Tag: Practical suggestions

Posted on

Calling all drama queens and comedians

School is out for the summer, which is great fun for the kids and a bunch of extra work and shuffling for you.  It’s challenging to make the transition from having the kids in school all day to having them home, or finding enough activities to keep them busy and engaged.

Some children really thrive on a slow paced, relaxed, summer schedule.  But other kids go a little bonkers when you take away the social outlet of school.  If you’ve got a drama queen or a comedian on your hands, consider sending them to an acting camp.

Through my work with young people I’ve found that lots of kids who seem to be “acting out” or are “too wild” just need an appropriate outlet for their energy and enthusiasm about life.  They need an activity that is both intellectually and physically challenging, so that they’re engaging many different parts of their brain.  Acting camp could be just the thing these kids are craving.

During an acting camp, kids get to play fun games that teach them the basics of improvisation and acting.  With those tools in their back pockets, many young people can redirect their “wild” energy into comedy improv, or putting on a production either by themselves, with friends or siblings, or with a church group or neighborhood group.

And, as their skills develop, you’ll enjoy their antics more and more, and they’ll get the positive attention they’re really craving.  It’s really a win-win.

But if acting camp isn’t available in your area or doesn’t fit into your budget well, the internet is filled with information about super fun comedy improv games you can play with your family without any special training.

One of my favorite sites for that kind of information is Improv 4 Kids

Here are a few fun improv games off the top of my head:

1) Yes And- Go around the circle and create something fun like the most fun amusement park, the best sandwich, the ideal playground, or the coolest new invention.  Each person adds an idea and then the next person exclaims, “YES!! And…” and adds another dimension to the vision.

2) Making up a silly song- This is easiest with a familiar tune and a list of words that rhyme.  You might want to start off with Raffi’s “Down by the Bay” and then branch out when the kids have the hang of it.

3) Using props in interesting ways- Get some stuff from the kitchen and around the house and put it into a box.  Set an egg timer and then let your child reach into the box, grab something and pretend it’s something else.  Robin Williams is particularly good at this game!

So, I hope you’ll check out all the possibilities in your area for acting and improv classes for kids.  Who knows, maybe you’ll spark a life long love of theatre!  As always I would love to hear your thoughts and stories.  Please leave me a comment!  And have a wonderful week, Shelly

Oh, and I was interviewed in Inspired Lady Radio on Monday.  If you’d like to listen to the show which features me and Lori Petro, go to  BlogTalkRadio “Thanks, but this is my child“.

 

Posted on

Delay of gratification is a crucial skill

Photo by Suzette Hibble

Teaching your child to delay gratification can help him in all sorts of ways.  He will learn self-control and willpower.  He will also reduce his impulsivity and increase in academic performance.  But delaying gratification does not come easily and often won’t develop naturally, unless parents and caregivers help children learn this important skill.

Luckily, you can start to teach these skills at any age with simple games that don’t take much time.  Start by offering your child a toy you know she wants but at the last second pull it back saying, “Ut oh, wait just a moment.  Wait…wait…great job waiting!” and then hand your child the toy.  At first just ask your infant or toddler to wait a few seconds.  Then as your child becomes better and better at waiting for the object of her desire, begin to lengthen the time required.

This works best if you’re both in a good mood and you’re playful in your removal of the object.  Children always learn best when they’re enjoying life.  But if your child reacts negatively to your attempts to play a waiting game, just ignore any outburst, give the toy back after the allotted time and try again later.

It won’t do much good to tell your child when they didn’t wait well, but when they do, be sure to give him some positive feedback using effort and/or behavior based praise.  “Great waiting!”  “Good job!” And “Wow, I could see how much you wanted that, but you waited anyway!  Nice!” are all great ways to reinforce delay of gratification.

Do your best to stay away from character based praise though.   “Good boy!” or “You’re so smart!” can actually make some kids more self-conscious and fearful, rather than helping them feel good about their accomplishments.  For more information on effort based praise see my earlier article “The dangers of praise.”

Impulsivity is a defining characteristic of young children, so don’t expect too much too fast.  But if you play waiting games a few times a day, every day, you can expect your child’s capacity for waiting to grow over time.  And that’s good news, because in the short term, you’ll have a more patient and considerate child.

And in the long term, delay of gratification has been linked to better studying behaviors and might even be linked to reduced drug use in teens and young adults. If you caught my blog about a conscious relationship to money, you know that delay of gratification is also a great asset in terms of financial planning, saving, and living within your means.

Right now I’m wishing that I had learned much earlier to delay gratification, but we all have to start somewhere, and I’m a firm believer that it’s never too late to learn a new skill.  So, as I teach my daughter to wait, I’ll also be practicing delaying my own gratification and we’ll both enjoy the benefits of increased willpower and reduced impulsivity.

What have your experiences with impulsivity and self-control been?  I would love to know what you think about this topic.  Please leave me a comment!

Have a wonderful week, Shelly

Posted on

The Magic of Family Meetings

We have work meetings, book club meetings, non-profit organization meetings, and yet very few families have family meetings.  However, in my parenting coaching, and especially with families of children ages 3-17, family meetings are one of the best ways I’ve found to help families get on the same page, air their dirty laundry, establish rules and expectations, and move from tension back to joy and playfulness.

But there are some definite dos and don’ts when it comes to creating a family meeting that works well and is sustainable.  Here are my tips for family meetings that will help you re-connect and get down to business.

1)     Keep it short- The younger your children are, the shorter your meeting should be.  For children under 5, try to keep it to 20 minutes tops.  As your children grow and mature, meetings will get slightly longer, but nobody wants to sit in a meeting for longer than an hour, so try to prioritize and keep your commentary to a minimum.

2)    The fun sandwich- If you want your kids to love family meetings, then be sure there’s something they really like at the beginning and at the end.  You could do a round of appreciations at the beginning and pizza and a movie afterward, or you might try an empathy game at the beginning and a game of basketball at the end.  Or, perhaps you’ll start with a group hug and end by planning the next family vacation.

3)    Grievances, chores, and other business in the middle- keep this part short too, but this is the meat of the family meeting where you’ll really make progress toward a mutual understanding of what your family’s rules, chores, and goals are.  Sometimes it helps to have a poster board, white board, or other visual representation of what you’re discussing.

4)   Play “Yes, And”- If you’d like the input of every family member as you create a new chore structure, plan a vacation, or figure out how to work some fun into your busy lives, try playing “Yes, And” It’s a simple game in which you first set up the task and then take turns making contributions.  The rule is that you cannot argue against anyone’s contribution, you can only add your own by enthusiastically saying, “YES!  And…”  So you might start by saying something like, “Let’s imagine the best Saturday afternoon ever” and then each person takes a turn sharing something they’d enjoy doing on an imaginary Saturday.  The idea is to get excited, use your imagination and practice being a yes to one another’s ideas.  Then, after the game, you can agree on an actual plan for the day.

5)    Chore wheel- A chore wheel is a fun way to establish who will do what and then you can easily trade chores every week or month.  It does take a little bit of preparation before the meeting, but you’ll be amazed how something as simple as an engaging and visual reminder will help the young people in your life complete their chores on time.

So, those are my tips for a successful and sustainable family meeting.  I would love to hear about your experiences with meetings in the past and/or how these tips work for you.

Have a fabulous week, Shelly

 

 

Posted on

Five keys to encouraging cooperation

Some of the most challenging moments with young people have got to be the times when you ask for help with something and then you hear a loud and defiant, “No!” in response.  In times like those, you just wish you could force your kids to do your will.  Unfortunately, if you do force them when they’re little, pretty soon they grow too big to force.  So, I recommend starting out by encouraging cooperation at every opportunity, and then when your kids are big, you’ll already have established a routine of helping each other out.  Here are my top five keys to encouraging cooperation.

1) “Let’s go!”- Instead of asking your child a question that can be answered with a simple, “no,” try directing and inviting, rather than asking.  So, instead of saying, “Jane, will you please put on your shoes?” try saying “It’s time to put shoes on, c’mon let’s go!”  You can also use this technique if you need to leave a store or park, and remember, the more excited you are about leaving, the more effective it will be.

2) I Forget- Young children love to remind and teach adults things sometimes too.  You can use that to your advantage when you want your kids to brush their teeth, put away their toys, or do just about any other task.  And, by asking your child to come up with the correct answer, you’re teaching her to remember on her own in the future.  “Susie, I can’t remember what we do next!  We have our pajamas on and we’ve gone to the bathroom and I know there’s something we’re supposed to before we jump into bed for stories, but I can’t remember what it is.  Do you know?”  I am amazed at how well this can work and how excited kids can be to do chores they otherwise don’t enjoy.

3) Winding up the robot- For clean up time, pretending to be a robot can be tons of fun and can make clean up fast and easy.  Most kids like it best if you pretend they have a big wind up crank on their back.  You wind them up, and they rush through the room picking up their toys.  But don’t forget to sing the praises of the awesome new robot you bought.  The more you talk up the robot, the more likely he is to re-appear.

4)  Scavenger hunt- Want help at the grocery store or collecting the scattered pieces of a puzzle or board game?  Play scavenger hunt!  Make a word list (for readers) or a picture list (for pre-readers) of things that need to be found or collected.  Send your child out into the house with a basket and a list, and voila, you’ll be shocked at how fast they can find the missing puzzle piece.

5) Housework party- Whether it’s cooking, washing dishes, doing laundry, sweeping, washing windows, or any other household task, you can get your child to help out by making it more fun.  First, survey your child to find out what kinds of tasks sound fun and when you find one that your child is willing to help out with, turn on some music, set him up with his supplies and let him go for it!   I’ve found that children are much more willing to help with cleaning tasks when they have gear that’s the right size for their body.  So consider purchasing the best broom for child sizes and a mop, a small spray bottle (filled with water) for washing windows, and even a work smock.  For dusting, a simple dusting mitten (no need for a thumb hole) made out of flannel is fun to wear and even more fun to get dirty!

So those are my top five favorite keys to encouraging cooperation.  I’m curious whether you’ve tried these or if they’re new to you and I hope you’ll share a comment about how they work for you.

 

Have a super week, Shelly

Posted on

A cure for clutter: using a rug to define a workspace

Are you tired of tripping over your child’s toys or bugging the kids to pick them up off the living room floor?  Using a rug to define your child’s workspace is a great solution that works well for everyone!

You might even already have a rug that will work well.  You want a rag rug, bathmat, or other rug that is about three feet by four feet in size and is easy to roll up.  To keep it out of the way when it’s not being  used, you can store your rug in a clean trash can, large vase, or other container when it’s rolled up.  And when your child is ready to get out her dinosaurs, remind her to get her rug first. This trick was taught to me by my friend who is also a parent and works for Oriental Rug Cleaning in Jupiter, FL, she the idea while working one day! Just make sure you don’t choose a rug that will get dirty easily.

Children often enjoy taking care of their workspace and will take great pleasure in laying out their rug and then setting out their toys or other activities.  And, by keeping the space defined you will notice several benefits.

First, your child will feel his work and play are honored and important when you make it a point to walk around his rug and encourage other family members to respect his space.  Second, you’ll cut down of sibling conflict when each child has his own space and both practice respecting one another’s space.  In the Montessori classroom children are required to ask permission to touch anything on someone else’s rug.

Also, if you need to move your child’s activity, it’s fairly easy to pick up two ends of the rug and drag it over to another spot without disturbing what’s on the rug.  That means that even though she starts a puzzle on the living room floor, you can pull it over to the hallway, or even into her room, when the family needs the floor space again. Continue reading “A cure for clutter: using a rug to define a workspace”

Proudly powered by WordPress