After I learned to Go for the Giggle, I had an experience with a child in which I could see two distinct choices before me of how to handle a potential power struggle.
It was another afternoon with “Kyle”, six years old, and “Neil”, who was two. I was sitting in the playroom folding the family laundry.
Just as I had almost finished, and was stacking some of the folded laundry into the basket, Kyle ran over and knocked the basket over, spilling the newly folded laundry on to the floor.
I felt a flash of anger and tensely asked him to pick it up. He refused and ran out of the room with a grin. I continued to fold the last of the laundry but left the basked toppled and waited for him to return.
I considered my options… “This could easily escalate and become a huge power struggle,” I thought, envisioning that scenario unfolding (pun intended).
I knew I didn’t want to pick up the laundry myself, but I also couldn’t force him to do it.
Suddenly, Kyle entered the room wearing his dress-up armor, carrying a sword and a shield.
He pointed the sword at me.
I asked again if he would pick up the basket. He said, “I didn’t knock over the basket.”
We all knew he was lying–we’d seen him knock the laundry over.
But I had an idea. I decided to play along with his game and see if I could spin this so that he’d actually WANT to pick up the basket.
“Oh Great Knight!” I exclaimed, “I’m so glad you’ve come! A laundry monster has knocked over my basket of laundry! Please, Great Knight, will you help me?!”
Kyle flashed me a smile and ran over to the basket.
After he picked everything up he pointed the sword at me again.
I glanced over and pointed at a stuffed dragon on the floor nearby “There it is Great Knight! The Laundry Monster! Slay it!” Kyle quickly directed his sword at the stuffed dragon–and away from me.
I felt triumphant. Not only had I averted a potential power struggle, we had actually remained connected, and had fun together in the midst of a potential disaster.
I got my laundry fixed, and he got to play and save face. In fact, as soon as I was able to take his lead and really play with him, he was able to cooperate.
In this instance, not only was I able to remain grounded in my own needs for safety and peace, but also I was able to make a clear request, to which Kyle could agree without feeling overpowered, forced, or coerced.
So, the next time it seems like he’s just out to get you, see what you can do to turn the tables to avoid the power struggle.
I feel so grateful that this time, I chose the path of ease, fun, and connection. I hope by sharing this story, I can offer you more options for avoiding a power struggle and staying connected with your child.
Thanks for being here!
Warmest hugs, Shelly Birger
P.S. What did you think about this topic ? Have you ever had similar experiences? We welcome your comments in the box below.
