Tag: Safety

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The Secret to Drastically Reducing Infant Falls

During early infancy, babies pretty much stay where you put them. My mom refers to this stage of development as the happy paperweight stage. But once babies are a few months old, they begin to move. Some infants are rolling over and scooting as early as 4 months!

Don’t fret if your baby doesn’t roll over or sit up exactly on “schedule,” every baby develops at a different rate. But once your little one does begin to move around, falls can be a big hazard.

Avoiding some falls is fairly easy, just put your baby on the floor! But at other times you might be on a low bed, couch, or in another location and it’s a good idea to develop healthy and safe habits as early as possible.

Obviously when babies reach this stage of development it is no longer safe to leave them unstrapped on the changing table and walk away or even to leave them in the middle of a large high bed. The floor is the safest place for a baby who is learning to move, scoot, and crawl.

You do also need to do some baby proofing pronto. Cover outlets (electrocution hazards), remove cords and strings (strangulation hazards), add gates to stairways, and anchor furniture to the wall.

But if you want to reduce accidental falls, show your infant daily how to maneuver off of a low bed or couch safely, and they will learn to do it themselves fairly quickly. With enough repetition, getting down safely becomes second nature.

Before I share my “secret” let’s review some infant development research. Studies have shown that new crawlers are actually quite careful not to fall. Babies who were new crawlers participated in a study in which they were encouraged by their mothers to crawl across a plexi-glass surface that had a checkerboard pattern underneath it.

When the checkerboard pattern was directly beneath the plexiglass, babies happily crawled across to their mothers. However, if the checkerboard pattern was placed 3 feet below the plexiglass, babies perceived the drop off and refused to crawl across, even though it was completely safe to do so. Even when encouraged by their mothers that it was safe to cross, nearly 100% of infants refused to crawl across the perceived abyss. I share this study to remind us all that babies do have a survival instinct and even though we think of them as completely impulsive, they really don’t want to fall on their heads.

OK, here’s the “secret” key phrase (and action) to reducing falls:

FEET FIRST

Let’s say you’re hanging out with your baby on the couch when it becomes obvious that she’s interested in a toy across the room. She reaches for the toy and in your mind’s eye you imagine her tumbling headlong off the couch after the toy, banging her head along the way. At this point, gently hold your baby’s arm or leg and say, “Feet first.” And then help her turn around and maneuver so that her feet hang down first and she can scoot off the couch feet first, facing the couch. This is always the safest way for a baby to descend.

When your baby is young, you can physically guide him safely all the way down to the floor and as he develops more strength, you can intervene less and less. But it’s very important to repeat the phrase, “Feet first,” each and every time.

If you do this consistently, you’ll have a crawler and toddler that confidently knows how to safely descend from stairs, beds, couches, and the like and you’ll be able to relax into the knowledge that he knows exactly how to get down, FEET FIRST!

My husband and I both used this technique with each of our children and I honestly cannot think of a single time that our kids fell off of anything head first when they were babies. Sure, my 3yo jumps off of things head first now to experiment with his body and its boundaries, but our babies didn’t careen off of the bed.

To be fair, we don’t use bed frames and simply put our box spring and mattress right on the floor. This is a Montessori style bed that is easy for a young child to climb in and out of independently, so if your bed is up on a frame, it may not be safe to encourage your baby to go feet first off the bed until she is tall enough to manage it.

But in general, by using the phrase “feet first” and supporting babies to descend safely, you’ll drastically reduce falls and protect your infant from many potential head injuries. I’ve used this technique with many of the babies in my care too, and it has always helped.

So here’s to a future filled with capable independence for your baby and calm confidence for you. Have a fabulous week!

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4 Rules I Never Thought I’d Have to Have

Parenting is filled with unexpected moments of delight and horror in almost equal measure as far as I can tell. Your kid tells a funny joke far beyond her years, and then she head butts you and busts your lip open.

I knew there would be unexpected challenges when I became a parent, but there have been some things that have completely shocked me. Even though I’ve been a nanny, preschool teacher, and an older sister for most of my life, the innate ability of our darling child to wreak complete havoc on our lives still astounds me.

You know I’m a big fan of setting clear boundaries and making sure everyone in our lives knows the rules. But there are a few rules we’ve had to make lately that I definitely did not expect to ever have to have.

Here they are:

1)   No eating on the toilet

We usually don’t carry snacks around the house, mostly because we have a dog who will put her tongue into your hot chocolate if you so much as turn your head away for an instant (true story). However, Julia likes to take her sweet time during meal times. From what I’ve read on the subject, eating slowly is healthier, so I’ve allowed her to meander through her meals. She often spends a full hour at the table; so inevitably, she sometimes has to use the bathroom in the middle of a meal.

It never occurred to me that she would want to bring her food with her! But, kids will be kids. They have their own ideas about things. And since eating on the toilet just isn’t sanitary, this is one rule we’ve made that I had never even considered before having a child of my own.

2)   No jumping into your underwear

Last week Julia wanted to jump into her underwear. The problem is that she has no idea how hard her head is, and very little impulse control, so when Daddy said, “No. Jumping into your underwear is not safe” she was already launching herself straight up into his face. She actually gave him a concussion when the hardest part of her head hit him right between the eyes. He saw stars and was completely altered for days afterward. It’s a week later and he’s still not completely healed. We have GOT to handle this head butting thing a.s.a.p.

3)   No nails at the dinner table

For her third birthday, Julia received some construction tools (thanks Dad!). She got a vice, I built her a workbench, and she now has her own hammer and tool belt. When I taught her how to hammer in a nail she got so excited that she wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon hammering nails. Unfortunately, after about an hour it was time to go inside for dinner.

As you know, I try my best to avoid grabbing things away from my daughter, but when I told her it was time to put the nails away she held on to them like they were crucial to her very survival. I tried to talk her through it, but she was so upset she wasn’t able to think clearly and all she knew was that holding on to those nails was essential, and I was trying to get them away.

I’ll admit, I grabbed them away, reminding her that it was a safety issue since nails are sharp and they’re definitely not allowed at the dinner table.

4) If you want to lie down in the mud, you have to take your clothes off

Lately one of Julia’s favorite backyard activities is to use her watering can to create a huge mud puddle (in a designated spot, thankfully) and then play in the mud. This is all well and good and a healthy activity, but I don’t enjoy scrubbing the mud out of her shirt, pants, and underwear on a daily basis. So I’ve made a rule that she’s welcome to play in the mud puddle, as long as she takes her clothes off first. She’s still getting used to this rule and you should see the surprised looks on her grandparents faces when she announces, “I’m allowed to put my tummy in the mud, as long as I take my shirt off first!” It’s a good thing kids are washable.

I’m sure these remind you of some of the more bizarre rules you’ve had to implement. And I could use a laugh, so I hope you’ll share some with us all. What are some rules you never thought you’d have to have?

Have a great week, Shelly

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You Don’t Have to Work So Hard to Entertain Your Baby

Well, the secret’s out. We’re expecting! And as I contemplate the inevitable chaos of introducing an infant into all of our lives there’s one idea that brings me a huge amount of peace and calm. It’s the notion that babies can actually entertain themselves.

I was first introduced to this idea by Janet Lansbury and if you want to explore this further, I highly recommend her website janetlansbury.com It’s filled with information about how to be respectful to even the youngest infants and some of the underlying messages I’ve gotten from her work with babies are:

1)   You don’t have to be Super-Mom, you’re already a super mom.

2)   You don’t need to hold your baby for every second of the day to foster proper bonding and development.

3)   Ultimately, even newborn babies are really good at meeting their own needs for learning and entertainment, when given the opportunity for independent play.

Sometimes these ideas seem to fly in the face of all of the attachment parenting information out there, but I don’t think the ideas are really at odds at all. In fact, I think that when we provide the nurturing and responsive environment for our children that we naturally want to give them, they respond by needing less reassurance and wanting more independence.

This is certainly what I’ve seen with my first daughter. As soon as she feels safe and comfortable, she’s ready to take on a new task or skill and she almost always wants to do it herself.

Even as a tiny infant, when she was fed, rested, and we were fighting a diaper rash, we’d leave her strapped to her changing table with a pre-fold underneath her just in case, put on some music and she would stay there happily for up to half an hour!

Other times I’d simply lay her down on a soft blanket on the floor, offer her one or two toys to explore and leave the room. And again, as long as her physical needs were met, she would rarely call out for me. So I got to fold laundry, cook dinner, or do whatever else I’d been neglecting for up to half an hour before she needed another diaper change or to nurse or some help falling asleep.

So if you’re a first time mom and are worried about how you’ll keep your baby entertained, or if you have other kids and you’re pretty sure the new baby won’t get the same kind of undivided attention that your first baby got, fear not. You can relax and trust your baby to learn and grow perfectly, even without your constant attention.

There are a few keys to encouraging this kind of independent play in infants (and toddlers for that matter) Here’s a quick check list:

1) Safety first—Make sure the space is safe from anything that could harm your baby, even if they move farther than you expect (because they probably will!). Check for long cords, electrical outlets, furniture that’s unstable (it’s best to attach bookcases to the wall), fluffy bedding, choking hazards etc.

2) Less is more—Young babies really don’t need 12 toys that blink and play music. A simple ball, a cloth or wooden teether, or even a kitchen utensil may be enough stimulation for a young developing brain. Some babies don’t even need a toy, they can be content just learning to move their bodies and looking around at the things in the room or in my daughter’s case, listening to music.

3) Give them space and time—If you’re not accustomed to leaving your baby alone, this one can be challenging. It’s an exercise in trust and an opportunity for self care.  But remember, offering your baby this time is helping him develop a longer attention span, reminding him that he’s safe, even when he’s left alone, and laying a strong foundation of self-reliance.

4) Be within earshot and available—Infants need to know that we’re there and available when they need us, so be sure you’re within earshot and available to respond quickly either verbally or physically if your baby cries out. When we respond quickly to their needs, babies relax and are able to feel safe even when we’re out of the room. But if we fail to respond when they need our help, we’re breaking a fragile trust and infants will easily learn to object to our being out of sight in order to be sure we’ll be there when they need us.

Just to be clear, I’m not suggesting that you leave your newborn alone for hours at a time or even for several hours a day, but the idea that we must be interacting with our babies 24/7 is just an impossible dream that undermines our own sanity.

Yes, it’s incredibly important to make eye contact, smile, talk to, hold, and sing to your baby. And I already know you’re doing those things. This is just a reminder that there’s absolutely no reason why you can’t take a shower, read a novel, or talk on the phone with a friend, even when you have an infant in the house.

And when we give our babies time alone, we’re not just taking care of ourselves by giving ourselves a much needed break, we’re also helping them develop crucial skills and allowing them to learn and grow at their own pace.

I’m curious, do you give your baby alone time? Or does this idea seem foreign? I would love to hear about your experiences. Please share your story with the rest of us!

And have a lovely week, Shelly

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Why Are Americans So Freaked Out By Nudity?

I was on Facebook yesterday and I saw this article about a man who is being charged with child pornography because he had videos of his naked children on his phone. He didn’t send them to anyone. From what I read, the content sounded harmless. And the only reason the videos were discovered was because his phone broke and the technician was transferring his photos and videos to his new phone.

I think we’ve taking “protecting children” a bit too far in this case. Yes, sexual abuse of children is a real problem and deserves a swift response. But since when is taking a video of your children dancing naked, considered pornography?

To me, this seems to indicate a real problem we Americans have with nudity in general. Does nudity equate pornography? I think most Europeans would agree with me on this one, the answer is no. Nudity is just that, nudity.

There is nothing lewd or lascivious, obscene or indecent about a naked body. The human body is beautiful, functional, and something to be celebrated. Is the prevailing attitude a vestige of our Puritanical roots?

Interestingly, children aren’t born with the need or desire to cover their bodies. They don’t feel ashamed of their arms, legs, heads, or groins. At least not until they learn that bodies are something to be ashamed of and that hiding our “private parts” is the socially accepted norm.

We’re in the midst of toilet learning at our house and my daughter seems to be more aware of her need to use the potty when she has nothing on from the waist down. And since we’ve always used cloth diapers, I can understand her confusion. When she’s wearing underwear it feels just like a diaper, so she just goes. But if she’s half nude, she runs over to her potty saying “I have pee in my bladder!”

So, I’m introducing underwear slowly and trying to minimize the time she wears it so that she can remember not to go in her underwear. It’s working! She’s able to go longer and longer in her underwear every day and keep them dry.

Luckily, no one in our immediate family has a problem with a two year old running around half clothed. And I do sometimes put her in a dress so that it’s not so obvious that she’s going commando. But this article frightened me. What if my husband takes a photo of my daughter doing something cute and she happens to be pants-less? Will he be arrested for child pornography too?

Certainly we’ve established clear boundaries and guidelines for our whole family and no nude pictures will appear on Facebook or be sent via phone to other family members (although, now that I think of it, I do remember sending my brother a cute bath photo a few weeks ago, oops!).

But with all this new technology that makes taking videos and sending them to friends and family so easy, we’re bound to run into these situations more and more. And I’m curious about how we as a culture will handle it. Will we continue to equate nudity with obscenity? Or can a bare bottom just be cute?

What do you think? And how do you handle these situations in your family?

Have a wonderful week, Shelly

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Five Steps to Independent Play

Independent play can be elusive when our kids are accustomed to being entertained, read to, or otherwise catered to, but things don’t have to stay that way. You can create an environment that entices your child to engage in hours of independent play with minimal supervision and virtually no need to guide or direct them. But there are some essential steps to take to make your foray into independent play a success.

Here are my five steps to independent play:

1)     Provide a safe space- First things first; if you aren’t absolutely certain that your child is safe, you’ll never be able to allow her to play alone in the other room. Safety is probably the most consistent barrier to independent play that I’ve observed in the homes of my friends, colleagues, and clients. On the other hand, when you know that your child can’t possibly pull the bookcase over on him or get into the medicine cabinet, you’ll be amazed at how much easier it is to let them do their own thing.

Here’s a list of potential hazards to be sure you’ve handled:

  • Drowning- children can drown in just a few inches of water at the bottom of a bucket. Coolers with melted ice, bathtubs that didn’t get drained, and even toilets can be a drowning hazard.
  • Strangulation- any cord longer than 12 inches can be considered a strangulation hazard. Be sure that all blinds cords are up and out of reach and that children don’t have access to ropes, ribbons, or strings that are longer than 12 inches.
  • Fire/Electrical- covers on all electrical outlets and knob or other safety covers on your stovetop are an important precaution.
  • Choking- Small items that can cause choking should be removed until children are at least three years old.
  • Falling furniture- Heavy dressers and bookcases cause injury to children every year. Be sure your furniture is bolted to the wall, especially if you have a climber (and even if you don’t).
  • Chemicals, medications & plastic bags- Cleaning chemicals, all medications (even over the counter) and plastic bags should all be out of reach or in a locked or childproof drawer or cabinet.

2)     Provide fascinating materials- what is your child deeply interested in? If you’re not sure, find out! When children are provided with materials that spark their interest, they will explore, experiment, and play for long periods of time. However, if they still have those same five books on the shelf that never get touched, it might be time to rotate something new into that unused space. Check out my homeschool blog for ideas of inexpensive and DIY materials that can provide hours of learning.

One more note on this, don’t assume that a very young child won’t be interested in complex topics or information. You’ve seen my daughter showing off her geography knowledge. She also loves to learn about birds and frogs from my adult field guides and photo books. My friend’s two-year-old son is obsessed with hockey, and I know a six year old who loves medieval history! Don’t underestimate your child’s interests.

3)    Provide ample opportunities & invite your child to play alone- I know you’re busy and you’ve got all sorts of fun and exciting activities to do, but take a moment to consider the trade off that happens when you over-schedule. Without a lot of unstructured time at home, your child doesn’t have the opportunity to develop skills in dealing with boredom or engaging in an independent self-directed activity. Instead, he’s looking over his shoulder expecting to be told what to do next. And by actively inviting your child to play alone, you’re actually supporting him in problem solving and creativity.

4)   Stop interrupting your child when he’s engaged in independent play- this is a tough one, even for me. I often forget that my daughter’s activities are just as important as my own agenda. But take time this week to notice all the moments when you’re actually interrupting your child’s concentration. Notice all the times when she’s playing alone and you’re bothering her with requests to put on her shoes and get out the door.

OK, now that you’ve noticed how often you interrupt your child, try to reduce your interruptions. Sometimes all it will take is finding one more thing you need to do and waiting for your child to seek you out. Other times you may have to restructure your day or skip that trip to the park you had been planning. Just remember that by allowing your child to come to a natural conclusion of independent play, you’re cultivating a long attention span, an ability to make clear choices about what to do next, and a bunch of other benefits I’m forgetting about right now.

5)    Make yourself less available & invite your child to do his work- this last step can be a tough one, especially if you’re the involved parent that I know you are. But if we want our children to develop their own skills in independence, decision-making, and engaging in meaningful self-directed work, we MUST take a step back and allow our kids to figure things out on their own sometimes. Check out this blog I wrote about how to set a clear boundary between your work and your child’s and check out that novel from the library that you’ve been meaning to read. Having a book is always a great way to remove your attention if you’d like to stay in the same room with your child. And since you’re not texting or on the computer, you’re modeling the importance of reading too! I also find that children are less likely to be distracted by my activities if I’m reading a book, rather than checking email. An open computer can be an irresistible invitation to a child.

I hope these suggestions have been helpful and I would love to hear about your own adventures in encouraging independent play. Please share your thoughts or stories in the comments below! And thanks so much for participating in our community!

Warm hugs, Shelly

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