Sleep – Awake Parent

July 18, 2012

Why My Child’s Sleep Rules My Life and I Wouldn’t Have it Any Other Way

I hear all sorts of things from other parents and from my colleagues about how a child’s sleep schedule doesn’t have to rule your life. I’ve heard moms proclaim, “I’m not about to let my infant dictate my schedule, she can sleep just as well in the stroller anyway.” Well, I respectfully disagree.

Children need adequate sleep to be able to function and learn well, just like we all do. And stroller sleeping is NOT the same thing as sleeping at home in a cozy and familiar bed. Sure, children CAN do it, but that doesn’t mean they should.

Just yesterday I was listening to the radio and heard that for an adult, missing an hour of sleep per night for a week diminishes our mental capacity to the same degree as it would if we had not slept for 48 hours straight. Whoa. Sleep really does impact us more than we realize.

Maybe you’re one of those parents who resists a consistent schedule or who doesn’t want to schedule the rest of your life around your child’s need for sleep. If so, my intention is not to belittle your choice or even necessarily to convince you to change your ways. I just want to tell you about why I love it that my life is completely ruled by my daughter’s sleep.

#1 Zero meltdown days- When my daughter gets a consistent sleeping schedule, she is happier, more adaptable, and better able to handle surprises or disruptions to the rest of the schedule. If she’s sleep deprived (even an hour less sleep in 24 hrs.) she is MUCH more reactive and more likely to become upset by things that seem incredibly small and insignificant to me. As long as I keep her napping and sleeping schedule consistent, we often have lots of zero meltdown days!

#2 She asks for her nap and to go to bed at night- The first time I asked, “Are you ready for your nap?” and heard a “Yes, Mommy.” I was shocked. I’ve had a LOT of experience with children resisting sleep, and she will sometimes fight it after we’re in her room, but she will ALWAYS willingly go into her bedroom for nap-time. I think this speaks to how clearly I’ve held her sleep as a priority and how consistent I’ve been with the timing and location of her daily naps.

#3 I like a consistent schedule too- Honestly, it’s difficult for me to empathize with a distaste for schedules, I find a consistent routine comforting and easier than changing things up constantly. Sure, we’re home a lot, but I like being at home! For those of you who don’t enjoy a consistent schedule, what is it about this that bothers you? Is it simply boring to do the same thing every day? Or is it something else? I guess I’m just lucky that I enjoy consistency, because it’s been clear to me all along that my daughter thrives when she knows what to expect and feels comfortable in a familiar environment. Sure, we go out on adventures, but we almost always come back home to sleep.

#4 Did I mention zero meltdowns?- OK, so not only is it easier for HER emotional state when she gets consistent and reliable sleep, it’s easier for me too! I guess I could choose to stay out at a fun activity for an extra half an hour, but the resultant fussiness my daughter exhibits has never seemed worth it to me. I make it a point to change or disrupt her sleeping schedule only about once a month. And when I do, it usually takes us several days to get back on schedule, so it has to be something really worthwhile like staying up late around the campfire, going to a special art exhibit or a musical performance I’ve been really looking forward to.

#5 When the schedule changes, she rolls with it- By providing a consistent sleep schedule as a foundation for my daughter, she knows she’ll get the rest she needs, so she doesn’t have to freak out when I keep her out an hour past her bedtime once a month. Instead, she is just her usual happy self, even well past her bedtime. But that’s only because I’ve built up a saving’s account of consistent sleep that she can draw on during unusual circumstances.

So, all in all I think my message is clear. I’ve prioritized my daughter’s sleep schedule so that our lives together will be easier and more fun. Who cares about that extra hour of time out with a friend if the rest of the day with my daughter is frustrating and filled with meltdowns?!

When I choose consistency for my child’s sleep, I’m also choosing more cooperation, ease and sanity for myself. Do you agree or disagree with me? I would love to hear YOUR opinion!

Have a wonderful and restful week, Shelly

August 17, 2011March 8, 2012

Parenting exhaustion

Boy, is it exhausting to be a parent or what?! You start off with the nighttime wake ups but at least when they’re that little, they’re not moving around too much. Remember when you’d put them down and they’d just stay put?! It’s like a distant memory, right?

And, by the time you’re actually getting a good night’s sleep (except for the occasional accident or vomiting in the bed), they’re running around like crazy people and screaming, “Play with me! Play with me!” and wanting to go to the park and the pool and everywhere else they can think of. Whew! I feel tired just thinking about it.

I’ve heard some divorced parents admit that they’re actually relieved when they’re kids go to their co-parent’s house. And now that I’m a parent myself, I can see why! It really does take a village, doesn’t it? I think we should all have statues erected in our honor if we survive parenthood long enough to see our adult children become exhausted parents.

As a kid, one of the things I never understood was why my parents didn’t have the energy to play with me all the time or take me wherever I wanted. The idea that resting would be more fun than constant activity was a completely foreign concept. I think the only time I was still was when I was mesmerized by the television or forced to sleep.

One of the things I loved about being a nanny for twins was that at least they always had each other to play with. But the truth is, you can’t always just pawn off the littler kids with the bigger kids. In fact, sometimes that creates more of a hassle than a help.

So, what do we do when we’re tuckered out and our kids are raring to go? Well, I like to set them up with a self-directed activity and then sit nearby and read a book or rest while they are engaged in playing and learning at the same time. Here’s a post I wrote a while back about some things kids can do mostly on their own.

There are tons of things that kids would love to do themselves, but often it feels like more work to let them. Take cooking for instance. Everyone I know loves to eat cookies. And kids love to mix and bake them too. Sure, they’re likely to make more of a mess than you would, but amazingly, they also often ENJOY cleaning up too! I wrote a post about how to get kids to help with clean up too.

But, once you have them set up with an activity, the really challenging part begins. We as parents must choose to take care of ourselves and actually REST, rather than jumping up to do another load of laundry or cleaning up after our kids while they’re still making a mess. We need to learn to stop and take a break!

So, what can you do to maximize the 5-10min. window you have when the kids are happily engaged? Here’s a list of some of my favorites:

1) Close my eyes and take deep breaths (or meditate)

2) Read a novel

3) Take a bath

4) Sit outside and watch the wind blowing through the trees

5) Yoga

6) Take a cat nap

7) Smell the roses (literally)

What are the things that you could do to maximize the few minutes of restful time you can squeeze out of the day? And how else do you deal with the exhaustion of parenting? Please let me know, I could really use some help on this one!

Have a great week, Shelly

July 27, 2011March 8, 2012

Sleep more, learn more

Wow, this week has been all about sleep research. I’ve been reading “Nurture Shock” by Po Bronson & Ashley Marryman and whoa, the new sleep research is startling! I also watched a Nova special on sleep, and then last night my husband and I watched an episode of Star Trek Next Generation where the whole crew suffers from sleep deprivation due to lack of REM sleep.

It’s all pretty interesting stuff, so here’s what I’ve learned so far…

1) We dream in all stages of sleep, not just REM sleep and scientists think that REM sleep dreams are specifically designed as practice to help us figure out how to handle emotionally difficult situations.

2) Children today get an hour less sleep per night than children did just 30 years ago.

3) Just 15 min. of extra sleep at night has been shown to give kids higher cognitive functioning, better test scores and better grades in school.

4) A LOT of the symptoms of both ADHD and clinical depression are identical to symptoms of long-term sleep deprivation.

5) A lack of sleep causes chemical changes in the body that may be the underlying cause of the obesity epidemic here in the US.

6) Sleep is crucial to learning and if allowed to sleep in between lessons, subjects show marked improvements in newly learned skills.

7) While adults only spend 4% of sleep in the slow wave stage of sleep, Children spend almost 40% of their sleep there.

Clearly, there’s a LOT going on regarding sleep and the optimal functioning of our amazing brain. From our own experiences we know that sleep is crucial to learning. Haven’t you ever learned something new and then gone to sleep and dreamed about it all night long? Well, the research bears out this intuitive knowledge that sleep is crucial to learning.

So, why are kids getting less sleep? Well, I have some theories. First, screen time and bright lights at night have been shown to disrupt our circadian rhythms, so kids are having a harder time falling asleep because they’ve recently been exposed to bright lights or screens. And then there’s the fact that so many working parents are working such long hours that they barely get to see their kids in the evening. So parents are keeping their kids up later so that they can have some time together during the week. And children don’t seem to be complaining. Obviously they will try to stay up as late as we will let them, not realizing the long-term consequences of sleep deprivation.

So, as conscious, aware parents, we have got to put our children’s long-term health and well-being above our momentary desire for fifteen more minutes with them at the end of a long day. Now that we have this new, proven knowledge of the importance of sleep, it’s our job to take action.

We need to reclaim the “lost hour” and boy will we be glad when we have. After taking a good hard look at the research, I’m convinced that by putting sleep first, we’ll all end up with happier, more focused, higher functioning, and better adjusted kids. And what could possibly be more important than that?

Have a restful week, Shelly

April 28, 2010

Nighttime Rituals

73032723 When I was about three years old I developed a fear of the dark. I can remember being terrified in complete darkness and feeling so comforted by a nightlight or a hall light left on with my bedroom door left open. I don’t remember what precipitated the fear, but I do remember it was real and I really appreciated it when my parents responded compassionately.

Every time they left a nightlight on for me or left the door cracked with the hall light on, I felt loved, cared for, and reassured. Somehow because my fears were addressed attentively, I knew that I was important to my parents and an integral part of my family. We created a bedtime routine that was a safe haven from my fears and helped me look forward to sleeping, rather than being fearful or cranky about it.

I can’t imagine how devastated I would have been if my parents had ignored my fear or somehow invalidated it with phrases like, “Oh, you’re fine, don’t worry about it.” Instead, we created these little nighttime rituals that put me at ease and helped me relax to sleep easily.

I think nighttime rituals are a very important way to establish comfort, predictability, and consistency for children. And when young people have the consistency they need in order to relax themselves to sleep, they fall sleep faster, sleep better and longer and enjoy bedtime much more.

Do you currently have a nighttime ritual that works well? Is it time for an upgrade? Continue reading “Nighttime Rituals”