Give yourself a Valentine’s Day gift—feel better by expressing YOUR feelings.
by Shelly on Feb 10th 2009
What are you feeling right now?
Grrrr... Dagny III © Christee Cook
Recognizing how you feel can be challenging. In fact, I’ve been working on it for the past ten years.
I think of it as an act of self-love.
This Valentine’s Day give yourself the gift of tuning into your emotions.
I’ve been on a journey toward more and more emotional awareness over the last decade. And now, not only am I more aware of what’s going on inside me, I’m often able to tune in to others, and offer nurturing and support.
In my teens and twenties, I had become a master of stuffing my emotions. I’d feel an emotion welling up in my throat, but then I’d swallow it down and put on a happy face.
For a while I almost convinced myself that I didn’t even have any feelings, like sadness and anger.
If I really needed a release, I would hide in my bed at night and cry myself to sleep, trying to keep quiet so I didn’t disturb anyone. I felt ashamed of my “darker” emotions.
When I first started to notice that I was stuffing my “negative” emotions, I began to practice allowing myself to feel them, rather than resisting and suppressing them.
I had a wonderful group of friends who supported me in expressing my feelings fully. We were all exploring our “dark” emotions together. It was liberating to have the support of my friends even when it seemed like the rest of the world still wanted me to bottle everything up.
When the feelings did start to flow, I felt a huge rush of pent-up emotion burst forth from me. I cried every day for at least six months and then, several times a week for just as long.
Now that I’ve cleared the backlog of emotion from my system, I’m able to feel and express things in the moment.
For a while I grappled with the questions: What is the purpose of these feelings? What good does it do to cry?
But then, I always felt better after a good cry. It was like a purging. And I actually felt lighter afterward.
Then one day I was on a long drive and I listened to a radio story about a woman doing beautiful humanitarian work somewhere in Africa.
I began to weep spontaneously, but they weren’t sad tears. I was simply overwhelmed with joy and appreciation. My heart was bursting with love.
And as I sobbed along the freeway, I realized that I couldn’t remember ever having had happy tears before–they were like a myth that had suddenly become real. And until it happened to me, I hadn’t quite believed it was possible.
My heart felt so full and joyous, and I wanted everyone in the world to experience that sensation.
I realized that for much of my life, my heart had been so closed and protected, that I’d been unable to feel deep joy. Now I’ve learned to live with an open, vulnerable heart.
I want YOU to experience that overflowing joy.
Sometimes it’s scary to be so open and permeable, but I do it anyway, because no matter how much pain I feel, it pales in comparison to that ecstatic joy.
So, this week, my invitation to you all is to open the floodgates. Let all that unexpressed emotion out but don’t direct it at anyone specific, just allow the feelings to flow out into the ether. Then, notice how light and joyful you feel afterward.
And if you have a friend, family member, or empathy buddy, see if they would be willing to listen to you express your feelings. Then, take a turn and listen to them. Sometimes it’s easier to access our withheld emotions when there’s a witness present.
Thanks for being here. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Love and hugs, Shelly
PS I would love to hear all about your experiences of emotional expression-was it ok, not ok, and how do you feel about your feelings now? Share with me in the comment box below…
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