In my parenting coaching I get a lot of questions from parents about how to discipline effectively and what to do instead of time-outs, spanking, yelling and other common discipline tactics.
When I think about the word “discipline” I think it sets up a disconnecting power dynamic where I’m in charge all of the time and the kids in my life must do what I say, or “behave”, and submit to my dominance.
On the other hand, without any “discipline” I imagine complete chaos and no sense of leadership. So, instead of discipline, I like to talk about setting boundaries.
We all need boundaries whether with ourselves, our parents, children, employers or employees. It’s healthy to have and keep clear boundaries, but somehow, many of us have never learned to recognize, implement, and maintain healthy boundaries.
I just read the novel “The Undomestic Goddess” by Sophie Kinsella. It was a fun read but what struck me the most about it was how few boundaries the main character had at the beginning of the book. Samantha was a high-powered lawyer at a leading Houston lawyer firm. She was going for partner and as a result, she was available to her law firm 24/7. No kidding. The woman couldn’t even put her blackberry down for an hour to get a massage! She was the epitome of someone without any healthy boundaries and without a life of her own. Instead, she was completely owned by her law firm!
Do you ever feel owned by your kids and family? Have you forgotten to set boundaries and maintain a healthy sense of self? Well this week it’s time to turn it around. Continue reading “Setting boundaries with kids”
Parenting is a wonderful, but challenging, journey. No instruction manuals, no definitive “right” or “wrong” methods. And, of course, each child is different!
Isn’t it amazing what kids find funny? I’ve been surprised more than once by what seems hilarious to a 2, 4 or 6 year old. And then I remember, their sense of humor is just developing. Kids this age have a challenging time understanding word play and innuendo, but they do know that burps, farts, and poop are some of the funniest things around.
When I discovered “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman my world was turned upside down…in a good way. Chapman’s theory is that there are five primary love languages and that each of us tends to have one language we give and receive love in the most often and the most easily. He says that often people are trying to express love, but those efforts are not getting received as love by the other person. This struck a chord for me particularly in my relationship with my dad.
It’s easy to become overprotective of kids, especially our own. It’s as if we can suddenly see 10 steps ahead and we KNOW that something horrible is about to happen. But what if our children don’t actually need our warnings, fears, and concerns in order to keep themselves safe?