My dad came to visit last weekend and we whipped together these new shelves for all of Julia’s Montessori work. She loves seeing her activities so beautifully displayed and we built these shelves with minimal tools. Success!
New Shelves!
Why Family Rituals Create Confident Kids
Have you ever noticed how young children like to do things the same way day after day? Let’s say you just happened to make a joke at the beginning of lunch one day, so they remind you of the joke every day for the next two weeks. Sound familiar? Or, you cut the crust off of their bread once, so now they MUST have their crust cut off every time.
It can be maddening, but it is also deeply linked to how a young child learns. Repetition is absolutely crucial to learning. So the desire to re-enact daily and weekly rituals is one way that children make sure they’re really “getting it.”
We all have daily and weekly rituals whether they are consciously created or unconsciously enacted. There is a certain way we do things. So this week is all about bringing more mindfulness to the rituals we have and to the ones we’d like to create with our children.
For example, at the beginning of every meal (or snack) I ask my daughter to climb up into her seat by herself and then I buckle her in. At the end of the meal I wipe off her hands and face with a wet cloth and then hand it to her. She proceeds to wipe off the table and then removes her bib and places it on the table. After the table is clean and the bib is off, I unbuckle her and she climbs down.
This is a ritual that is still evolving. But eventually she will set the table with a placemat, dishes, utensils, and a napkin before a meal and she will clean up afterward by placing dishes in a “dirty dish” bin and putting her used napkin in the hamper to be washed.
You might have a ritual around bedtime and/or bath time or even play time. Part of your ritual might involve incantations like when we say “It’s pajama time…Oh yeah!” every night before bed. Or when we sing the “clean up” song when it’s time to pick up our toys. The point is not that we adopt the same rituals, in fact, doing so would probably reduce the value of our family rituals. The point is that there is a certain way that WE in OUR family do things. It’s unique to us. It’s co-created by all of us and it makes us smile when we think about it.
I can still remember a ritual my mom and I used to have before I would go to bed at night. We would play some little games, read some books, and then just before it was lights out we would race to say, “Ready…set…go! Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite, sweet dreams, I love you, I beat you!” It was our own personal before bed tongue twister and we both really enjoyed it. You can tell I really loved it because I STILL remember it all these years later.
By creating and practicing this kind of mindful repetition, you’re giving your child a deep sense of security. Children really love to know what to expect so that they can fully participate in life and learning.
So what are the rituals in your family? Are there any that you’d like to transform? Or add to? Are there some that might be missing that you can create together?
I would love to know about your special rituals and how you practice them. Please share your story with us all! Warm hugs, Shelly
What To Do When Toddlers Throw
Toddlers love to throw things, and why not? Throwing is fun and in our evolutionary past it was a crucial skill for young hunters to develop. Unfortunately for us, this urge to throw often comes out at the worst possible times and with the most breakable or dangerous items around. It also often happens when a child is frustrated, so it can be difficult to know how to respond. So what can you do if you have a toddler or young child who loves to throw things?
Redirection is the key to avoiding injuries to you and your child during the development and practice of throwing. Here’s what I say when Julia throws something inappropriate. “Ut oh, books (hard plastic toys or animals, forks, dishes, etc.) are NOT for throwing. If you’d like to throw something, let’s go get a ball or a beanbag!” to which she will often respond by happily running over to her basket full of balls, choose one, and throw it.
Granted, she is only 19 months old and isn’t very good at throwing yet. And, we don’t have a “no throwing balls in the house” rule…yet. But what about your three or four year old boy who is REALLY good at throwing and you DO have a “no balls in the house” rule. Then I’d find some indoor throwing activity to redirect toward. You might invite him to throw his stuffed animals against the wall in his bedroom or offer him some beanbags and a box or basket to throw them into.
One of the reasons this redirection works for me is because I am completely supportive of a child’s desire to throw something. In fact, I think that throwing things is a beautifully healthy way to release frustration or anger, as long as the activity is safe for everyone and everything involved. Have you ever angrily thrown rocks into a lake? Then you know what I mean. It’s a movement that feels REALLY good.
So if you’d like to use this strategy, first examine your thoughts or beliefs about throwing. Is it actually OK with you? If your first thought is “no” then I invite you to get creative and come up with a situation in which throwing is actually OK with you. Perhaps it’s throwing crumpled paper into the trash or recycling can. Or maybe it’s throwing paper airplanes. It could be OK to throw lightweight puff-balls at a target on the wall. Or maybe it’s OK to go outside and throw a tennis ball. When you’ve discovered at least one throwing activity that works for you, that will be your initial redirect the next time your child attempts to throw something that isn’t OK to throw.
But do beware, having just one possibility for throwing is likely to create resistance in your child. It might work the first few times, but then your child will get bored and frustrated, feeling boxed in to only one way to express her frustration. Instead, I’d recommend coming up with two or three ways for your kids to express their frustration through throwing and then offer them choices when they are about to engage in a throwing activity that is not allowed.
I would love to hear some other ideas and strategies for how you’ve handled inappropriate throwing with your kids. Please share a story or comment below!
And have a wonderful week! Warm hugs, Shelly
First Montessori Cloth Washing Activity
I just used a plastic dish bin with about 2 inches of warm soapy water and this great child-sized washing board from Montessori Services I also got her smock there. We put a towel down on the floor in case of spills. My daughter happily scrubbed away at these dirty rags and when she was finished washing we hung them on a drying rack to dry. This was a fun and easy activity!
A Case Against the ExerSaucer
I find it almost unbelievable how popular the ExerSaucer has become in American culture. Since when did we agree to put a huge piece of brightly colored plastic in our living rooms so that our infants will be entertained? I object to the ExerSaucer on so many levels I hardly know where to begin.
Besides being horrifically ugly and made of unsustainable petroleum byproducts, I object to the name. The first part “exer” seems to imply that a child will get exercise through engagement with the toy. However, all the children I’ve seen playing in them are actually moving their bodies much LESS than they would if they weren’t propped up in the huge contraption.
I also object to how it orients an infant. The recommendations I saw suggested putting infants inside as soon as they can sit unassisted. But this standing position is unnatural for babies that young to engage in for extended periods.
Usually when babies are standing with our assistance they’re doing so for a few moments at a time, on our laps and for not longer than a couple of minutes. However, I’ve seen parents leave their infants in their ExerSaucer for much longer than that. Sure, a child can relax her legs and sit in the seat, but again, I find it unnatural for a baby to be in such an upright position all alone and surrounded by brightly colored plastic toys fully 360 degrees around her body.
The other thing that concerns me about these devices is the temptation to use them. When we put our children into a device to entertain them, rather than engaging in a conversation, cooing and singing, or even leaving them to explore the floor on their own, we’re sending a disturbing message. First, we’re telling young infants that all this excitement is perfectly normal and to be expected which sets them up for boredom and disappointment when they’re one day forced to engage in the “real” world. And second, we’re telling them that we would rather put them in a huge plastic contraption than hold them and engage with them.
I also feel worried because babies seem to really enjoy these toys, which just encourages us to put them in again and again and for longer periods of time. “Oh, I’ll just pop him in his saucer while I make dinner, he loves that thing!” I suspect that what’s really happening is that babies are getting over-stimulated which can look like excitement to an untrained eye. But personally, I would MUCH rather set my infant up on a blanket nearby, or even in an infant seat or highchair, because at least they aren’t quite as obnoxious.
There, I’ve said it. I hate so many things about the ExerSaucer it’s hard to even keep track of them all. But all this negativity is getting me down, so what am I recommending INSTEAD of the saucer?
I’d like to see more families playing together, singing together, making dinner TOGETHER. I’d like to see more parents holding, cuddling, kissing, and snuggling their babies. I’d like to see more parents taking a stand against the social ‘norm’ and refusing to live with brightly colored plastic kid’s toys, choosing instead to feature a few beautifully carved wooden toys or a collection of puppets.
In fact, when I tell other parents that we don’t have any of that “plastic crap” at our house, they look at me incredulously and say things like, “How did you keep it away?! We were GIVEN most of this stuff!” To which I reply, “I told everyone the rules before my daughter was born.”
Here are my rules:
1) If it’s plastic, don’t bother giving it to me, I’ll just sell it to the re-sale baby store
2) If it’s battery operated and makes noise see above. I HATE stepping on toys and waking up babies when they make loud noises. That is NOT happening at my house.
3) If it’s wooden, yes.
4) If it’s on my Amazon wishlist (or other registry)- hooray!
Don’t think that just because you didn’t set up some boundaries before your child was born, you can’t start now. You can. Come on parents, we really are in charge here. We don’t let aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents pick out our furniture, so why would we let them pick out the toys we give to our kids? Let’s take back control of our home environments! And down with the ExerSaucer, I seriously hate those things.
Have a great week! Warmly, Shelly