Today I want to share something I learned from NLP (otherwise known as neuro-linguistic programming) called a “state change”. We’re always in some sort of emotional state, whether happy, sad, excited, or frustrated. And often it feels like we’re at the whim of our emotions. When I’m frustrated it seems like there is no way to transform the frustration into something else. But there is! We can consciously create a “state change” in ourselves and often in others, pretty much any time we want!
Sounds too good to be true doesn’t it? Well, I assure you, I’ve used this technique countless times with kids and with myself and it really works! But, how does it work? Well, here’s the thing, the body and the emotions are directly linked to each other. When we feel sad, we look down, hunch our shoulders, pout and stay still. On the other hand, when we feel happy and excited, we throw our shoulders back, look up, smile and move our bodies!
The trick is realizing that the conversation between the body and the emotions is a two way street. Not only does our body reflect how we’re feeling, but our feelings reflect how we’re holding our bodies!
Try this the next time you’re feeling down. Find a brightly lit room, look up at the ceiling, smile your biggest smile and think about something you love. Now how do you feel? It’s almost impossible to continue feeling sad when your shoulders are back, you’re looking up, smiling and thinking of something you love or enjoy! You can try the opposite too (although it’s less fun).
Sometime when you’re feeling great, try hunching your shoulders, looking down at the ground, and thinking about something really sad. You’ll almost immediately start to feel sadness.
So, how can you use this two way street to your advantage? You can actually tell your emotions what to feel by holding your body in a certain way! Continue reading “Creating the emotional state you want, it’s easier than you might think!”
What’s it like to be a 2-4 year old? (an excerpt from my soon to be released ebook!)
It seems like just about the time we feel we’ve given all we can and we need some “me time” kids suddenly need even more from us. We can become frustrated and resentful and begin to give out of obligation or guilt, rather than giving from true generosity. If that’s what’s happening for you, my invitation for this week is to take a break, stop giving for a moment, and reset.
In my parenting coaching I get a lot of questions from parents about how to discipline effectively and what to do instead of time-outs, spanking, yelling and other common discipline tactics.
Parenting is a wonderful, but challenging, journey. No instruction manuals, no definitive “right” or “wrong” methods. And, of course, each child is different!