Tag: Connection

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Taking a Tantrum as a Compliment?

OK, I know it sounds strange, but when my daughter has a meltdown I really do take it as a compliment. Her tears and upset are so rare, partly because she’s just an easy-going person and partly because she trusts all her caretakers to listen to her and work to help her meet her needs. But there are times when she’s just too tired, or too hungry to stave off the tears and then she cries, throws herself down, throws whatever is within her reach, and pushes large objects around.

After we returned from a recent trip to visit my family, Julia was just a bit unglued and prone to crying and tantrums for a couple of days while she readjusted to being home. At first I was annoyed. I kept thinking, “Why is she acting like this? Why can’t she just listen? What can I do to get her to stop?” But every time I approached her with that attitude, the tantrums just increased in severity. read more

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I Need a Do Over

Photo by Suzette Hibble

My day today totally sucked.  I worked hard all day but didn’t accomplish much of anything.  I felt sad and grumpy for most of the day and I missed my daughter even though she was within ear shot all day long.  I need a do over.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just rewind our lives and have a do over whenever we wanted?  That’s one thing I appreciate about spending time with kids.  Children are almost always up for granting us a do over.  Most haven’t yet developed the ability to hold a grudge.  And even if they have, they’re often incredibly forgiving. It’s just one more lesson we can learn from the kids in our lives. read more

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Eradicate Sibling Rivalry

I’ve had a few parents asking me about how to transform sibling rivalry so today I want to share an idea of something very specific and powerful that you can do to go from tension, fighting, and frustration to peace, love and happiness between siblings.

The bad news is it’s completely up to you to set the tone of your household and to maintain your commitment to having a peaceful and loving home life.  The good news is, your children WILL follow your lead easily and naturally.

I have a whole curriculum on this topic which is under development and it’s way too much to go into today, but I wanted share the tip that has made the  biggest difference for the parents I’ve worked with. read more

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Background Parenting

My friend Kristin Slye wrote something on a parenting list we’re on that really got me thinking.  She said that she thinks of parenting duties as two distinct types.  There’s connection parenting that happens when you’re focused on your kids and interacting with them and then there’s “background parenting” which is all that parenting stuff we have to do that actually doesn’t have much to do with connecting with our children.  Kristin puts things like cooking, doing laundry, and dishes in the background parenting category and she shared that when her time is spent doing mostly background parenting and very little connection parenting she gets really frustrated. read more

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A new take on discipline

What do you think of when you hear the word “discipline”?  When most people think about parenting and discipline they probably think of punitive discipline like time out, yelling, spanking, or taking away privileges.

I don’t want my daughter to be afraid of me or of the punishment I might hand down.  So I’ve chosen the most peaceful parenting I can possibly muster.  But if punitive discipline is out, does that mean I’m a total softie and my kids walk all over me?  Definitely not.

In fact, setting clear and consistent boundaries is one of the best ways to help your child feel secure.  In the Montessori schools in which I worked, we practiced a logical or natural consequences approach to setting boundaries with kids.  And it really worked!  Children understood why we did things a certain way and they were usually happy to cooperate. read more

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