Tag: creating the life you want

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Four ways to keep old friendships alive after kids

This post is part of our Whole Life Parenting series.

I was talking with a friend the other day, who marveled at how her whole friendship landscape had changed after having kids. She said, “I have three kinds of friends now: Those who no longer call me, those who treat me exactly the same as before I had kids, and those who now have kids of their own, so they get it.”

Sure, we might find the rare childless friend who actually gets how much support parents need and how little we get, who says, Hey, I was just going to read a good book tonight, why don’t I come over and babysit so you can have a night out? Or, the kid-at-heart who calls and spontaneously suggests you and your family hop on out for a jaunt to the zoo or seaquarium.

But mostly, after we become parents, our old friends keep going on about their business, and we either follow along, or drop out of their consciousness.

How do we keep those friendships alive, and nurture the parts of us old friends remember and reflect back to us? No matter how much we love our families, no one will ever elicit quite the giggles and nostalgia that a friend from ten, fifteen or twenty years ago will.

Here’re some ways to keep breathing life into those precious relationships:

1) Tell your childless friends about the reality of your life. Suggest things to do that you love in ways that now make sense for you.

“I would love to go on that four-day, seven hundred dollar spa retreat two states away, but I can’t afford the money or the time away from my family. How about a pedicure Sunday morning?” Some of my friends have responded by turning their own events into child-friendly ones and inviting other families with children. This makes it so much easier!

Continue reading “Four ways to keep old friendships alive after kids”

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Cooking with kids: How preparing food for ourselves and our families contributes to everyone’s well-being.

I used to despise spending time in the kitchen. I didn’t like doing dishes, I didn’t know how to cook, and I preferred microwave meals to home cooked ones. Wow! Have things changed. Now I buy lots of fresh organic produce, free-range meats and eggs, and I enjoy coming up with new interesting creations and cooking traditional foods. And for some reason I want to put cumin on everything.

Thinking back, I can identify a couple of things that produced the shift for me. First, I read “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh. There’s a passage where he talks about enjoying the present moment even in the mundane activities of life like washing dishes. I immediately began to ENJOY doing dishes! I luxuriated in the warm soapy water and felt a deeper sense of accomplishment than I ever could have anticipated from the simple act of doing dishes.

And then I moved in with my husband to be (we’re getting married in 6 weeks!). As soon as I moved in with him I noticed a strong desire to learn to cook welling up in me. I wanted to feed us delicious, nutritious foods.

So, I began to learn the art of cooking. It feels a little funny to be writing about cooking since I’m still so new at it, Jill is the real chef of the two of us. But what I do bring to the table is the ability to modify cooking activities into interesting and age-appropriate activities for kids of all ages.

Think of your child as the apprentice chef in your kitchen. Continue reading “Cooking with kids: How preparing food for ourselves and our families contributes to everyone’s well-being.”

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Nine ways to exercise with children

Have you been lamenting your lack of exercise? Thinking back on the days when you used to get to go to the gym, or run around your neighborhood or swim laps at the pool? Kid time is sometimes almost all our time—and the kind of “running around” we do with them doesn’t always feed our body’s need for vigorous (or gentle) and sustained exercise.

Here are some of the ways I’ve found to bring exercise back in, with activities that you and your kids both enjoy, and that give you the added benefit of that exercise you’ve been craving to round out your life, keep you physically fit, and elevate your mood. You can adapt these suggestions to your mobility level.

1. Go for a long walk outdoors. People who walk in nature report that they feel happier after a walk in the woods than they did when they started. Find a trail where you can both walk, or where you can walk and push a stroller, or where your child can run, or scoot on a scooter (a great way for them to develop coordination). A brisk walk can revitalize your and your child’s circulatory system, and a controlled dose of sunshine will do you both some good. If it’s cold, bundle up. If it’s raining, throw on ponchos.

2. Play chase. Pretend you can’t catch your child, so they can feel powerful. Then run away from them and let them “catch” you. Before you do, you might be able to run several laps around them. Depending on how long their energy lasts, you might be able to get in a good aerobic workout.

3. Go for an actual dedicated run with your child around a local track.  If you have an infant or very young child, you might be able to run pushing a stroller.  Or, if your older child runs slower, you can run circles around them, and make a game out of it. In this case, your goal will be to keep up your own pace. You can talk with them beforehand about your goals, for example, “I want to run for twenty minutes. You can run with me, let me run around you, follow on your scooter, or stay on the side where I can see you and play with your toys and books.” Did I mention it helps to bring toys and books almost anywhere? Continue reading “Nine ways to exercise with children”

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How to get time for yourself: Set your kids up for independent play

Create new exciting activities your kids will love and read a novel for a change!

Remember how you used to love to read for pleasure?  You’d spend hours in a well-lit room with a book and at the end of it, you didn’t know a new recipe, have another way to spice things up in the bedroom, or learn how to install blinds.  Instead, you had memories of far away landscapes and intimate relationships with imaginary characters

Ahh, the joy of fiction.

But now, you have kids.  You don’t have time to read for pleasure– right?  WRONG!!!  In fact, it’s more important than EVER that you do WHATEVER brings you joy and pleasure.

You are your child’s most important influence and, along with any other caregivers, the people she’s most likely to emulate.  Don’t you want your child to ENJOY life?!

Of course you do, so please, take extra time today and every day to take good care of yourself and enjoy your own process of living and growing.

Your homework for this week:  Take good of yourself, give yourself things you enjoy, and become your kids’ example of how to enjoy your life. Continue reading “How to get time for yourself: Set your kids up for independent play”

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What kind of parenting life do you want? Get specific!

This article is kicks off our Whole Life Parenting series, which offers practical tips to meet the needs of both parents and children.

It’s spring. Time to think about renewal, visions, and growing the lives we want.

Do you want to have a life in addition to having a child?

I think that’s perfectly reasonable.

What do you want that life to look like?

Between school, the babysitting coop, and my work with Awake Parent, I talk to parents quite a bit.  I’ve noticed that many parents, particularly parents of young children, are pretty much consumed with parenting. Parenting is their life.

If that’s what makes you happy—cool! Congratulations on manifesting exactly what you want.

However…

If since becoming a parent you have found yourself:

  • Wanting more time with your friends
  • Not finding enough time with your spouse or partner
  • Not knowing whether or how you might be able to date or have romance or sex in your life
  • Wanting to be more caught up on your reading
  • Neglecting self-care rituals
  • Lacking exercise
  • Either giving up your boundaries too easily, or enforcing them more harshly than you’d like

And…

You would like that to be different…

…you are not alone!

Continue reading “What kind of parenting life do you want? Get specific!”

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