Self-care – Page 3 – Awake Parent

February 16, 2011April 28, 2011

The art of receiving

As a parent, we give and give and give to our kids. And then we turn around and notice our friends, partners or other family members and we give some more. Then after giving all we can, we collapse into a heap at the end of the day whining about how we never have enough time to ourselves. I get it. I’ve been there. But I think we each create our reality and we’re actually responsible for creating the lives we want. So then I reach out, ask for help, and create support systems.

The problem is that when someone is willing to help me, I actually have to be able to accept that help. I’m better at it now, but receiving hasn’t always been easy for me. Sure, I was good at receiving physical gifts, but I wasn’t so great at receiving compliments or acts of service from my friends and family. I used to energetically push those gifts away by minimizing, deflecting, or reassuring people that I had everything handled.

And then I had an epiphany. I realized that just as I love to help, so do other people. I noticed that when I was able to contribute to someone else’s wellbeing, my heart sang and then my heart immediately sank as I remembered all the times that I had been unwilling to receive help and support from others. Continue reading “The art of receiving”

February 2, 2011October 12, 2012

Appreciating our bodies

Years ago a friend told me about a daily practice of self-love she had. During her shower in the morning she would honor, thank, and appreciate each body part as she washed it.

My friend would touch the body part, clean it with care and think to herself, “Thank you hands, for everything you help me hold and manipulate. Arms, I appreciate you for all the things you’ll help me carry today and all the things you helped me carry yesterday. Ears, you are so incredibly useful and enjoyable. Thank you for allowing me to hear music. Feet! You help me balance so beautifully…” Sometimes she would give extra special care to a body part that was hurting or ailing her in some way.

When I first heard my friend talk about this practice I thought it sounded like way too much work first thing in the morning, but over the years I find myself doing this very thing more and more. And the more I acknowledge my various body parts the more I enjoy and appreciate them.

I recently got a Tom Chapin CD from the library and my daughter and I listen to it throughout the day. One song is called “My face” and the lyrics are all about why he likes the various parts of his face. He likes his eyes, they’re like his spies, etc. When we listen to the song, I notice the contrast of all the times during my childhood, adolescence and adulthood that I have failed to appreciate my body.

What frightens me is the thought that my own daughter could (and likely will) experience some of the same disdain for her wonderful body that I did as a young person. Our culture seems to value only one body type for women and if girls only see supermodels in magazines and compare themselves to the one percent of women who are tall, thin, and busty, they are sure to find fault in their own bodies. And it’s not just girls who are at risk for low self-esteem due to poor body image. Boys also see the ultra muscular guys in catalogs and think that they can’t possibly measure up.

Luckily for us, by honoring, appreciating, and celebrating our bodies we can subvert the pop culture idea of beauty and teach our children about real and lasting beauty. Continue reading “Appreciating our bodies”

October 20, 2010

Mother worry

This week I discovered why every client I’ve ever had cries when I tell her she’s a good mother. There’s something about motherhood that taps into a deep-seated fear that we are not good enough. The truth is, everyone reading this blog right now is a caring and involved parent, so why is it that we all think we might be doing something wrong?

There’s something about our culture, and I’m guessing it has to do with media, that perpetuates the idea that there must be something wrong. But is there really? Maybe the very idea that there’s something wrong is the problem. What if we could all see ourselves as the wonderful parents we really are – even in the moment when the pediatrician tells us our child is not developing properly, or in the moment when our friends don’t like the way we discipline, or how about when we read a scary article online about the dangers of modern life.

I once heard a description of motherhood that it was like having your heart walking around outside of your body. Now I finally understand what they meant. My own anxiety about being a good mom has surfaced this week through several disturbing dreams. Continue reading “Mother worry”

August 25, 2010July 29, 2010

Guest Blog: Parenting is my mindfulness practice

mindfulness This week’s guest blog is by Kendra:

My 14-month old son, Trent, has recently developed a new scream so incredibly grating that it defies description. It’s times like these that I am glad I have a mindfulness practice.

When I was in my early 20’s I lived in a Zen monastery for several years. Back then, mindfulness meant hours & hours of seated meditation and spending most of my time in silence & contemplation. Mindfulness meant bowing silently to my fellow monks instead of mindlessly asking, “hey, how you doing?” & raking the courtyard with such precision that every rake mark was parallel.

Once I left the monastery & moved to San Francisco, I meditated occasionally, I did some yoga, I tried to be mindful…but LIFE was always getting in the way: there was a business to build, parties to go to, friends to meet, and email to respond to. Who had the time to sit down and do nothing for an hour?!?!?

My son started re-teaching me mindfulness before he was even born: I had to take the time to make healthy meals, I had to remember to drink water, I had to take daily walks, and I had to get 8 hours of sleep every night – if I didn’t take care of myself, he let me know by way of nausea, headaches, full-body aches, and complete & utter exhaustion, this was not OK. He was teaching me to slow down, to listen, to silently bow to my experience instead of always being off to the next thing.

One of my yoga teachers has a saying, “You can pay me now, or you can pay me later.” And she’s not talking about money. Trent was teaching the value of paying upfront; the beauty of living life in the moment (and not having to worry when my credit would catch up to me).

For parents, the question remains: who has the time to sit still & do nothing for an hour?!?!?

And, so, my son is my mindfulness practice. Continue reading “Guest Blog: Parenting is my mindfulness practice”

July 14, 2010July 14, 2010

Sleep deprivation is no joke!

A_Very_Sleepy_Mom_Carrying_Her_Screaming_Baby_and_a_Bottle_Royalty_Free_Clipart_Picture_091013-003989-741053 About a year ago I read an interesting article in a magazine about a rat study that showed that rats that were deprived of sleep died sooner than rats that were deprived of food. Wow, I knew sleep was important, but I had no idea that going without it could actually kill animals faster than going without food would.

Sleep deprivation makes a huge impact on all sorts of brain functions. Recent studies have shown marked negative impacts on mood, cognitive performance and motor function in people who are sleep deprived. One study I read stated that “profound neurocognitive deficits accumulate over time” in people who are deprived of sleep.

If you’re a parent, I know you’ve experienced sleep deprivation on some level. It’s starting for me during the last month of pregnancy. And I know my sleep will be disrupted for many months to come as I breastfeed through the night.

Even when your kids are older, they wake up in the middle of the night vomiting or they wet the bed or they have a nightmare they can’t shake. And although it decreases as your kids get older, you’re likely to have some sleep deprivation when your kids are teenagers too, as you wait up for them or worry about them when they’re out at night.

So the question I propose is, what can we do about it? How can we mitigate some of the effects of sleep deprivation so that we can feel good, keep our wits about us, drive safely, and cook dinner without cutting or burning ourselves?

I have a few ideas. First, take naps. I don’t know about you, but in order to feel good about taking naps I had to work through a lot of beliefs that napping is “lazy” or “unproductive”. Now that I’ve seen the sleep deprivation research, I know that taking naps is neither lazy nor unproductive. And if it keeps me in a good mood and helps me have better motor coordination, I’d say it’s a pretty good solution to missing sleep at night.

So now you’re thinking, “That’s great, but who can find the time?!” Well, I’d say, it’s just like anything else in life, if it’s a high priority, you’ll make the time. And if you’re grumpy with your kids and you’re noticing that you can’t think straight, I think napping could become a high priority pretty quickly. You can nap when your kids nap, or take turns with your partner. Or, you can all nap together as a family. If you have kids who don’t want to nap, set them up with some quiet activities that they can do nearby and get some rest, or call a friend or sitter to come over and hang out with your kids while you nap. Continue reading “Sleep deprivation is no joke!”