It’s easy to become overprotective of kids, especially our own. It’s as if we can suddenly see 10 steps ahead and we KNOW that something horrible is about to happen. But what if our children don’t actually need our warnings, fears, and concerns in order to keep themselves safe?
When I was in college I learned about this incredible study that was done with babies who had recently learned to crawl. They were placed on a piece of inch thick Plexiglas with a checkerboard pattern underneath. Babies crawled around easily on the surface and came to their moms who were encouraging them from the other side of the surface.
Then, babies were put on another Plexiglas surface with the same checkerboard pattern just beneath the Plexiglas for about 3 feet and then a visual drop-off; the checkerboard pattern was a few feet below the Plexiglas. All the babies were completely safe from falling because the Plexiglas was strong and supporting them, however, even with their moms encouraging them and calling them from the other side of the room, babies refused to cross onto the area where it appeared there was a 3-foot drop. They believed it wasn’t safe, and so they stayed where they were certain not to fall. Amazing, right?!
I mean we’ve all been there when a one year old launched herself off of the couch straight into the coffee table, hurting herself, crying loudly, and needing consolation. But, how hurt was she really? And is that something that our repeated refrain of, “Be careful!” will actually prevent?
I think that there’s a reason that childhood comes with some bumps and bruises. We’re learning our boundaries, our physical skills, and how to use our bodies. The thing I find fascinating is that young children learn from these experiences and know how to keep themselves safe in the future!
In the book “the Continuum Concept” by Jean Liedloff she talks about how amazed she was that the people in the native tribe she was observing never told their children to be careful or watch out. Instead, they trusted their kids to keep themselves safe even while hiking up a steep mountain or playing near a huge pit. They allowed older children to care for younger children, comforted kids when THEY initiated contact, and in general, kept to their adult tasks, allowing kids to direct themselves.
In our generation of “helicopter parenting” I think we can learn a lot from the tribe Liedloff observed. Trusting kids to know their own limits is often the best way to encourage self-directed, confident, assured young people to learn and grow at their own pace.
So, this week, notice any tendencies you might have to hover, give extra direction or advice, or warn your kids about dangers that they’re already well aware of. Try taking a step back and observe how skilled your children really are at taking care of themselves and each other. And then, let them know how much you enjoy and appreciate how much you can trust them.
And don’t forget to have a fabulous week! Warmly, Shelly
"Clearing my mental and emotional clutter has created 'space' to live and parent more consciously, with greater awareness and focus. My children deserve the best version of me possible."
Catherina Simones, 
Hey Jenny, This isn't the original study, but it's a similar study of the responses of babies when placed on a "visual cliff" I just did a search for psychology studies infants crawling, but you might want to add visual cliff to your search criteria if you want to learn more about this interesting phenomena.
Here's a link to the study I found http://www.jstor.org/pss/1129590
Have a great day!
.-= Shelly´s last blog ..Are you speaking a different love language? =-.
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