Every year here in Bend, OR we have “The week of the young child.” It’s a week of activities centered around child development in the first five years of life. Last night I went to a really great free event with several speakers who shared their passions about supporting child development. We heard a lot about pre-literacy and how to prepare young children for reading. But the speaker that moved me most talked about the importance of play in learning and development.
In humans, as in other animals, play is crucial to learning. When children engage in imaginary play they are acting out possible real life scenarios, practicing skills they’ll need as they mature, and processing experiences they’ve had. So, if we want to support our children’s learning and growth, it’s absolutely necessary that we play with them. I want to repeat that, because it’s not just that we ought to allow our children to play or invite their friends over to play with them. We actually need to get down on the floor and play with them.
Since parents, grandparents, and caregivers are a child’s greatest influence for the first three years of life, it’s critical that we help young people learn how to play. Until they’re three years old, most children will engage in more parallel play with their peers than real, engaged cooperative play. And since our neural pathways are forming beginning in utero, it is our ability to play with our babies and young children that informs their ability to play throughout their lives. And like it or not, their ability to play dramatically impacts their ability to learn other skills.
If you’re gasping for breath right now and thinking about how hard it is for you to play, don’t worry. There are lots of great ways to play that don’t require you to be an expert at comedy improv. Singing songs, reading books, acting out stories from books, rhyming, and dressing up in costumes are a few ideas to get you started.
My husband just created a fun game to play with our daughter last week. He noticed that she laughs when our dog makes a funny coughing sound so he imitated the sound and she laughed. By the next day SHE was making the sound and HE was laughing. Now we all take turns saying “Kack!” and we all giggle. Our daughter has already learned her first joke!
Many of the parents I’ve worked with are concerned about the “violent” play that their young boys engage in. So, I checked in with our resident expert and research psychologist, Amy Howell PhD. She says that children’s so called violent play is often not actually about violence. In imaginary play, killing and death can simply be a way to change the focus or begin a new scene.
She recommends asking your child direct questions about the game or imaginary play if you’re feeling concerned about the content but warns that parents are often too quick to interrupt. You may find that by waiting, it’ll soon become apparent that there’s no cause for concern.
If you’re still worried, try checking in, and you’ll likely learn that a magic potion will bring the character back to life, or that a new theme is about to emerge. She also stresses that we adults far too often see children’s imaginary play through our own adult perspective, and that’s just far too literal and with too little imagination.
You may find that by checking in, you’ll learn that a magic potion will bring the character back to life, or that a new theme is about to emerge. She also stresses that we adults far too often see children’s imaginary play through our own adult perspective.
I’ve found that young people often play at “killing” when they’re working through their feelings about their own power or the lack thereof. So, this week, as you support your child’s imaginary play, try either checking in, or waiting to see, rather than assuming you know what happens next in the story. And for extra credit, let your child be the director and play a part in his story to his exact specifications.
Have a wonderful week, Shelly
